Why do men try to make good looking girls feel ugly once they’re with them?

[Anonymous]

I have noticed that once you get close to them and particularly once you’re in a relationship they will try to make you feel ugly and unattractive and subliminally tell you that in their opinion there are people more beautiful than you.

I would rather be alone forever than with any man who does this but it seems like they all do to an extent.

Ladies please share your experiences and theories on why this may be and how you’ve avoided it if you have successfully eliminated it from your life.

Men please share why you think other men do it.

[DaveJord]

So honestly this type of thing that only insecure people do in order to condition the other person into accepting some level of abuse and there by exert greater influence over the person.

So I take some limited and small degree of offense, in why "MEN" do this, it should be why do "PEOPLE" do this... because I have had women do this me.

So in my case I felt like I was married to a very attractive women, but she was constantly insecure about her own looks. So my ex-wife always resented my self-confidence, and would do everything she could in settle ways to demasculate me, and make me feel less than. In doing this condition me to accept the abuse, that lead to greater means of her attempting to exert control and influence.

But at the end of the day its because they are insecure about themselves and their position in the relationship... its about them not feeling deserving or worthy enough, so in devaluing you they feel that they are placing themselves on more equal footing. If you accept this type of abuse then they find value in being about to control you in this way... which is why my marriage was so toxic because I rejected her abuse and that lead to a lot of hostility.

Its self severing, self-destructive, and highly toxic behave and women do it as much as men.

[Asker]

I’m sorry you went through that. It’s horrible and I hope you got out of it before it did lasting damage and are happy now.

[DaveJord]

@Sarahr123 Thanks Sara, yes I did get out of it. But I rejected it from the start... but yes it sticks with you. But I feel good about where I am and I have been able to have some really good meaningful relationships after marriage.

I have dated women that triggers something in me. I have to hold back from lashing out, but I get out of those type of relationships as soon as I see it. This is why I can only date highly confident and secure women. Because I am the type of confident person that brings out the insecurities in others, and people with insecurities trigger my own anxiety.

I will not lie, it does have lasting impacts, but I am not damaged. Like saying you put your finger in a light sock and got shocked... it hurt, it was pain full, and you will never do it again... but your not terrified of electricity. You know you did something stupid and you will not do it again.

I am just never going to allow myself to ever, ever, ever live like that or be in that type of situation, every again. I know the signs and cut and run fast. But I survived it because I am confident and emotional stronger willed, and she did not break me. I was victimized, but I am not a victim.

[D_Bone_Steak]

Great point and wished I thought about it as well when I answered... people do this shit regardless of gender. I've actually seen it a whole lot from women especially when they think they have a certain level of commitment out of me to them. It starts with little shit tests and can get really bad if she's an insecure person. But obviously, this kind of bullshit can come from any side of the gender line.

[DaveJord]

@D_Bone_Steak Agreed! They start by chipping away at your friends by planting these seeds of doubts. Eventually isolating you, then start in on you...

[tony_baloney]

A lesson that's unfortunately almost always learned through experience

[DaveJord]

@tony_baloney So true there literally no way that I could of perceived it prior to experiencing it. The signs are so settle at first, and then slowly build from there. It takes weeks, months or years... but you don't truly realize the cost or toll its taking on you, because you've been conditioned to endure it or accept it incrementally in small bits at a time.

I mean seriously if you're color blind you know the sky is blue, but you don't really know what blue looks like if you've never truly seen it.

[ohsheeT]

I've seen this happen too many times they try to get the girl to start eating more food to become fat her they start telling them how to dress because they're control freaks they have no confidence in themselves they're jealous about every guy that's a girl talks to they have no confidence in themselves and they tried to control the girl the best thing to do is to walk away don't walk away run away fast these guys will destroy your life quicker than blink of an eye any girls that read this remember one thing do not let any guy ever control you do not ever let some guy tell you what to do and what not to do you are the boss of yourself and only yourself when a guy starts trying to control you and you allow it to happen one time he will keep going and going and going it'll never work out somebody usually gets hurt run away now

[lickmypink216]

I agree with most of the answers. The ones about the man being insecure and uses that to make you feel less and lose your confidence.
Its those men that know they can't be what you need and will try to take you down a notch so they feel equal. The only stupid thing is that if they werent good enough you wouldn't have chose to be with them. A lot of dudes pretend to be someone they aren't to impress you. When things get rolling and the real him seeps out they lash out and try to cut ya down.
Its only happened to me once and ironically he is very toxic. Literally had codependency and somewhat a sociopath. He still won't leave me alone. If your guy is doing this to you RUN

[Rei02]

They are masking their own flaws and insecurities. In the beginning, they do the opposite, they can tell you what a wonderful person you are, but as time pass or if en they feel more comfortable with the relationship, they start this emotional bullying, giving the pretext that they do it for your own good (yeah, like some parents say to excuse their aggressive and neurotic behaviour towards their children).

At that point, the woman has to become warned, and take the desicion to leave if this kind of behaviour is more frequent.

[Pinay_ako]

Those men have low self esteem to begin with and insecure … so when they finally get the hot girl, they make her feel like she’s nothing. And all of a sudden he’s the king of the world. Classic narcissist! Run!!!

[Jeansnowstarkbastard]

Truth be told i find that behaviour unacceptable.
All women are beautiful and special in their unique way.
But my theory is that the guy feels insecure in the relationship and wants to ensure that the woman does not leave them or feel that they would be able to do better.
Because if the woman feels she is not good enough for her current partner she will not have a chance of finding someone else.


