Am I expecting too much from my boyfriend?

[Tephra]

Recently I have been reflecting on myself, mainly how I feel in my relationship. We have been together for 1.5 years and I am realising I am giving away too much of my emotional energy into the relationship and feels one-sided (almost).

We have been planning a vacation to Malaysia and Thailand, I had done all of planning, purchasing and I asked him to research activities. He wasn't bothered so I basically done everything. I also asked him to play a game with me (one of my childhood games that I wanted him to experience with me). He hasn't even bought the game and told me to go play with my brother. If I want to watch a movie I have to find the place to stream it. I basically have to take care of most things, where I want to be taken care of too.

Don't get me wrong, he does a lot for me when I am down or grumpy - like buy my favourite food, cuddle me or play a movie (that he likes). He is silly and funny but I feel like he expects me to do everything that is "too stressful" for him. I offered to teach him how to book a flight or hotel but he declines.

Am I being selfish? How can I snap him out of this?

[Finchie40]

You aren’t being selfish, you are just with the wrong guy period , this sort of thing happens a lot and why there are so many break ups and divorces for this reason , because a lot of people rush into a relationship before looking at the big picture , in the beginning you and your boyfriend were just infatuated with each other , probably because you were both attracted to each other and everything you said and he said was so amazing because when we are infatuated with someone we tend to overlook the things that matter to us and we think at the time it’s no big deal because they are sooo amazing. So the both of you end up having sex and all of a sudden they become the love of your life , but the truth is they aren’t because you both overlooked the big picture. Basically the things that you want out of the relationship isn’t the same things he wants out of the relationship, it doesn’t make him a bad guy, just not the guy for you. Why I no longer rush into a relationship with a girl until her and I see the big picture and see if her and I are on the same page as things and that we just didn’t say we were because we are infatuated neither each other. Why I will suggest to her to be FWB’s with some strings attached , meaning her and I stay loyal to each other but we both have breathing room to really decide if each other is really meant to be. We agree we can date other people if we choose to but promise to not have sex with any of them , if we do, then we promise to end the benefits part between us and just remain friends’ From my own personal experiences this has been the best solution to avoid rushing into a relationship because it gives her and I time to really get to know each other before making the big decision of being fully committed to each other. If the 2 of you are meant to be , it will happen if not then you at least can stay friends’ instead of enemies , usually what happens after a break up occurs. So your boyfriend unfortunately isn’t the guy for you , he doesn’t hate you he just isn’t on the same page as you , and if you choose to stay with him , understand it is t going to get better , because you can’t expect someone to change just to appease you period.

[lightbulb27]

Do you see the pattern here? It seems obvious to me which I'll explain below.

Your terminology is off and so you are out on GAG asking if you are sane, if this is normal and what relationships should be like. Relationships challenge us internally and that is what this is doing...

The pattern is as follows... he is a selfish child. "Boy-friend" is a stretch. If you were dating a 5 year old, you'd get probably a little better. This is an immature selfish male... of which there are plenty.

What girls... or anyone should ask when dating..."is this person mature... and am I willing to work with them as they develop". You have to draw a line as you are 28, probably ready to settle down and need support building a family. This guy is a play child, he may play well with the kids, but you will end up doing everything. that is tiring. if he brings good money, maybe you can handle that, but it won't be fun at times.

The answer is in relationship... it should be 50/50 and partners are just that, partners. Give and take and divide up, accomodate, and adjust so each partners needs are met, feel loved, they aren't taking too much of the load, and you work together. It changes over time and you roll with it. So no, you are not asking too much, but you are asking a lot from a man child.

The flip problem is that you were drawn to this person. That says something about you and your standards. You really need to reflect on that deeper, especially if you keep drawing "hearts out of the deck" so to speak... that be a you issue. There are a lot of immature child men out there, so it is part of the cesspool you have to deal with.

The two pieces of the puzzle are solvable understanding your upbringing and his.

And from a greater perspective, you can solve the problem. "what the hell do I do now... and feel good about the conclusion".

That work, or help from a therapist is in order. Therapists can be helpful with the right skills and situation, otherwise is a big money suck. most issues you can solve on your own as you gain perspective.

[dustybiker2]

Have you stopped and asked him what he wants? Does he even want to go? It sounds like he's pulled out of the relationship and you've made plans for a trip in attempt to save it. You won't find a bandaid in Malaysia or Thailand.

This is how it comes across.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

You’re not going to “snap him out of it.” Men like this don’t act until you threaten to leave, and there will be some improvement for a month or two, but then it’s back to business as usual. I’d get out now while you still can

[AI Opinion]

Ah, relationships, the delightful dance of give-and-take! It sounds like you're feeling the weight of doing the cha-cha-cha solo while your guy does the robot in the corner. You're not selfish for wanting more balance.

