Should I move on?

[Anonymous]

I have this long time friend where we started going out a couple months back but then he recently changed his mind about wanting to be a couple but yet we still act like a couple. He says he doesn't know when he'll be ready for a relationship but doesn't want one right now.

Yet we do everything a couple would do. I'm so confused and just want him to be honest about his feelings for me which I know are there but he admits to being scared of hurting me so that's why he doesn't want to pursue one with me.

What should I do? Give it time or find someone else. I really don't want to because I really like him and want to be with him. I may even love him.

[Anonymous]

I would definitely say to move on. He’s already told you he doesn’t want a relationship, and instead of accepting this and moving on, you choose to reward his rejection with all the benefits of having a girlfriend without having to give you a title. If you had a daughter, best friend or loved one and they told you this was happening to them, what would you say? Would you encourage them to just give him more time and “hopefully” one day he’ll come around? No, you’d tell them they deserve better and need to leave that man alone. So why wouldn’t you give yourself that same love and respect?

[Asker]

Thanks for the advice. This is so true. I didn't think of it that way. It's just hard because I really like him but I get what you are saying and you're right.

[Opinion Owner]

I’m sorry girl. I totally get where you’re coming from, as I dealt with a man like that for much longer than I ever should’ve. But honestly men like him just suck, and you should practice being just as capable of setting boundaries and standing firmly on them as he is. Trust me when I say that as much as you like him, he knows how strongly you feel and takes full advantage of it, and that should infuriate you more than anything. How you fear losing him, he should be just as scared to lose you and those feelings motivate him to give you a title. Yet he still firmly wants to be single, and doesn’t feel the threat of losing you because of that decision. So you should equally have the ability to say “I want an actual relationship with someone, and if you won’t give me that then you’re done wasting my time”. Because he is in fact wasting it, distracting you from meeting a man who wants what you want right now, not a wish for the future.

[Asker]

Thanks for this. You're 100% right on the money.