Is it unreasonable for me to prohibit my boyfriend from ever even trying smoking?

[Anonymous]

I told my boyfriend, that if he ever even tried smoking in the slightest, I'll break up with him. First of all my boyfriend has never expressed a desire to smoke at all, we were just talking about boundaries. A little background, my dad smoked throughout my entire childhood in the evening/nighttime while he worked, and I woke up coughing some nighs because of it, since his study was right below my room.

Updates

+1 y

Okay, prohibit was not the best word to use, but English is not my first language. I didn't prohibit him, I was just setting boundaries for if he wants to be with me. He is just as against it as I am, he just probably wouldn't break up over it, since he doesn't have the same past experiences with it as I have.

Updates

+1 y

Another update: mostly I think another reason I find it to be a dealbreaker for me for him to smoke, is that he is already very against it, so personality wise it would require a huge flip.

[HollyK21]

I don’t think you should “prohibit” him, because you don’t want to dictate his choices as an individual, you’re not his parent. However it’s perfectly fair to set the outcome on the table. Now he knows if he chooses to venture down that road, then you’d be done with him.

[Anonymous]

It is reasonable for you to ask him not to smoke, and you've just stated those reasons. I don't know how exactly you put this into words for your boyfriend, but please, be careful with phrases like "If you do this, I'll break up with you." That's just rude. Instead try to explain why and how it is important both to you and to your relationship. Tell him, "Let's agree to never smoke. Smoking triggers my childhood memories of me waking up coughing because of my father's addiction. I love the fact that you don't smoke, that you're strong enough to say no to it even though so many people do it. I'd be really happy if you were on my side, and we could have a non-smoking relationship". I mean there are many reasons why smoking is bad including bad breath and health issues. You don't break up with a person just because he smokes. You'll break up with a person because he knowingly ignores your comfort.

[Anonymous]

I mean, it didn't sound great starting out, but I can see that this is something deeply rooted in your past. I can understand why you'd feel that way. Everyone has boundaries they dont want crossed, esspecially in our intimate relationships. Considering he doesn't smoke and doesn't want to, why even bring it up? Seems like a non-issue. Generally, I try not to threaten the end of a relationship too... it's not exactly the most secure and supportive feeling from your partner lol

[Asker]

He knows I wasn't threatening since he is actually just as against it as I am, I'm just a little more anxious about it, because it reminds me of past experiences.

[Opinion Owner]

As long as you're on equal ground, it'll be fine. Maybe it was the use of the word "prohibit" that made me uncomfortable initially. My first gut reaction was remembering my manipulative ex girlfriend who was extremely controlling. You dont give me that impression at all though. It seems to come from a place of both caring and not wanting to relive experiences from your past, which I totally understand

[WhitneySnow]

I agree with you (though I disapprove of tobacco I’m fine with weed as long as you don’t overdo it)

[spartan55]

Yeah, start issuing ultimatums. Guys love those...🙄

[dragoblack]

I mean, its understandable... now smoking weed for medical reasons i would be ok with. I can't smoke die to the high carbon making my body have asthmatic reactions, but i do delta-8 vapes when my body is in pain (3 puffs and I'm good)

[FilmGuy93]

It's reasonable to break up with someone for being a smoker. It's not reasonable to break up with someone for simply trying a cigarette.

[Aerolyn]

It's reasonable, those are just your standards talking.

[exitseven]

You have no right to prohibit him from smoking but you have the right not to date anyone who smokes.

[007kingifrit]

smoking is a dealbreaker for me. i would break up with a girl who did it

no you're reasonable

[Anonymous]

Yes. Very. You sound miserable to be around.

[Asker]

Woah chill

[Opinion Owner]

You asked. Sorry more people don’t agree that you’re totally awesome. 🙄

[Asker]

I'm sorry I dont want my lungs to die

[Asker]

Or his for that matter

[Opinion Owner]

Any other stupid rules you have for your boyfriend? Do you spritz him with a bottle of water if he misbehaves?

[Asker]

I dont have rules for my boyfriend, I just have boundaries

[Anonymous]

Reasonable. I don't like smokers either, so it's all good. Same goes for vaping.

[Light909090]

Nope it Makes you a Good person

[AndrésC64]

Prohibit? Are you his girlfriend or his mother?

[Part2603]

It's fine.

[Anonymous]

You're cute 😂😂