My boyfriend of 3 years says I “shouldn’t expect anything”?

[Anonymous]

I’m 22 and he’s 24. I talk about marriage a lot because of my culture and how that’s important to us. He told me I shouldn’t even be worrying about marriage since i don’t even have a stable job or career yet and should be focusing on that & that we’re still very young. Then a day later we had a mature conversation and he told me to “not focus too much on this relationship and I shouldn’t expect anything from this relationship”. Does anyone agree with him or does this mean “red flag” haha

[KBird]

“not focus too much on this relationship and I shouldn’t expect anything from this relationship”?

I mean... guys (and girls) are a mystery sometimes. I know this can come off as "its not going to last", but he may simply be stating that he's not ready for marriage yet, and that you should currently focus on your studies. Unless there are any other indicators that he's not happy or wants to leave, then I wouldn't think too much about it.

[Asker]

Most logical reply to be honest, you might be very correct. Indicators that he’s not happy: pretty much zero, in the past he used to sometimes be unhappy with things but i’ve grown and changed a lot and lately he hasn’t had any complaints, if anything i’m the one that’s now usually complaining or unhappy about things lol. And no indicators that he wants to leave at all, if anything he seems to want to stay and stick around, even though he is the type of man that has tons of options and could be with anyone he wants in a heartbeat. It’s odd because he doesn’t want me to focus on the relationship and more on myself and sometimes it feels like he’s pushing me away, but at the same time he only wants to be with me and whenever i’m unhappy about something he takes action on it or changes it and wants me to be happy? And also doesn’t want me to leave him. I’m also his longest relationship ever, so it’s a bit confusing. Like why would he stay this long with me then if he doesn’t plan on having a future with me? Out of anyone he’s been with i seem to be the only one he deals with all the bullshit and flaws and wants to still stick around after so long, and doesn’t seem to wanna let me go?

[Asker]

Just not sure if i should see it as positive or negative what he said.. or if i should just move on because he clearly isn’t sure about me?

[CelineBV]

He's already telling you that he doesn't the relationship lasting and not to expect anything but to work on yourself.

[Asker]

Probably yeah, but then I wonder why he still stays with me? Like it doesn’t make sense, he’s also a type of man that has tons of options and could get anyone he wants in a heartbeat but yet still stays with me? Even though he probably doesn’t necessarily see a future with me i guess judging by what he said, so that’s what i don’t understand 😵‍💫

[CelineBV]

It's passion and lust mainly. That must be the only benefit he's getting. Take that away and what else is there? Likely nothing.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Huge red flag.

You can focus on a career while married easily, also his remark about not expecting anything means he doesn't love you, and he is either going to dump you or cheat on you at some point.

[CallmeTheKnight]

It seems like you're pushing for something that you don't have any control of. If he wants to marry you, he would, but you don't decide that, only he can

[Vesuvius87]

He won't ever marry you. Otherwise, it wouldn't be you talking about marriage. In my relationship, my boyfriend is the one that brought out the topic about marriage, its costs and settings. I didn't have to nag him.

[dreamstar72]

A yellow flag that turned red.

[Asker]

Hahaha funniest response, thanks for the laugh i guess. So i assume i should probably definitely not expect that he sees any future with me nor ever wants to marry me? Or is he just stating that he isn’t ready for marriage (which he has said before that that’s on the end of his to do list and isn’t a fan of marriage)

[dreamstar72]

The point I was trying to make was when he told you that it was mainly you fault because you didn’t have a career or a stable job you should have seen a questioning yellow flag. Then latter told you don’t look for a real or stable relationship with him you should have saw a big red flag. Sorry could be wrong but doubtful. Hope you find someone who loves you more

[Asker]

Yeah, weird why he would stay with me for 3 almost 4 years then now which is the longest he’s ever stayed with any woman. And thank you!

[LazerBean]

He isn't interested in marrying you.

[Asker]

Painful to read but that’s better for me to just take it straight up i guess hahah, thanks for the direct and simple response 😆

[LazerBean]

No problem, hope you get things sorted out

[es20490446e]

I'm available for marriage.