Which would you rather have ladies: marriage or a LTR and why?

[VanillaSalt]

Marriage

LTR

[19magic]

Definitely the long term relationship, me and family isn't religious so that doesn't matter and I find people tend to change after marriage and not necessarily into a better version of themselves and I don't want that to happen with me and a potential partners

[VanillaSalt]

So then it’s okay if your super in love with a partner and they leave you out of nowhere because they don’t love you anymore?

Also what about children? Should they be able to leave you with the kids and just run away?

What if you get cancer? Should he be able to decide he don’t wanna take care of you and leave?

[19magic]

But everything you just mentioned can happen even if you're married it only costs 500 to dissolve your contract. And to leave with the kids is kidnapping without anything legal from the courts stating full custody. You can get arrested for that I should know dad called the police on my mother and vice versa. Many people who are married leave due to cancer and money hardships, just like many people who are not married stay and care for their partner.

There's also the fact that LTR means long term and there's a law stating that anyone who's been together for 10 years without marriage is considered to be in a civil partnership for all legal intents and purposes. Therefore the same lawful benefits as marriage without the 10k ceremony. If you add to this the typical marriage takes about 4-6 years to happen it's not far off the 10 year mark.

[VanillaSalt]

Yes but with marriage leaving has consequences. Also consequences help prevent it from happening. Seems like discarding no fault divorce might be a better option requiring people to try harder.

[19magic]

So you're married and you found out your wife cheated with I dunno a neighbor, but due to all these consequences it's very hard to get out of this marriage. Maybe you found out because both your kids knew but one helped cover and the other told you. Would you like to be told to try harder with your wife, just talk it out, or would you want to leave. I mean 20-40% of all divorces happen because of this.

I mean we try to pick the best partner to spend your life with but it's not always successful. Plus by choosing to not go out of my way to get married (I'm not against it, but it's also not something I've always wanted and/or dreamed of). Plus I'm not gonna worry those guys who say women are going to marry you, and take half your shit.

[19magic]

Also is that a new cat? love how you managed to get it on your shoulder for the shot

[VanillaSalt]

First off for the cat… I didn’t manage nothing… my shoulder is both his and his hell spawns favorite place. One of his kittens names Karma jumps nearly 6 feet to land on my shoulder every day I come home from work lol

On your the meat of the matter. Marriage used to only be annul-able under the right circumstances which include infidelity. Without no fault divorce most divorces were just accepted but with children you had to have a solid reason which included infidelity and abuse. If a man marrys its because he saw promise in the woman… not to up and leave. Otherwise he’d do it before.

You have no idea the bullshit I’ve gone through just to meet up with a single date. What’s the point if you can just run away when shit gets hard cause you can’t handle it. Honestly it’s kinda bullshit. What your saying when you say I do is you WILL not you will IF. And women say men are afraid of commitment.

I’m convinced you women are undateable at this point -.-

On the matter of women takes half a man’s stuff. Idc about the house or the car or the money… you steal a man’s family. And you can justify it.

[19magic]

But that changed over two hundred years ago, can't do anything about it now. I just think why is a signed piece of paper saying you're married, mean so much to people. It took 8 months for my dad to gain custody of me if my parents were married as well I don't think I'd have ever ended up with dad. The solicitors straight up told my dad only the woman would get children. He was left with nothing after her, a divorce would have done the same plus stripped him of all his money and future money. It's shitty that the courts favour women so much and something really needs to change.

My dad isn't married and him and his new partner have been together for 16 years and have two further kids 13 and 11 and will never just up and leave.

My aunt and her partner have been together for 15 years, she had one kid and they have three further kids. Again no marriage.

Again still together, which is why I say I don't understand why everyone's so fixated on marriage. The amount of stories I've read saying we've been together for 4,5,6 years and he hasn't proposed yet. Everything is great between us, we live together and we're very happy. But I'm thinking I should leave if he doesn't propose. - The idea of leaving just because of no proposal is just absurd I don't need a ring, or signed papers or a big celebration with both families to say I love that man. If you love each other and you're very happy, then why leave? Why does it matter? Your reasoning is because you can leave easier without one. If you're gonna leave, a marriage won't stand in your way it'll just be more costly and take a year or more.

And the main reason I don't care about marriage is because my dad taught me you don't need one to have a happy, loving and caring relationship. So if I'm undateable due to not understanding why marriage is such a big deal, blame my dad as a male, and not women. I've never really had female influences in my life it's pretty much all male.

[19magic]

And if you want to get married then do so, I don't care if you or anyone else gets married. I'm not saying it should be banned or that it shouldn't exist. All I'm saying is I personally don't see the point in it. I'm not against it if I get with a guy who really wants it then I'd do it. But it's not a goal I'm aiming for, unlike being an amazing mother which I've dreamt of being since I was three.

