Does anyone else find it annoying when someone treats you really well to get you in a relationship but then once they have you the energy isn’t same?

Question

The same*

caring__1 · Accepted Answer

Unfortunately, most people (all genders) rely on bait and switch to find a partner. Once they hook the person, they remove their mask and say "If you love me, you'll accept me as I am." This only leads to bitterness and resentment. It would be nice if we were encouraged from an early age to feel good about ourselves, rather than be programmed to conform to particular molds. Uniqueness leads to confidence. Conformity leads to feels of inadequacy. When people feel they don't measure up, they feel they have to pretend to be someone else in order to attract anyone. The truth will always come out.

Yes, this is annoying, but what are we going to do to reduce this pattern? We can teach our kids they are unique and special (not princesses with great entitlement). We can take our time to explore and discover potential matches rather than just see what we want to see. There are some simple question we can ask to get a clearer picture of the other person. I've posted them here before, but I'll share them again if people ask for them. Rather than sit around and stew in annoyance, ask yourself what you can do to move yourself in a positive direction. You'll never be able to control the people around you, but you do have control over your own choices.

MrOracle · Accepted Answer

EVERYONE does this to an extent. You might not realize that you do, but you do.

Yes, I absolutely agree that there are people who do this to a much greater extreme than average, and that's a real problem, but if you think you don't do this to some extent yourself, you are delusional.

There's a REASON they call it the "honeymoon period" - usually around 6 months - after which people get comfortable around each other and typically don't put in as much effort as before. Yes, this is where relationships REALLY take some work, and, yeah, not everyone is willing to put in that work, but that includes women just as much as men. Clearly many couples survive that 6-12 month danger zone where the honeymoon period has ended and they have to transition to long-term effort, so it absolutely can be done, but not everyone is willing to make that effort.

AshLee83 · Accepted Answer

I hate when men seem wonderful when we’re first dating but slowly show their true colors. I’ve learned the hard way that’s a classic personality trait of a narcissist. They mirror your likes, dislikes and desires. They’ll go to any lengths to win you as if you’re their next big prize to be won. But once they have you, it’s like you no longer matter to them. The reality is that you never did actually matter to them…it’s the chase that fuels them, not a desire for real communication, understanding and appreciation. Narcissists are in love with being in love. Their over inflated egos make them appear confident and cocky but underneath it all they’re actually unhappy with many aspects of themselves. They can never love another person until they learn to love themselves first. Though, I imagine few narcissists achieve that goal since they hate being alone and without time alone introspection most likely won’t happen.

I’m a narcissist magnet which I don’t understand. I’m polite, caring, I even volunteer in my community so why do they love me (or think they love me) like they do? They swarm me like zombies. Haha. Funny but scary.

Nash62826 · Accepted Answer

Yeah extremely annoying. I was with this really nice guy once but then when we got together all consideration was thrown out the window. My schedule is kinda hectic so we can't Jan out all the time and when I say I couldn't he'd say find a way for us to meet up but if he's busy for let's say 2 days and I wanna meet up I totally understood that he couldn't. His whole big on consent was also a load of crap, once I was showering and he was over at my house barged into the the bathroom even after I told him to get out. people like this just make actually nice guys look bad.

kylee2437 · Answer

Absolutely. If you ask people that have been in a relationship for 20 years and so on, they will tell you the effort put in to make it that far never stops.

loveslongnails · Answer

I'd think you find it far worse than just "annoying" - it should be a red flag. Men or women who like the chase and conquer portion of the interaction most, rarely value the catch as much once they have it. The problem is these people are usually very adept at this game, and their enthusiasm masks everything and sweeps you up in it. Then the letdown comes and all you're left with is that "what the fuck" feeling because you didn't see it coming. Not just annoying - it sucks and is a good reason to move on, in my opinion.

Ironic_Method · Answer

That's how most people are. Guys and gals peacock around to try and impress which sets the STANDARD for the other.

Which is why I refuse to do any of that. For the first date I don't dress up or do anything fancy - it's just plain ordinary me. IF they like that, then they're going to love when I go all out, but at least I know they enjoy the everyday me. It's worked so well so far.

Crankor · Answer

That's an unfortunate side effect from how pretty much everyone views a relationship. Based on social media and what are introduced to on TV. The pressure of feeling less worth if they are not in a relationship, the convience of the instant satisfaction from tinder if they choose. There's lots of reasons for it being that way. Maybe people focus too much on what they can get instead of what they need or want...

Summeroflove · Answer

Yeah. I think that some people both men and women. They want to get the person they want. But as time goes on they don’t put the same effort into it anymore. Maybe they think they already won you. Maybe sometimes. People don’t do it intentionally.

Intentionally or not. A relationship both people have to be putting their effort into one another. Otherwise things can get pretty miserable pretty fast.

