Why does my fiance (a guy) hate it when I send him loving quotes or songs; it’s not all the time I send them, they just make me think of him?

[Anonymous]

We have been together for almost 2 years and he asked me to marry him in April but he doesn’t know if he wants to be with me because my confidence has gone done and he says I’m clingy. I just love him and show him how much I love him and I guess I’m smothering him. I have been there for him and supported him. I have never judged him or made him feel worthless. I ask him to just spend time with his family (our daughter, my daughter, and myself) and it’s like pulling finger nails. I’m not trying to be up his ass but he is changing and acting as if I’m the devil and controlling. I just don’t fucking get it. He always wants to be by himself in the garage with his dog and that’s the only thing that makes him happy. He loves our daughter but I’m starting to think he just hates me. I’m not perfect and I have my share of struggles but I don’t use his against him but he does to me. Why does he not get it that when you have a family you don’t get to do whatever you want when you want? All he has ever wanted was a family and he has one but it’s not good enough and I’m the one that’s actually not good enough.

[quaranta]

If he reached the point to tell you in the face you're clingy, instead of tolerating it, it means it's really bad on that regard: you are extremely clingy, to him. And this is a complete, enormous turn off, in general, for anybody (males and females), and it can only go worse if you don't perform a 180° u-turn about this as soon as possible.
Being clingy is not just about the number of times you look for his attention, it's expressed in many more things.
The problem is that being clingy underlines an unbalancement in the couple, which increases debt on the partner, who will feel the load and the indirect guilt for not reciprocating and "paying the debt back", which will be bigger and bigger and the result is they will be just overwhelmed. So when you try complaining about lack of reciprocation, they get mad. When you keep giving more and more, they get mad too because you're increasing this debt even more. Try thinking, before sending a love song or quote: when is the last time he did something equivalent? If he didn't recently, then you have to leave him get his turn to give something to balance it, not giving him more because it's only worse. Keep the focus on getting it balanced back and to give these loving attention only after he gives some, first, and without overdoing (it's very difficult to repress but that's the thing). Besides, being overly loving detaches you from the real relationship itself because you're loving the idea of him reciprocating but he actually isn't, so you aren't "responding" to a real situation but to a projection.
And it's not just that: by dedicating yourself to him continuously, you're canceling yourself. While "giving" something to the partner might also mean loving actions, services, support, "giving" becomes way more relevant if what you give is desired by them in the first place. And to be desiderable, you must not lose your autonomy and self. If you do, you'd be only an appendix of him, a "supporter", not an individual he can still take something from or that he perceives as relevant enough to handle him in general. So the key is precisely to respect yourself, to hack the mechanism. An autonomous, brilliant, smiling person who is confident and involving, gives much more by just "being available" to him, than someone who is subordinate and very dedicated.
Side note I see you both rushed things really a lot: in 2 years you got a daughter, while you didn't even test yourselves in a long term scenario yet you thought it was "forever", enough to give a "forever" father to the newborn... In this scenario it's just obvious that things might not work in the long term or that you discover later that your decisions were wrong, because you didn't have any time to test anything and you can't expect he is now coherent with this rushed choice. But now the daughter is there, and you both should find a way to fix your couple rather than breaking it, because she isn't responsible of your problems and shouldn't get the effects of that. Consider couple therapy too or counseling if you fail to balance things back, because they can really go to the verge of breaking if you continue like now.
Granted, if he still loves the family, he will crawl back to you if you get yourself autonomous again, play harder to get, and give only when he gives. But it will require willpower and to find resources alone, for that, for a while...

[Asker]

This has been the best advice and so detailed. It’s incredibly helpful. I know my issue is I need to stop focusing on him and just worry about myself. I just let it get too far that I have to backtrack and turn it around. He brings up the old me and how he adored her and that woman was attractive. He is telling me what he is needing and I’m finding myself listening but not fully fixing. I want to and start to but I don’t commit. I really need to fix myself for my self and my relationship he has changed things for our relationship and it’s my turn to do that same.

[GlassTop]

You never said what exactly he does when he leaves? Maybe he is doing something fun and maybe you can join him? I don't know what stage of relationship you are in or what exactly is going on. His side of the story may be a lot different. I’d try to talk to him but let him talk about how he truly feels. Maybe he will tell you exactly what the problem is and how you can fix it together.

[Guy13]

It is just more pressure to be romantic and forced into thinking and doing like women. STOP IT !!! You will drive him away...

[Asker]

Probably already happening. What’s the next step to fix it?

[Guy13]

www.focusonthefamily.com/.../

[Asker]

I honestly appreciate this thank you

[Guy13]

Find part two. Ephesians 5 has directions for man and woman to BOTH follow.
Proverbs Wife search may interest you.

[Asker]

Anything I can do to make things easier for both of us. We both love each other and he tells me all the time that if he didn’t want to be here then he wouldn’t. He used to show his emotions and talk about things but it just changed. I got caught off guard and now I’m sitting here wondering what the hell happened.

[Guy13]

Women from Venus and man from Mars is a must read. Kindle at least. BOTH read. Good luck :-)

[Asker]

Thank you

[Anonymous]

https://www.youtube.com/embed/J_2HdUseo8A

[BloodCursedDeviant]

Are a lot of guys really that heartless to their ladies? :/ that’s awful…

[In_Trance]

You'd have to ask him why

[Asker]

Try and he gets mad

[Anonymous]

Most guys are not romantic types.

[Asker]

I don’t need romance from him yes it’s nice to receive but I’m not expecting it. Just don’t want to be made to feel like shit because I share my feelings with him.