Do you ever experience a rebirth or breakdown during the same months yearly?

[DizzyDesii]

WHATS WITH THIS PATTERN?
—In March 2009 I was in my first relationship. That May, I felt trapped. By that October I was trying to escape his toxic grasp.

—In March 2010, I considered getting back with the idiot and start fresh but we eventually unofficially brokeup. I can't remember March/May/October of 2011-16.
—In March 2017 I left one toxic relationship for something I thought would be better. That May I wanted to revert back to the toxic relationship but stayed with the guy I left him for to avoid doing so. That October, I had a breakdown and quit my first job.

—In March 2018 I was trying to make our relationship feel new again. That May he had the nerve to make me prove why I deserved him and honestly I felt trapped and wanted to end the shit but for some odd reason didn't. That October i was having a breakdown.

—In March 2019, I had moved on to what would end up being another toxic relationship. But he was crazy like my first boyfriend so I moved on to someone else. I eventually felt trapped by May and left him for someone else. That October I was with another someone else. This one was actually great but I just didn't want to be with him anymore. I felt like I didn't deserve him.

—In March 2020 I started up with a different dude and eventually felt trapped so I left him in May for someone else I believe. By October I was ending things with a different dude from both of them because he didn't want to fully commit.

—I can't remember March 2021 but in May i liked someone but chose someone else until they left me in October because they felt like they were just an option.

—In March 2022, I brokedown and quit my toxic job. Then May I felt trapped in some toxic shit. But I pray this October is good although I’ll likely quit this job by then. Is it just a coincidence of starting new in one month, feeling trapped in another and looking to escape in another? At least I’ve taken more time to myself in 2021/22 then ever before. Lmao. 🤷‍♀️ #FeelFreeToList

Updates

1 y

I dont think I fear commitment as a whole because I would never physically cheat on someone. But i think i struggle with staying emotionally attached for long especially if I start to feel trapped.
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[ShadezMcgee]

That is quite the cycle for sure. I will be honest Dizzy and take what I say here with a huge grain of salt, but I will refrain from saying commitment issues since I don't know you personally enough or outside of here to get an accurate feel. What I will say is that you strike me as someone who is easily bored and I feel that is what is causing your cycles.

Have you ever thought that on a subconscious level you don't want to be committed to something because it runs the risk of sacrificing what you know and enjoy which puts you into a predictable routine?

I only ask and am in no way trying to start shit, so let me be clear with that.

[DizzyDesii]

I promise I’m not easily bored lol. Its more so of finding out that what I’ve committed to is not the same as it was from the get go and now I want to leave. I like routine and hate change. So as a routine person, I rarely get bored. I like to stick to what I know and find change unsettling lol

[ShadezMcgee]

Ah, I see. So let's use the relationships for an example. Do you lose interest in guys when they change who they were what drew you to then originally? Like one minute he is fun and lighthearted, then he turns into some OCD serious dude after you get together?

[DizzyDesii]

1/2
I’ll name some specifically from those years. Okay i so Dez 1 went from sweet goofy class clown to mean bossy peer pressuring drugdealing gang affiliated idiot. Not what I was expecting him to become so i felt trapped and wanted to get away from him. Lu was a seemingly sweet sophisticated professor who turned out to be a former porn star. Not something i wanted to be with after finding that out. So i left him for Dez 2 who was this goofy, sweet, submissive guy but eventually became a mean, bossy, entitled, lazy mamas boy. I emotionally cheated on him but he forgave me so i felt like i owed him so i tried to make stuff work but ended up wasting my time. Sometime later I dated sweet goofy guy JT but he became clingy and bossy so I drifted towards JP who wasn't bossy but turned out to be scary clingy so i went back to JT. JT threatened to rape me so then i tried to take a month to myself. I liked Mars but he was way too lazy and unmotivated for his age so I got with T. T was a good kind of bossy and very family oriented. I was happy. But then he turned out to be a workaholic who couldnt prioritize for shit so I left him for Tyler 1.