ARecruitedPerson · Answer

I do. It’s irritating as well because it’s hard to tell the difference between a genuine person and a non-genuine person when they both do the same things but change once you’re both in the relationship. I guess, just make sure the reason your going for a relationship is for the companionship of it all, the intimacy both emotionally and physically, and not to “win,” them.

BlueScorpio · Answer

Yea that happens when you been in a relationship for quite sometime. It's called getting comfortable, the bot of you are in love (hopefully) and use to each other ways. You don't feel like you have to do the extreme or extra mile versus when you first met each other. Never let the sizzle or romance die out your relationship, you gotta keep falling in live with each other everytime. In otherworldly be each other's morticia and gomez..

mickmrly · Answer

That’s why I am determined to treat my girlfriend before marriage as if we were already married (excluding the more intimate stuff of course). Getting the headspace early on towards what would being married be like, is the most efficient way to go about it in my opinion. Slowly easing the two train tracks of two different people to one train track should be the journey of courtship before marriage. That way there shouldn’t be too much difference before and after marriage.

Aerissa_Jade · Answer

Definitely, I hate it when someone pursues me but then once they get me, they made me an option while I made them a priority. They got me but then they don't want anything serious until I want to end it and move on, then suddenly they do.

Honestly, though, most people when dating are not the same after. I know I'm not, I admit it.

bubblegunnn · Answer

Yup, they were like sweet as tons of sugar then once they got u, their sweets slowly fading, ants stole it i guess.. once they got no sweet at all and it became bitter, well guess they doesn't love or like us like they used to, well maybe they got bored lmao

DiegoO · Answer

What I find annoying is people who use romantic relations, to don't feel alone, or lonely. They'll say they love you, but do anything within their possibility to avoid intimacy with you.

JSmuve · Answer

Yes, it's definitely feeling like I've been sold a bill of goods. That's why I always bring the same energy in the beginning as I would later on. But that's usually not enough for the women who want to be love bombed and have my attention all the time. It's bloody exhausting trying to keep up with their expectations. That's probably why guys withdraw. Women withdraw because they're attracted to someone else.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

Let me give you a Truth Bomb (for Free):

If this happens to you, it's YOUR fault. It's because you were extremely demanding and you make them over-exert themselves just to get a date with you. Did you REALLY think that a man was going to give you 200% effort 24/7 for the rest of his life?
Come on.

ViceGAG · Answer

Look girl, women always ask for it, they adore men who treat them like crap. I’m not an incel nor do I have anything against you, I just have experienced enough in my life to know this.

annabananna · Answer

Yea it can be disappointing but that’s why it’s important to move slow and why whirl wind romances can sometimes be so catastrophic.

Bethany22 · Answer

Yes, that is very annoying. Aparantly men assume that once in a relationship, the women now know that they can just ask for what they want, and the guy will be happy to do it for them.

BJP21 · Answer

I found myself getting very burned out keeping up with my former girlfriend. She loved being very outgoing which I was all for, but it got to a point where going 3 hours out of the way for a date got tiring.

Nomina · Answer

Is your energy always the same at the start during a relationship?

ohsheeT · Answer

Pull the plug.. because once you get in to the relationship the deeper the energy should become everything gets better and better

Alwayreckles93 · Answer

Especially when it's a 30 year old momma's boy.

Darine123 · Answer

That’s normal, they treat u so nice to fuck you once they got to fuck they started to treat you like piece of shit

FilmGuy93 · Answer

Most people both find that annoying and do that in their own relationships

Alex8736 · Answer

For starters ask them whats changed.. If they cop an attitude just break it off and like clockwork they will treat you well to win you back

Anonymous · Answer

Par for the course. Most people do this, by degree. Probably you too

whistlingwh0res · Answer

I see 90 day fiancé and they do it a lot. When they date guys are so sweet but then they turn so cold and neglect their wife girl friend.

Mediterraneansoul · Answer

Of course the effort that goes in fishing is never the same as the effort in burping

peedy · Answer

LoL I think everyone had gone through that Toys look so great when they are in the store window but lose their appeal once you get them home

Chazmatazz269 · Answer

Yeah. People are the worst! Ell oh ell!

Sixgunsound · Answer

Whole mood

EaterPeter · Answer

Kind of and people change

Havthrills · Answer

Yes!

Anonymous · Answer

Yes, that's annoying, but what can you do?

Anonymous · Answer

Made the mistake of staying with them way to long

Anonymous · Answer

Yes, I hate it when women do that.

Anonymous · Answer

Probably because she hurt him bad

In_Trance · Answer

Maybe their energy didn't change and yours did

Does anyone else find it annoying when someone treats you really well to get you in a relationship but then once they have you the energy isn’t same?

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Does anyone else find it annoying when someone treats you really well to get you in a relationship but then once they have you the energy isn’t same?

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