It's completely normal to crave a bit more effort and equal partnership in your love fest. Try having a sweet heart-to-heart with him, expressing your needs and desires in this romantic tango. Clear communication can be the magic potion to shake things up a bit! Timing is key—catch him in a moment of bliss and share how you feel. Sprinkle in some fun and humor, and maybe, just maybe, he'll rise to the occasion and start mastering the art of planning! 🌟💃❤️

[mitch7753]

Honestly, I don’t think you’re expecting too much In most areas, I think it’s reasonable that he should help you plan at least part of the trip you know that way you can do some things you like and you can do some things he likes and you can both get to balance it Out As far as purchasing the things, I’m not sure if you mean you’re paying for everything or if he is just letting you use his money to buy it without really putting any input in But I still think he should be giving you input and y’all should be communicating what y’all actually want from the vacation and the relationship AS playing the game with you. I think he absolutely should have you know if I’m with a woman that love or care about I want to experience things with her sometimes I just want to try new things with her things I haven’t experienced and things she hasn’t either because it can be an experience for both of us together and I will say in my past relationships, I was not the best at communication so maybe just talk to him and tell him that you want his input and you want him to communicate with you more because you feel like you’re making all the decisions and you want him to be part of and you want to feel like he is excited to go on the trip I’m saying to word this a little differently because some men (Myself included before, but I’m working on it) Here the word, emotional labor, and it sounds Like something that is Very abstract, so we’re not exactly sure how to take it but if you say something like you would like his input or you would like him to help you and make decisions because you trust his judgment then that seems less like a accusation and more like a you’re my man I trust you I want you to help me with this. We’re in a relationship Together and we should both be having input if that makes sense. If he doesn’t understand it this way then I would probably just check out my other options but at least give him the chance first I’m not saying to just drop him. You know y’all been together for a while I think if you talk to him in this way, he’ll understand.

[Purpleronnie]

Thanks for the description , it helps when there is ‘some’ account of how your see your relationship / divide.


While it would be easy for me to say that your NOT expecting to much I’d be saying that as a measure of myself , the things that you have mentioned as his “failings” as you see it I would have no issue with. I love planning holidays and in actually fact I’m planning one to Malaysia and Borneo next year for my lady and I.


Conversely, sometimes a relationship is about each picking up the bits that they are good at and where they can shine , where their other half would struggle and to give your boyfriend the benefit of the doubt it may be that he believes your better although you may be more accepting if he said that or shown his appreciation in some other meaningful way !


People also have a tendency in relationships to focus a little too much on what isn’t there or whats negative.



That all being said , your will know him infinitely better than on user on gag will and if you feel that your more his mother than his partner then there is something in that , as long as your being honest with yourself and realistic in your expectation

[D_Bone_Steak]

lolz... I'd bet money he doesn't even want to go on these trips.

Yeah woman, from the sound of it, it sounds like all you do is consume any bit of his free time with "me me me" stuff and he's probably being too much of a simp to just check you and tell you to calm your tits.

Have you thought about that? Maybe his lack of motivation for booking flights and hotels could have a lot to do with him just getting dragged into that pointless bullshit. I've been to all those places and you're not missing much... it's just more people and bullshit to a typical male. Finding a place to stream a movie? <--What the fuck is even that? You make sit through romance movies and that kind of bullshit too? You might as well force him to wear a dress so you can go on 'girls nights out' with him.

I mean I'm not trying to diss it... different strokes for different folks I guess. If you tried to drag me along into all that bullshit, I'd break my foot off in your ass. I sure as fuck wouldn't throw perfectly good money in that direction...

So yeah, that's my perception of the situation. He's compitulating to all your womanish bullshit and you're noticing his lack of motivation for it, but not connecting the dots.

[aaron13547]

I think everyone has times they get this way. I know i have been guilty of it... maybe try talking to him about it tell him just like you told us. I read your message and wanted to help you. I think he would to... guys have a way of wanting to be comfortable it feels good but being comfortable is something that comes from mother love not girlfriend love. If you want to light a fire under him, tell him you are his girlfriend not his mom and if he doesn't want to be the other half in your relationship he can go back to live with his mom... my girl told me that once it really made me mad but looking back she was kinda right and now I'm about to thank her for waking me back up and putting up with me when I'm difficult. Thank you for making me think of this and good luck with him!

[OneViewpoint]

There is no snapping him out of it. He's a lazy momma's boy. He expects someone else to take care of him. And he's got you. You've set the dynamic between the two of you. If he refuses, you'll do it. Then you end up resenting him. Learn how to say no. He has no reason to change at the moment.

[Nikki1989]

The core issue isn't that he doesn't care; it's that he seems to have comfortably settled into a passive role where he relies on you as his primary planner and manager for anything he considers “stressful” or “too much effort.”

[exitseven]

This is definitely a problem. I was in a one sided relationship and finally i decided that i wanted more out of the relationship than she was willing to give and i broke up with her.
This will not get any better.

[fivebyfour]

You are not being selfish at all! he's acting like a complete a-hat, he comforts you when you're down to maintain a supply of sex, sorry to say that, but 1.5 years without a proposal of marriage?

[WhitneySnow]

That sounds really annoying. You need to have a serious talk with him about taking care of your needs and wants too.

[Alex-Snow]

You are not being selfish. A relationship should be a 50/50 deal. Has your sex life with him changed lately? Have u talked to him about your concerns?

[Staximus]

It sounds like those are just things you want to do and didn't bother asking him if he wants to do those things, too. Regardless, he sounds like a stick in the mud.

[RHK36]

Leave already. Why drag out this dead relationship. Move on or don't complain for sticking around.

[Raydergman26]

Tell him that you will leave him if he isn't paying attention to you you can find a different man

[lucas262]

Sounds like a conversation to have with him

[PeterLegg91]

A little yes

[Slim57]

Probably