(not saying it is the truth but it might explain why they do such despicable things)

[BeMuse]

If you sell yourself on your looks, then there’s not much that makes you beautiful. How would you feel about a Christmas present that was spectacularly draped in beautiful wrapping paper, ribbons, and bows but when you opened the box it was a shit sandwich. Would you be like, I love my shit sandwich can you please share the recipe or would you be like wow what the fuck is this shit, I really though it would be better. You need to have a little more depth as a person to be seen as beautiful.

[Dennisnky]

I'm speculating because I've never done this and would never. But I do know guys know that girls get comfortable and bored. If there is a risk of losing the guy, girls work harder to keep them. One time I found out this guy was talking to 3 girls at once, and I thought it was horrible so I told on him. Made the situation better for him because then all three started trying HARDER so that he would pick them! smh! So it may be he just doesn't want the girls ego to get out of control to the point where she would just leave him for someone better. So maybe these guys are just really insecure. I've never had a girl treat me that way either.

[Truthatanycost]

This is because the connection is based on the lower self / ego, rather than the higher self. With the higher self, one only raises another up and the connection always moves toward ascension. But if the connection is not based on this (most relationships) then it will always move towards the lower vibration which involves bringing people down to the level they subconsciously or subconsciously feel.

Therefore this suggests that your discernment is not detecting such people who are of this vibration...

[Truthatanycost]

See an example here:

Why do I wanna make my boyfriend feel shitty? ↗

[D_Bone_Steak]

They're trying to keep the girl from trying to fuck other men. It's pretty simple really. I say if you're worried she's going to want to fuck other men then you already know she's going to cheat... why bother trying to make a woman yours... no woman is ever yours, it's just your turn.

[Asker]

What if the girl is extremely orthodox and is a virgin waiting for marriage?

[D_Bone_Steak]

I'm not sure it will be productive to get into every whataboutism possible but if she's orthodox like that and finds herself the victim or the culprit of that behavior, I think it would be better to spend more time alone and sort her stuff out.

[Aakash_Hangargi]

It's nothing personal i believe if they are not trying to hurt you purposefully.


Once the familiarity grows more people value intrinsically based on your attributes and behaviour.

A beautiful girl will always be beautiful but her behaviour keeps the attraction alive.

If the guy is judging or acting as per a girls nature and behaviour they start to see reality as they grow up that beauty can be limited to attraction but to live with that person may suffocate him.

The things they unseen are now starting to prick.

It's just they stop telling you how beautiful you are and the girl starts to feel empty as her main attraction her beauty isn't complemented as it was earlier.
There is more self criticism than the external inputs.

[NotTacocaT6969]

This is a method unworthy men use to try to trap you.


It’s a psychological tactic designed to make you feel like you’re not good enough for anybody else and that he is the only man willing to love you.


In short, t’s a mental cage used by insecure people who are often also narcissists.

[Lionman95]

I'm not sure maybe they are insecure and fear that their girl will choose the next guy coming along over them so they to downgrade their girl for every possible guy. It could be that he goy aa false picture of women through the Internet or porn saying that women can't help themselves so that if a guy comes along that seems better than their man they leave him for this guy.
So they do it in fear of being left.

[BlueScorpio]

Those are insecure men who are trying to make you become insecure so you will never leave them. They are scared of losing you to other men cause they know you are really beautiful and can probably catch a lot of men's attention. It's also a way to control the women they are with cause if she starts believing what he's saying, then she really won't think she's worthy of being loved by anyone else even if they aren't together anymore. You just have to be careful.

[DermalPunch]

I kinda get what you men. Most men are still little boys. Women are frogs theyvloke to poke with sticks to see what will happen. He's testing you even if he doesn't know it himself. Pick his flaws back outnto him and put him in his place. He will be done with all that nonsense. Don't let a man train you.

[snackthatsmilesback]

No yeah that's a tactic, normally to keep you putting up with his shit cause "nobody else wants you." It's bullshit. There are guys who don't do that too but nobody should do that. I've seen it happen with women too. It can fucking destroy your confidence either way. I avoided it cause I called bluff.

[TroyDT]

It is a remnant of the PUA "negging" method. Basically along the lines of finding a gorgeous lady and flirt with her homely friend while telling the pretty girl her ears are kind of big or her nose is a little crooked. Allegedly it will make the pretty girl insecure and subconsciously want to get the guy's approval. Sounds like BS to me, but some guys still do it.

[Sour-rose]

Control. If you can make someone feel like they depend on you and nothing without you, you made yourself a puppet. It's not a nice thing to do but it's true. Make them small, and make them your puppet

[DryGermanGuy]

I have never witnessed anything like that and it sounds totally ridiculous. The only somewhat-possible explanation I have would be a "player", running his pickup-artist handbook on some gullible woman.

[AsaKyo]

I can't wait for the day that one dude finally pushes me over the edge to where I can't take it anymore and he makes me really wanna kill myself. Might just life stream my suicide so everyone can watch. There goes another worthless human taking their own life like they should.

[Asker]

Please don’t feel like that. I’ve had times like that too but trust me these idiots aren’t worth it.

[HighValue]

Because women like guys that treat them badly. That is why there are many decent guys that are single, and the type that mistreat others, cheat, etc. often have had multiple relationships. Many women REPEATEDLY choose the same kinds of guys.

[mandyfire98]

They're hoping to wreck your confidence so you will depend on them more and think you can't do better than them and you're lucky to even be with them. Don't fall for that amateur bullshit.

[MrCommodore]

I assume its a fear tactic, fear that she has lots of options and might leave him for someone hotter or better. So they try to make her believe she is less than what she is

[lickmypink216]

This is what i came to say lol

[J2ohhhhh]

Maybe they don't think that you're that good looking to start with, but they know their own elo, so settle for you, but know that they have to be boosting up your confidence in the campaign period, and once they got what they wanted aren't bothered anymore.