[VanillaSalt]

Lol I very much want children. But unlike you I can’t just get drunk and come home with them one day… though I’m sure similar to you I don’t think that’s a good way to do it. I’m just pointing out you can get children easy. Very easy.

Oh the other hand like you said depending on the state your in common law marriage is a thing enforcing marriage contracts on even unmarried men. And also like you said the women usually get the kids. In Texas it’s 95% of the time. Title 4D is a law that grants special financial incentives to grant the father less than 25% custody of children. That means it’s not 50:50 custody but 75:25 or less in favor of the mother to get the full 0.66$ on the dollar for divorce courts. We incentivize divorce for the courts and women and disincentivize marriage for men… did you know a divorce judges retirements based on Title 4D here in Texas? Now considering these laws take effect anyway mind you Texas don’t have a formal timeframe for common law…

So even if I choose to be LTR over marriage she can take my kids and shit. If we did away with no fault divorce she’d at least need to make me cheat or murder her to take my shit and my family.

[19magic]

It wasn't something I was planning that's for sure. Everyone told me that I should just abort her like most people our age. I simply couldn't do that. I'm still really worried for her future, but figure no dad is better than an abusive one - the guy lied to me about being engaged and then called me an attention seeking homewrecker who only wanted to ruin their relationship. I was then told by a mutual friend, this isn't the first time he's cheated either.

I didn't know that though I guess that is similar to here. Holidays are 50/50 for custody and the courts decided that I get every other weekend and every Wednesday after school with the non custody parent. So 3-8pm essentially of course dad abided by it via the letter, mother didn't see me once I used to hang out with the lollypop lady outside school and she'd walk back to school with me after her shift ended to phone dad to come pick me up (4pm). But I don't know the % of males gaining custody only that it took forever to happen and without him around my mother abused me more than ever.

Okay I get your reasoning, but that isn't a thing right? - so based on what your saying a marriage still doesn't benefit you, unless they put in a no fault divorce. If no fault divorce doesn't exist then why do you still want a marriage so bad?

[VanillaSalt]

I’m against no fault divorce. No fault divorce means you can divorce without fault. Marriage was a contract that required a reason for divorce. With children that is.

[VanillaSalt]

As for you past. That sucks. But everyone has a difficult past. All we can do it grow past it. I cut ties from people that don’t matter that irritate me and I suffer those that either matter or suffering them benefits me… like the fool at work or a SO.

[19magic]

Okay that's my

[19magic]

Okay that's my Naivety there, never actually heard of it called as a no fault divorce before.

My question still stands though, only no fault divorces exist right, so why is marriage so important when it still doesn't seem to help you.

Meh mother's dead now anyhow, at least I'm about 90% sure I will get the death certificate from the office one day just to confirm. I've gotten over that... pretty much, but then that's why I'm not dating.

[VanillaSalt]

Because an ideal situation is no fault divorce is discarded by the GOP when they take over lol. I doubt they will but I’ve heard people say their talking about it… the more people that think about it the more chance it’s done. Take away the ease of divorce and many MANY more men will start considering marriage again.

For me ideal is marriage is permanent. I don’t wanna make a LTR and worry 10 years from now your gonna take my kids and leave. Women have proven to me their not that trust worthy.

[19magic]

One last question then I'll leave the matter to rest. What happens though if you date someone for a year or two and have lived together for 6 months a year and you decide that you both want to get married. And then you've had the wedding and boom her whole personality shifts a complete 180. But you can't divorce unless she cheats but she won't cause your married and that'll make it annulled.

- I recently heard a story like this on Reddit they married and she suddenly quit her job, stopped doing any housework, stopped cooking. And instead sat on her ass all day because she's 3 weeks into her pregnancy. All of this she did on her own and never even discussed this with him. I mean on my due date I was still going to my uni classes and getting on a bus etc. A month into pregnancy is pure lazy, unless you have a serious health problem, but in this story that wasn't the case.

[VanillaSalt]

Depends on the state of marriage. Let’s assume no fault divorce was still the way. She wouldn’t even make it to that point. She could leave, take my kid and demand alimony and child support, and just up end my life. Without no fault divorce she’s stuck in the same situation as me. I’ll make her life hell until she fucks up or straighten out. A person that deceives others for so long don’t deserve any better. Without a way out it’s in her best interest to work with me to make a somewhat better life for both of us…

More importantly if I really failed to judge a person so badly after such a long time I deserve the bullshit she puts me through.

The point of marriage is finality. You either succeed together or fail together. You can both be happy or both suffer. When your not given the choice to quit your forced to meet the problem head on and try and do better even if begrudgingly.

[letuswaltzforthedead]

LTR, I don't need the government involved to know I'm in a relationship with someone.

[VanillaSalt]

I like this way of thinking. So what do you think about the fact of common law? Most states in the United States have a timeframe to where your automatically considered married by government standards.

