I saw my friend touch stripper at his bachelor party. Do I say something to his fiance or not? Guys on reddit attacked me that I need to stay quiet?

[uijkor]

I went to my friends bachelor party last night. This was the first time I went to a bachelor party, since I don't hang out a lot. The guys said they hired stripper for the evening. I was never at strip club, that is just not my thing.

She started dancing on him, and he touched her everywhere, mostly boobs and ass. I was a little bit shocked because I thought strippers are there just to dance and that there is no touching. I thought things like this are only seen in movies like Hangover but that it does not happen in reality.

The other guys enjoyed the show and acted like it was the most normal thing to do. I don't know what happened next because I left the party.

I am confused, should this be considered cheating? How is this different from him touching some other women's boobs and ass. I know the bride and I feel uncomfortable looking her in the eyes after this. Since this was my first bachelor party, I don't know whether should this be considered cheating or not, do guys do this normally, should this be acceptable for bachelor parties?

Now, when I asked this question on reddit, most guys attacked me that I will lose him as a friend and should not tell because it was just bachelor party.

An ex dancer said it is totally normal for bachelor parties that the groom touches stripper if she allows it (and it seems a lot of them allow touching despite my prior beliefs of no touching rules) and she said she sent many men to marriage that way...

Others said I am being naive with my opinions and that this is normal for strip clubs and that a lot of places allow even sex with strippers (managers turn blind eye to this)...

One of the guys said that if I say something I would disrespect every "bro code" on planet earth...

What should I do, how is this different from him touching any other women? Would you say something to the bride or not?

Thanks :)

[SueShe]

Unless the guy never met his girlfriend and soon wife to be, what he did is just plain cheating. End of story.

He obviously does not start his relationship with his current girlfriend very well and touching a stripper is equivalent to both emotional cheating and physical cheating his future wife. I am quite sure that he will not tell his girlfriend that he was tactile with a girl. That is a total red flag and a reason for the future wife to sever this relationship before it even starts.

Once a cheater, always a cheater and I don't give this future marriage a long life.

Now, as to tell the girlfriend or not, this is a very delicate question. Do you want to be responsible for a possible delicate conflict within the couple? Do you want to be the one that is possibly the origin of a divorce or separation? What are your motives to want to tell the future bride? Are you yourself interested in her?

Even though I totally disapprove the guy's behavior, I don't think it is up to you to inform the wife to be. Stay out of their private life.

[uijkor]

I am definitely not interested in her romantically. I have my morals and that is why I asked this question. Since it was my first bachelor party I wanted to see if this kind of behavior might be normal for these events.

[SueShe]

This is definitely not normal and is a very questionable attitude by the guy and/or by those that have organized the bachelor party. If someone else did organize it, then those people are toxic but certainly not friends.

[uijkor]

guys on reddit said this is different since stripper is payed to do this an not interested in the groom but I share your opinion

[Aerissa_Jade]

Really depends on did she also have a party with a male stripper? and what might of happened there.

It is definitely cheating, but I can say as a former exotic dancer, NO ONE was ever allowed to touch me, but it depends on the person and what is allowed at what clubs or if hired to do a home party or at place of business.

Where I was, touching a girl would get you kicked out no warning, possibly even have the police called on you. A dancer who allowed it would have their contract terminated... as it was a mid to high club.

Low level clubs allow shit, but they also get shut down a lot and never seem to stay in business.

As for telling her, is she your friend too? cause you may have to decide who is your friend and know that there will be consequences.

If she didn't have any wild bachelorette parties, she might be hurt and want to end it and you saved her... from a bad marriage. If she also did, might be told none of your business.

Do realize though, with time... no matter what you do, it will fade... if you do nothing then how will you feel about it down the road a few years if he cheats on her and you could of prevented it. If you do something and you lose your friend and have no friends down the road, will you be okay?

