Our first vacation together was a disaster?

[Anonymous]

Me and my boyfriend been dating for one year and just came back from our very first vacation together. We used to spend weekends together once in a while but not more than that. A couple of weeks ago we went on our first vacation together for 15 days and it was a complete disaster. We never argued like this before but during our vacation that was supposed to be perfect we ended up having so many disagreements almost every day but never stopped loving each other however, I didn't feel like that was the best environment. Anyone ever experienced something similar? What can we do to avoid this the next time we decide to go on a vacation together? I was actually disappointed because we never used to argue or fight before and really don't want this to become a habit in our relationship. Sincerely looking for useful tips from experienced couples

[caring__1]

When we see people infrequently, we tend to be more flexible and considerate. When people see each other day in and day out, they often focus more on being heard than hearing and understanding the other. Don't focus so much on being right or getting your way. Show some interest in seeing things through the other person's eyes. How might things impact the other rather than just what feels good for me. The more selfish one person is, the more selfish the other will be. Find common ground, or find a new boyfriend who is more like you.

[Andres77]

Was there a common theme for all the arguments?

[Asker]

Sometimes yes

[Andres77]

Would you care to share what these themes are so those that are familiar with pattern recognition and analysis might help?

[Asker]

One of the reasons was him getting grumpy at me once in a while. The other reason was because out of nothing an ex decides to show up and try to ruin our relationship

[Andres77]

Well, sorry about the ex. You have some responsibility in how you respond to him, not that he showed up.
Ur boyfriend getting grumpy…needs to be addressed. Ask him gently in the middle of his bitchiness. “A soft answer turns away wrath.” Maybe your humble response will give him the window to open up. If he uses your humble response to come at you…then you need to get the hell away from him.

[Asker]

I never answer in an aggressive way. When I see he’s grumpy I usually ask what’s going on or what can I do and he usually says it’s nothing this ends up with me giving him some space and usually within an hour he’s ok again. Not sure if this is the right way

[Andres77]

Actually that’s great, short term.
I’ll applaud your effort. You’re trying and you mean well. Men are stubborn.

[Andres77]

The answer inside of me that bubbles to the surface is therapy. But how to get him into therapy. There’s the challenge

[Asker]

It cross my mind many times that we should try couples therapy. He tried therapy before for personal growth

[Andres77]

If he’s willing, jump on it! Get into therapy