Also do you prefer your partner has the ability to leave on a whim or for him to be forced to have a reason? It’s very similar to at will work. In Texas for example we are at will… it means that employers can fire you without reason and you can’t respond but you can also quit without reason. Some states are not. Both you and the employer require good reason to part and it can be enforceable with fines.

[letuswaltzforthedead]

I don't really mind it, I just don't think the government should be involved with marriage, at least not the federal. I think having that laws for businesses that you're describing makes sense since you're dealing with one crucial aspect of people's livelihoods. Personally, I would prefer that my partner has the ability to leave me whenever. It would be my fault anyways.

[VanillaSalt]

I would agree if it wasn’t for the rate of women leaving men and the outcome of divorce… 80% of divorce is filed by women. It is suspected to be 90% at this point. The 20% that’s men the top 2 reasons for filing will surprise you… addiction and commuting a crime. For women on the other hand the top reasons are Infidelity and lack of intimacy. Comparing such reasons and rates.. the problem is women. They quit too easy. They demand commitment when most of them don’t even know the meaning of the word.

Commitment is working 80-90 hours a week on a job you hate to support your family. It’s rarely the women that do that. It’s taking up arms to defend your family. Remind me the ratio in the military. It’s putting your family before yourself… like we say women and children first… most women haven’t earned the right to say they deserve anything. I know hard working women out there… not many but a few…

[sheenagwapa]

i gotta have both my gosh i want forever and marriage is important for me since it is asking God's blessinh for the marriage to last forever 😁
they go hand in hand

[VanillaSalt]

I wish you luck. When you religious marriage has a different meaning. I’m against the state being a part of it in any way. I refuse to marry because of what it could and most likely would mean for me. The drastically for divorce are far far too high. If even 1:5 marriages ended in divorce it would be too high for the cost and benefit but it’s actually 50:50… I’m not a godly man but I believe in the message of the Bible because it teaches us morality. Marriage is another morality and SHOULD be sacred. But to most women today it’s just a pretty day and easy money. People, especially women, don’t seem to understand “for better or worse, in sickness and in health, until death do us part” isn’t just a recommendation. Pick better partners and take longer to decide… be better people. I’m asking too much though.

[Bethany22]

What's an LTR? Long term relationship? Marriage. After a certain number of years in an LTR, it just looks like the guy won

[VanillaSalt]

How is it he won and not you? Your with the man you chose right? He’s monogamous and doing his part or you’d leave right?

I also wanna know what men get out of marriage. in my opinion men committed to marriage to get sex, companionship, children, tax breaks, and it WAS necessary to most of that. Now women five sex free, companionship can be gotten via family and friends. Children always go to the women and are a toll women use to hurt the men that care. And screw the tax breaks considering the extra cost of a family.

Women behaved a certain way and treated men a certain way. Argue good or bad that was the cost of a man’s commitment. Most women won’t do the things we want anymore. Cooking and cleanings not for her cause she’s not a maid. Most women can’t cook. Most of these women already have a dozen sex partners and multiple kids by their 30s. Their unladylike and lack any form of grace.

Regardless what YOU are… I’m dating now. And I’m telling you this is the types of women I see. I just told a little brat the other day I’m not gonna spend the next 50 years in a relationship hearing she don’t need me and hearing her refer to herself as a queen… she got mad like I was the crazy one. I have dealt with over a dozen ghosts in the last month and zero women willing to meet for a first date. I meanwhile have been forward with them all… not interested… you live too far… I want children… I’ve turned them down respectfully. Only one of you have had the decency to do the same to me. You women arnt worth marriage anymore. One out of hundreds are decent. The rest… broken, foolish, childish, selfish, stupid.

For women the same can be said however… you choose. You choose us. I don’t choose I swipe on everyone that meets the very barest of my requirements then talk to most of my options. This isn’t just the women I like this is any woman that responds to me… it’s not me. It’s you.

[Rania05]

A long-term relationship should eventually lead to marriage, both legally and their respective religion if they have

[annabananna]

Love and marriage love and marriage. It goes together like a horse and carriage.

[VanillaSalt]

Lol Married with children… these kids will never hear the originals… mash, hogans heroes, the a-team, cheers, and of course married with children… oh night rider!

[Wolfynight]

I'd rather have marriage cause, thats just who i am

[OnlinePeanut22]

It depends. I don't mind each way. I wp would prefer long term relationships.

[watercolor_lions]

You're saying this like marriage isn't an LTR

[VanillaSalt]

It’s not… it’s like comparing which tv your going to buy with the specs side by side… the first 6 are checked on each side but then marriage comes with a few extra checks… alimony for instance. In an LTR the government and indeed both you and your partner arnt entitled to anything that’s not specifically yours. Men get everything they want from an LTR but women don’t get the solid commitment they want without marriage. We can’t have such steep costs for divorce while making it so easy to divorce. That’s why men won’t marry anymore.

[Nikki1989]

I am married and couldn't be happier.