[uijkor]

As far as I know she did not have her bachelorette party and she does not seem at all like a person who would have wild party...
It is just weird for me because a lot of guys on reddit and even here is saying not to tell, like it is perfectly normal to do it on bachelor party...

[Aerissa_Jade]

and that is sad, if it is perfectly normal to start a marriage by cheating.

[bamesjond0069]

People have wildly different boundaries in relationships. Unless you know something was wrong wrong just mind your own business. 1. He might be totally allowed to touch a tit. So wtf? Pretty reasonable. 2. He didn't go have sex or anything. Chill. It's not your business.

That being said I'd be all for telling on him if say his fiance was like "promise he won't get a lap dance. We don't allow that." Then I'd tell on him. And if he had sex I'd tell too. But to touch her when there is no context of that's not ok, smh no. Just stay out. This is the fastest way to be involved in the middle of drama and everyone hating you.

[AviatorTom]

I suggest you keep your mouth shut. Touching a stripper at a bachelor party (if the stripper allows it) is perfectly normal and harmless.

[Little_Bumblebee]

I think this depends on the partner and whether or not they have set up rules for each other for what is allowed.

I understand your struggle with what to do, I think I would be just as surprised and frustrated by the situation.

You sound like a good guy with this dilemma, cause as you said, the men would just protect his bro without caring about the other part.

I think you can always talk with your friend about it, talk like "woo, that was some crazy bachelor party, huh?" and then maybe probe into what he did, how he feels about it, and whether or not his fiancee would be happy with it.
Get that feeling about it, maybe he'll lie or avoid it even, but then you'll know.

Maybe also talk with the fiancee without directly telling her, but maybe ask her indirectly.

[uijkor]

I don't understand how they wanna protect him even after what he did. I know nobody else from the party would tell, I am 100% sure of it

[Little_Bumblebee]

Because so many be like "bros before hoes," they don't hold each other accountable for shitty behavior.
But in my opinion, people should hold each other accountable - no matter the gender.

[uijkor]

exactly, here gender should not matter

[Little_Bumblebee]

Exactly.

[dustybiker]

What is allowed by each stripper is discussed when hired. Some will go farther than this.

I’m on the fence. The fiancé probably knows how he is already and has her own guesses on what went on that night. I doubt she is stupid. It is a last night out. I would leave it be and allow her to say I do or not without interfering.

[uijkor]

farther, you mean having sex with the customer? I left early and don't have idea what happened next

[dustybiker]

Yes. Some do.

[uijkor]

but how do you know, have you ever seen it? nyon ever told you?

[dustybiker]

I have known a lot of people who’ve married in my time. I picked up a thing of two..

[A_Bell]

I would say it's not your business. These debaucherous bachelor parties are a mistake but there is no reason to ruin your friendships.

[uijkor]

I was really suprised when I saw that, I thought it is present only in movies...

[Adaeva]

You are attempting to be a damn snitch by making excuses and trying to justify it.

A snitch is worse then a son-of-a-bitch. A son-of-a-bitch condition is inherited, but a snitch cultivates his condition.

[TrueConfection]

Mind your own business. You're not a hero to him or to her by disclosing what went on at a guy's bachelor party.

[Revvl]

Biden is going to bring us into world war 3, and you are worried about this? lol

[NerdInDenial]

It’s best to stay out of it. Unless you’re friend had sex with the stripper, you’re bringing up unnecessary drama.

[fembotnpc777]

Fuck it. Tell her. Who cares what other people want to get away with?

[TroyDT2]

Is his fiancée your sister or a close friend? If not, I'd keep quiet.

[AimeeKyle]

It’s not your business or your relationship. Stay out of it and keep your mouth shut.

[AngryCarl]

What happens at the bachelor party is never spoken of again.

[Anonymous]

How close of a friend would you consider this guy?

[Trina5811]

Since u left the party I hope he hit that pussy before he's stuck with 1 all his life.

[LimitedBenefits101]

Don't be a snitch.

[PatriceONeal]

How about you stop being a blue pilled simp.