[DizzyDesii]

2/2
Tyler 2 was sweet and submissive but became scary clingy and bossy and tried to forge my signature on his rent because he wanted me to live with him. I ended things and ran off to Vegas that May. Came back and met a great guy and he was great in every way. I was happy. Too happy. Super drama free that I didn't know how to act. I started to lose attraction to his physical appearance and left him. That October-Feb I self reflected. The next year i dated this military dude. He started having crazy ptsd nightmares that freaked me out a bit and i also started losing attraction to his physical appearance. I hated that cause he was such a good guy but too bossy. I left him for B who I was more attracted too. Yea shallow of me. Karma hit and that guy left for someone he was more attracted to. Later that year i dated Jake. Everything was perfect. Happy days everybday. Then his mom got in the way and he started to question committing. He even said he realized routine wasn't his thing. I spent Nov-Feb self reflecting. That March M and i confessed our feels. He had to leave for a bit but came back in July right after i was gonna give L a chance in May. So i broke L’s heart, dated M then M broke my heart cause he felt L was still a threat. I dated briefly dated a few that December. The next May I was on/off with crazyass Brandon and Chris but left them because they were both very crazy. Like “Get Out” type crazy. I’ve since been self reflecting

[DizzyDesii]

Sorry i know its long af but it couldnt all fir into one message

[ShadezMcgee]

So to respond back like I said, I will say that is quite the list of dudes. Given the time span from a little over ten years ago, I am curious, how often and quick were you to find some new guy after a breakup? Did you take any time to yourself at all or was it one to another?

Sorry to hear about that bit with the rape threat. Good thing you got out of that situation

[DizzyDesii]

Lol oh no i only mentioned the guy from 2009. Everyone else is from 2017-22 🤣 I didn't want to name the HS and college dudes because that wouldve been more to type out 😂 And i tried to write two parts so you could see how I sadly barely took a break. In 2017, i left one for the other so not really a gap. In 2019, i left each for another so again, no gap. Well that is until October 2019- Feb 2020, i self reflected and focused on myself. Got wih someone that March then left him for someone in May. Then got with someone else in August. Then focused on myself October 2020-Feb 2021. Then got with someone March 2021. Put things on pause while he was at school. Focused on myself. Then on someone else June 2021 but left him when ole boy from March came back in September. He got mad over feeling like an option and Got with some others in December. Self reflected Jan 2022-April 2022 before dating 2 others in May. I mean i never cheated on anyone physically. I had a few emotional cheating moments but most always knew that if they didn't do what they were supposed to that I’d move on to the next. And i only had sex with the 2009 and 2017 dude. So yea i did some crazy shit but i feel i improved my ways 2021+ lol

[Th3ft]

Girl you are for real freaking adorable! You know that right!
i mean your love life is like a roller coaster and some how you are sweet as fu%# and always so kind and encouraging on here. And your works seems like total shit and still huge people all love you and stick with you! You may have had some funky cycles going but I promise you you won’t have them for ever! I have had August as a start date for years. And then legit this last year was my first year not starting something crazy in August. It’s your turn next to brake the funky cycles!!

[DizzyDesii]

Thank you. His was very motivating to read. And i want to say I broke the cycle when 2021 hit. I mean yea October 2021 went left and so did March and May 2022 but theyre already major improvements from the past years lmao.

[Th3ft]

Awesome!!! See this is it for you!! We all have our point. I am not actually sure I have had mine but things are looking up for the both of us.

[DizzyDesii]

Hopefully 💪🙌👏

[Th3ft]

That’s right!! 👏💪🙌

[Th3ft]

Hey thanks!!

[Blackcosmo]

I'm sorry to hear you went through all that. You haven't had it easy that's for sure.

I remember the moment when I finally broke free of my depression after almost a year and I remember I was happy. Sometimes I try to remember that sadness and the thoughts that went through my head but I don't really remember the feeling.

