If we want a guy that's not just after sex, is this a similar equivalent?

[SeleneSecret]

I'll refer purely/mainly sexual relationships as chocolates, ramen noodle soup high in sodium and greasy/sugary desserts and a non-sexual relationship as an organic and vegetarian store full of natural products.

You're searching for something healthy and continue running into stores that offer variety of chocolates and desserts in different shapes and designs, even discounts for it, cheaper prices, promotions, etc. Finally you reach the organic store but it's expensive and there ain't no discounts nor promotions, none. The clients buying on that expensive store are obviously fewer than the general public and selective.

Similarly... to find that guy (esp if she's requesting one that will wait till marriage for instance), the woman better be of quality too and she's going to have to put something to the table too. Plus since there is no lust helping out, that means the relationship will be slowly constructed like building, with hard work, effort and more investment than a typical sexual relationship.

Updates

+1 y

I refer sex to chocolate and those unhealthy products because they can become an addiction too and too much of it isn't healthy. Plus that's short-lived pleasure but nothing else. Too much people confused sex for love, when it's not.

[globetrotter22]

At your age you will find two kinds of boys:

1) boys who constantly objectify women (they literally can’t help it) and think of one thing and one thing only. Hormone surges for teenage boys is insane.

2) thoughtful idealistic “nice boys”. These boys are just as horny at number 1. However they see a relationship as more dreamy. They would of made excellent husbands hundreds of years ago when teenage marriage was common. But nowadays it’s different.

Anyway at your age you are feeling very emotional surges and exploring biology, relationships and often (unnecessarily) thinking to far into the future.

Not to be condescending but you are too young to overthink this. You have plenty to time to consider it when you get older. Just focus on what matters:school, family and activities.

[SeleneSecret]

I'm already doing good in school and do exercise sometimes. I was just trying to make an analysis of what's it like for an adult woman (assuming she's in her early 20's) to seek for a man that will give her commitment and isn't just into sex. I think to find such man, the woman has to also be decent herself too.

[globetrotter22]

Very true. These guys are actually more common then women realize. But want to take a guess why women don’t notice?

[SeleneSecret]

I'm assuming some women are just going after initial attraction. They are probably searching for a very attractive (like an Adonis type basically), tall guy that's outgoing but decent at the same time... kind of an oxymoron. That's like searching for a healthy food that's also very tasty and greasy but healthy too.

[SeleneSecret]

It's generally either one of the other, you can't have it both.

[SeleneSecret]

On the very rare occasion that she does find a very attractive, tall, wealthy and outgoing guy that's all decent and wants marriage too (basically the best deal ever for the woman) then I'm afraid that such rare guy is going to have his standard highers for a woman too and will be super selective and picky. He's going to probably ask for his equivalent, which not many girls will fit.

[genericname85]

Yeah that's what women typically forget. They are all about demanding shit but then offering nothing but entitlement, vagina and tits which is not even the bare minimum. At least some get it...

[SeleneSecret]

I'm trying so hard not to laugh but LMAO at the amount of girls thinking that giving away their virginity is the greatest/precious gift they can give their bfs, only for them to be heartbroken when the relationship ends in a break-up. They really though the guy own them marriage afterwards.

So that's just giving him sex, what many girls can already give a man, big deal. In order for marriage to proceed after sex, then the man needed to really fall in love before sex, the girl gave him other things besides sex (put other things on the tables) and both on the same page on forming a family. But just thinking having sex for the first time is the best gift a girl can give a man? LOL

[SeleneSecret]

The greatest gift shouldn't be my virginity but support, be equally committed, be willing to listen to problems and be someone he can trust. There are other great gifts someone can give other than just sex. In the end, those girls gave nothing to him since sex isn't what will make a man commit nor stay, lol.

[genericname85]

I mean it doesn't really matter weather you fall in love before or after sex. But having a vagina and tits is not enough to keep a man around.

[genericname85]

Yeah. Lots of women need the reality check that their looks is not what makes him stay. It's only what gets his attention in the first place.

[SeleneSecret]

That's why she needed to have other qualities besides just her body. If she put other things in the table from the start and is consistent (is actually a quality girl) then sex is just the cherry to the already great ice-cream.

[genericname85]

Well on the bright side, you knowing that gives you a big edge over the other girls in the Dating market. So good for you :D

[RosieMelts]

It’s a great analogy and tbh you’re wise in this area to be comparing it to this. A hopeful future for you. I don’t discredit others your age, but this view point is promising and enlightening for even me to reflect on at my age.

Sometimes we can be spot on about something and then other connecting factors we kind of ‘drift off road’ a bit, so always strive for accuracy and trust yourself ofc, but be willing to have an open mind and when you see truth, hold fast to it. Awesome post/question/analogy

This is #MindFood🧠✨

[SeleneSecret]

Thank you. Yeah I really don't understand the mentality of many young girls thinking giving a man their virginity is the greatest gift ever and that he'll stay with her and marry her afterwards. Nope, it's not. Sex should just be a small additional complement to something that's already constructed or as I call it, the small cherry on top to the ice-cream.

[RosieMelts]

Perfect analogy. Literally couldn’t have said it any better, myself. With this ability to essentially, view sex in a different light, it keeps you open minded about it all, and yet it’s not psychotic. The analogy just. Fits. I’m excited for you. I just know you have a good head on your shoulders, and it won’t steer you wrong. 😊👍✨

#Constructive
#Enlightening

[NathanDavis]

I see what you say...

currently, I'm growing my own veggie...

[HighlyQuestionable]

What the @&%$#%^ are you talking about?

[SeleneSecret]

It's an analogy. Whatever it's not found easily and requires effort will cost more effort, investment and time. It's super easy to find men that just want sex or a pure sexual relationship just like it's so easy to find any chocolate or any greasy cheap food but harder to find a man that wants commitment, just like it's harder and more expensive to find organic foods.

[HighlyQuestionable]

Oh.. Ok sorry, Didn't get it at first. I have always wanted commitment, so I had no idea that many men don't.