Is a boyfriend is suddenly ok with an open relationship, is this a bad sign?

[Anonymous]

We've been dating for 3 years now (I'm 25 and he's 29). Last month was the first time he suddenly suggested that if I wanted to add a 3rd party I could and it wouldn't be cheating. He's said he would be ok as long as I follow 3 conditions: My boyfriend is my only real partner, I never develop feelings for the 3rd party and it's not with one particular guy he hates. I'm his 3rd girlfriend and he's never been like that with anyone. He admitted I'm the only woman he is telling me this.

Needlessly to say this quite took me my surprise. Is this a bad sign?

Updates

1 y

This doesn't seem like the common, normal reaction a loving and protective boyfriend would feel towards the woman he loves. Typically guys are territorial and jealous in that aspect. They usually don't like sharing their women, just as they don't like sharing their cars.

If a boyfriend is ok with it and doesn't seem to care this is a bad sign right?

[mlvrjohnconnor]

It’s a very bad sign. He is either not interested in you anymore and wants to pave the road to a mutual breakup without him looking like a bad guy, or he has been cheating on you and looking for excuses in case you find out about it. Have a conversation and make sure there is no misunderstanding, then move on no matter which scenario it is.

[Asker]

yeah I'm disgusted by that offer. Any real, loving boyfriend wouldn't even dream or imagine sharing his girlfriend. My gut instinct is telling me he likely cheated because he hasn't been acting himself late; he's been distant and weird.

[mlvrjohnconnor]

I would be disgusted too. He probably never loved you for the past few years and just enjoyed the free sex and companion from you. A decent guy would never think about sharing his girlfriend even if the relationship does not work anymore.

[kylee2437]

Sounds like an excuse to be able to do what he wants also or is possibly guilty of something where he feels like he needs to give you that freedom. I would end things if a guys values suddenly change

[Asker]

yes he changed so drastically. That's not the protective guy I've met that would've never thought about sharing me. It makes me feels as if there wouldn't be any value in the relationship anymore. Why would I want to include others? I wouldn't be ever ok to share him with other women. The fact that he's ok with sharing me with another man is grossing me out.

[kylee2437]

Yeah that means in those 3 years, he wasn’t being honest of his values. They changed because he got comfortable

[Asker]

I told my friend about it and she's very worried now. She knows of two girls whose men also suggested that. In those two cases, their men was or had cheated and was trying to get rid of his guilt by suggesting an open relationship.
I'm worried now. Plus he's been acting a bit distant too and weird lately. I have a gut feeling something just isn't right.

[kylee2437]

Go with your gut feelings. When I had gut feelings about both my exes cheating, they were. It’s usually completely obvious and the fact that he thinks he owes you that after 3 years of you accepting things the way they are is a major red flag

[Agape93]

It means he was cheating before

[Asker]

yes this is what my gut instinct is telling me. He hasn't been himself lately. He's been acting distant.

[Crowferret]

Pretty bad sign, sound like he might leave.

[In_Trance]

Red flag for sure if you're not ok with it

[Asker]

Ok thanks. I'm actually disgusted by that offer.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Red flag.

[Asker]

I have a feeling he might have possibly cheated and is giving me permission out of guilt. I told a friend about this and she's very concerned for me. She knows of two people whose men suggested that and in those two cases it was because the man cheated and was trying to get rid of their guilt.
I'm not liking it. I find the offer degrading and disgusting. Why would any loving boyfriend want to share his girlfriend?

[TheSpaceGnome]

Already cheated or not, he wants to cheat, thats all an open relationship is, permission to cheat.

So yeah, huge red flag, not even worth thinking about if he already cheated, he's got the opinion that cheating is ok, best to ditch him.