How can we tell when we meet someone as a potential relationship or if they are going to use us for sex and other things?

[sage2021]

It's not like they're going to come right out and tell us of their intentions with us. They might have a hidden agenda. They might be users and nothing else. How do we know?

[Rich3610]

The age of the guy and gal usually matter with this question. Sticking solely to the male, if he’s 19 or 22, the chance that he is just looking for sex or “other things” is much higher. But the same can be said of a man my age (42), who got married, went through a horrible divorce, and now wants to “reclaim his youth” (which is just non-sense).

Back to the crux of this question: How will you know? Ask him. Of course he can lie or deceive you, but be sure to pay attention to his answer, as in also reading his tone of voice, his eyes, facial expressions, body positioning and movements. If he is looking you straight in the eyes, with a warm but serious facial expression, turned completely facing you, and maybe takes your hand, whatever he says has a high likelihood of being true.

We as humans always change, but torturing yourself with too many what-if questions and scenarios will drive you mad. Tell him where you are in your life, and exactly what you are expecting from a relationship. While doing so, again, read him! Guys might have an excellent poker face and hide obvious reactions, but when you are talking about long-term commitment? Men who only want sex will reveal themselves somehow. In my experience, these days, men will tell you what their expectations are. It may not seem this way, but there are plenty of men like myself, who want a meaningful, lasting romantic connection with someone. Here is the only caveat. Guys like us aren’t as obvious, and we don’t have “tells”, so women often think we are playing around, when in reality, we are extremely serious in our wants and needs in a relationship.

Hopefully this will at least reduce the amount of what-if questions, and if I could give you one take away, it would be to brush up on your people reading skill. People in general who are “players”, will read that way. You’ll see the intentions, and they won’t agree with yours.

[OlderAndWiser]

Guys who want to use women for sex probably aren't going to hang out dating every weekend for two months without getting sex. They will move on to their next intended victim. Just don't be in a hurry to have sex and spend some time getting to know your partner and you lower the odds on being used.

[sage2021]

@OlderAndWiser what if you take several months of getting to know the person, not having sex until the 7th month, and even though the sex was fantastic, you never hear from him again EVER. I know most guys are hunters by nature. So is it that they love the chase, but once they catch their prey, they loose interest? Because it's the chase that gets them excited?

[OlderAndWiser]

I a not one of those guys so I can't really say what motivates them but I would assume that th thrill is in the conquest and, once they have had you once, you're just another notch in their bedpost. MOST guys would not wait for 7 months if they were just in the hunt to expand their numbers.

Is this something that happened to you?

[OlderAndWiser]

Thanks for MHO!

[LazerBean]

By asking them what they're wanting out of a relationship with you if it went well.

"I don't know" or "we will just have to see" or anything indefinite like that is an automatic no. And even then some will flatter you and lie, but that will sort a lot of people out.

After that question then you can ask them what they would want a good relationship to look like after 10 years. If they can't describe it to you without hesitation, then obviously they have not thought about it and are not looking for anything long-term.

[RealMarek]

It is difficult to be absolutely sure, but waiting long enough to have sex in order to frustrate the ones who are just after sex is a good strategy. It also gives time to get to know the man and his motivations before having sex with him.

[Guy13]

We don't ever... not even with a crystal ball. It is not a safe world.

[FunkyMonkee]

And, they COULD be sincere at the outset and then develop "evil" intentions later on.

[Sixgunsound]

The questions they ask, how they steer the conversation, how much they want to know about you specifically, etc. if it’s just schedule and STD history, they might just be looking for a hook up.

[JessJJ]

You can't know. Go it without expectations, that way you won't be disappointed. If he just uses you then chalk it down to experience and move on.

[exitseven]

this is why you don't jump into bed with somebody until you know them a little better.

[convo_king89]

Guys use women for sex and women use guys for money.

[Andres77]

Yes…