[DizzyDesii]

I feel a bit bad because i think most of it was easy bt then that 1 or 2 months of breakdown happen and it kinda ruins a lot. Im glad you overcome what you went through

[Blackcosmo]

Yeah I feel you. And thank you :)

[melanieeeB]

Lmaoo yeah, for me it's September... somehow since 6 years (that I can remember) always in September something or multiple stuff go downhill... I'm already scared of this September, we already have August and I'm just hoping for October right now... lol

[melanieeeB]

And I think you meet one ass after another one and that's why you feel trapped and run from them... they weren't right ones 🙏🏼

[DizzyDesii]

I thought so too but i actually met a few non-assholes and still delt trapped because they were too perfect but also a bit clingy lol

[melanieeeB]

Still they weren't the right person for you, no matter how sweet they are or seemed, in the end they didn't fit to you 🙄

[DizzyDesii]

you're right

[Dargil]

We should all have a better system of identifying danger signals and know when to pull the plug. NO repeating amount of serious discord should be tolerated "for the good of the relationship" because tolerating it invites repetition. If you can say "I'd be better off alone", then do just that. Relationship or job.

You gotta pick a batter class of guys.
“Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results”
Albert Einstein.

[DizzyDesii]

No i agree which is why i’ve since improved 2021+. I stopped tolerating toxicity for long periods of time

[Jamie05rhs]

The biggest pattern I see here is you leaving one dude and jumping straight into another relationship with another dude. You really need to just break up, period, and then take time to yourself to heal, contemplate, and reset.
I just tell you this with love as a friend.

[DizzyDesii]

Oh no I know which is why i took time to heal in 2021 and 2022. In 2017-19. I dont think I had a month where I was single because i was back to back. In 2020, I took time to myself that Jan/Feb and that November/December. In 2021, I took time to myself Jan/Feb and April/May/June. In 2022, I took time to myself Jan-April and July+. So see, I’m gradually improving 😂

[Jamie05rhs]

@DizzyDesii Okay; that's good! And yes, you are. 😊

[RavVid]

Wow! I am not really sure what to say as the guys seemed to have turned a lot. I guess that is a problem for us all really. CrushN+1 seems great and be what you want initially but becomes something different.

I've tried making a check list of what I want in a girl but whilst initially the boxes are all ticked, fairly rapidly they become un-ticked. At least you are avoiding being the frog in the pan of water that is being slowly warmed up. That's the bright side of what has happened. It is worse if you hang on to hang on.

We all need better selection criteria but it's hard to anticipate ways people can go wrong. About all I can suggest is look for better ethics and morals because that indicates some strength of character. Though one of the craziest girls I met was high in that respect but was batshit otherwise.

Maybe look at their friends as like attracts like and you'll be more objective with them. And not be so fast.

I've not been notably successful myself so other than repeating Jamie05rhs advice I don't know what to say.

[ohsheeT]

Reverse that's not reverse that's going through something not learning about it and have to do it all over again but yes I have gone through that before and I don't like to ever go through that I want new fresh everyday

[DizzyDesii]

I did learn. I just always went in optimistic again. And i didn't say reverse i said rebirth. My fresh starts felt like rebirths

[The_Shadow_Dweller]

Starting from March to July, I can have one or many breakdowns. It is not fixed though.

Depends on the situation.

Latest was in May, and the second latest was 3 years ago when I was giving entrance exams for engineering.

[DizzyDesii]

What are your breakdowns regarding? Like mine are always me looking to escape something toxic

[The_Shadow_Dweller]

I just take too much pressure about the studies.
The overwhelming portion I need to complete is what gives me a very very short anxiety attack.

But I do recover it, as, as instructed by my parents, I just need to maintain my health at hostel. Whether I pass or fail in studies is of second priority. And not completely that much inportant to them. Maybe because they know that I would never ever fail. B grade max. Not below than that.

[DizzyDesii]

Hey you keep trying as hard as you do and you’ll succeed

[The_Shadow_Dweller]

Yupp!

[RavVid]

Sure seems you have a tight cycle going on. What is the trapped feeling about? Maybe explaining that will help resolve.

[DizzyDesii]

When i realize theyre ot who they first appeared to be. I like routine. And a lot of then switched up their personality on me

[RavVid]

Sometimes US vernacular doesn't come across to me. 'Switched up' like they've got crazy/extreme?

Understand not being who they seemed of course. So you've committed to some one who becomes different. I could see a trapped feeling in that. A bait and switch.

