Me and my boyfriend have been having some trouble in the last six months. Every time we argue it’s always the same issue: I get angry about something, he goes quiet and stonewalls me, I’m left frustrated because he isn’t giving me the chance to talk things through. We went to therapy about this and for a few weeks everything was good. We realised my anger is what makes him stonewall so I tried to not loose my sh*t. But yesterday I just couldn’t filter my reaction anymore so I got a little fiery (I didn’t hit him or anything, I just tend to raise my voice and maybe slam a door around the house). The same pattern happened. And he basically said that I don’t deserve a conversation because I’m acting like a child. Yet the whole reason yesterday that I got annoyed was because of his lack of capability to say sorry. He forgot to do something for me that was super basic (wouldve taken 10 seconds), and when I told him what he’d forgotten, he didn’t even say a ‘crap babe I’m sorry’ or even ‘my bad’. His lack of ability to say sorry when he messes up is becoming a dealbreaker. My love language is words, so when he doesn’t say sorry, I feel like he doesn’t care. He even went on to say that doing a favour for your girlfriend is optional and that if I wanted that favour done so much I should’ve just done it myself. So anyway it got very heated to the point he went to bed (classic stonewalling technique of his) and I called my friend. I was gone out of the apartment talking for hours late at night and he didn’t come to find me once. Now I feel fed up of his petty behaviour, not taking ownership of his actions or being man enough to talk to me when I’m angry. I live abroad too so all I want to do right now is book a flight and go home to be around the family I know do care about me. But is this a bad idea?
I mean conversations are key to a happy relationship. I get like you during the arguments and my boyfriend is similar. When he gets too angry, he likes to take a little time off so he doesn't say or do something he'll regret. But even then, if he sees I'm not okay, he'll try to talk to me.
But considering he's still you BOYFRIEND and that you already need therapy, imagine how it'll be in a long run. With time it doesn't get easier, just the opposite. Are you ready for that? If he diesn't understand your love language and doesn't even try to, is he worth it?
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Do therapy for 6 months. And try to follow all what they say. Don't go to see family yet. That is going to be an escape route. We all want to escape when we can't manage things. best thing is to self sooth and re attempt. We guys can do only few things durng day or night. Guess what happens when no more supply and whole lot of demand.
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Yes, space is always good after an argument, just don't let it go on for too long.
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