[DizzyDesii]

Read my parts 1 and 2 that i wrote to shadezmagee below.

[DizzyDesii]

No read the ones i wrote to shadez not jamie lol

[RavVid]

I did read the right part 1 & 2 but Cat walked on the keyboard and i got lost.

Still don't know how to sort the wheat from the chaff though.

[DizzyDesii]

Lol what is wheat and chaff? I was just showing you what changed about each as to why i didn't want to stay anymore

[RavVid]

Well I am a farm boy and it is a biblical term too. The chaff is the worthless husk around the wheat kernel.

So separating the worthwhile people from the worthless at least for you.

[DizzyDesii]

Oh i mean all except 2 were worthwhile. But they wouldve turned into a waste had i forced myself to stay. When i see someone is no longer for me, be it the lack of mental/emotional or physical attraction towards them, i want to set them free because I’d be lying to them if i stayed with someone who doesn't satisfy me

[RavVid]

Well then i am not worried about you in that case if all but 2 were worthwhile.

[Literalbillionaire17]

My mental health gets worse in winter months like October- March bc where I live there is nothing to do during those months and it’s sooooo depressing. In the spring and summer Im usually fine though.

[DizzyDesii]

Its odd because i feel awful either in October and March and sometimes May but i often feel so relaxed in December/January

[Literalbillionaire17]

We’re prob just fucked up 😭

[DizzyDesii]

Lmao i refuse to think that but yea we have our moments

[ArtemisSilver]

Interesting. We all have internal cycles, work on being the one incharge of your feelings the next time it rolls around.

[DizzyDesii]

I've been in charge of my feelings a good while now

[ArtemisSilver]

I don't doubt it, but it's at that low point where you need to keep an active eye on it. Then you can break the chain if you like.

[DizzyDesii]

I broke the chain starting 2021 in terms of relationships. Jobwise i broke the chain starting 2022

[ArtemisSilver]

Nice, what are you doing differently?

[DizzyDesii]

Self reflecting more. Taking more time to myself. Not settling if i begin to feel trapped

[ArtemisSilver]

That's great, I just broke out of a few toxic cycles myself.

[Shadow_Monarch]

Not during the same months. But I do feel my mental health id changing continuously.

[DizzyDesii]

In a good ir bad way? I dont even think mine is mental. I think i just fear committing to shit that makes me feel trapped like toxic jobs and toxic relationships

[Shadow_Monarch]

Considering nothing really good happened to me the past 3 years, and a lot of bad stuff, I'd say in a bad way. 😅 The only good thing that happened is that I became an uncle in January.😁 But there are a few friends and family that keep me together.

[DizzyDesii]

Aww thats cute you became an uncle. From your sis or brother?

[Shadow_Monarch]

Sis. 😁 I have a lot of family, that had babies in the the last 5-6 years, but this one is the cutest one of them. And that's an objective opinion. Although she almost always cries, she stops only if my sis, my brother-in-law or I hold her. Do I consider that something special. 😊

[DizzyDesii]

Thats too adorbs mate

[Shadow_Monarch]

It is.
I'm embarrassed to admit, but when they come to visit, no one else gets to hold her. I start carrying her, and I don't let anyone else do it. 😅😂

[DizzyDesii]

Do you have baby fever?

[Shadow_Monarch]

I wouldn't call it baby fever, but something close. I think my niece is the reason for that. Is that weird?

[DizzyDesii]

No i think its adorbs

[Shadow_Monarch]

😁😁😁

[Guardian45]

The only cyclic pattern I can see occurs with sunspots every 11 years. Which makes sense, cuz I'm a Lion!

[DizzyDesii]

Damn

[pizzalovershouse]

Just round Christmas sad about people that died recently that were close like my grandma

[DizzyDesii]

Aww that is sad

[pizzalovershouse]

Yah thanks

[Zolly99999]

Can't say if I have or not..

[DizzyDesii]

Just think about it. I had to

[Zolly99999]

I am right now

[innerman]

Text the creator, something shitty is going on

[TrillXHippy]

Never experienced anything like that

[Phoenix98]

Nope.

[ALewis30]

No I have not

[Kt9th5i]

Da fawk... nah