Did I ruin my relationship after asking my boyfriend why he told his guy friend I was his girlfriend instead of saying I was a friend?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend ( 20 M) at a peak of sadness or when he is mad, he tends to say hurtful things to me. And one of those was him telling me I’m a bad girlfriend when I was trying my best to console him. I still can’t forget when he told me I’m a bad girlfriend or how I always cause issues when the only thing I do is communicate my feelings to him. I try my best but nothing I do seems to work. A day ago I couldn’t handle it anymore so I told him how I felt about a lot of things and I asked him why he told one of his guy friends I’m his girlfriend instead of saying I was his friend. After I told him that he said that I have issues, he doesn’t know if we’re still in a relationship, & that now he is gonna treat me differently, and that when that happens I shouldn’t make a fuss out of it. Clearly I asked him A question it didn’t mean anything bad.

What can I do in this situation

[quaranta]

All this is very confusing, a lot of things are vague, it's hard to give a proper answer...
From what I understand, you wanted to keep the relationship secret and went mad about the fact he referred to you as a "girlfriend" while he had to keep the secret, correct? If that is the case, then probably you should find a way to do this "outing" to other people because you can't keep a long term relationship secret forever, it will always remain a kind of "casual" thing if you have to keep it secret.
If that wasn't the meaning, then that means you were just being really passive aggressive with that question I assume, like to say:"Afterall you are so absent I'm just like a friend to you, why do you even call me a girlfriend". If this is the case then it's quite clear why he went mad, passive aggression is one of the most obnoxious ways you can ever use to communicate something and generally fuels hate and conflicts by a lot. It's the main "bad communication skills" trait, and it expresses in similar things as well as silent treatment or anything victimistic of the same sort.

Now, beside this, for the rest it looks like you have arguments frequently, that you are not happy in this relationship, that you aren't getting what relationships are made for (comfort, relax, care, mutual understanding, growth together, safety, encouragement and much more).
So what you can do is either keeping accumulating these things until it's too much and you break up (that's what most couples do), or starting to cooperate in fixing the relationship by backtracking all the communication issues you had and tackling them with techniques/skills to unfold the problems they hold, but that requires communication skills that potentially none of you has. For sure you have both to start investing on communication and lack of malice, and honesty. I have no practical example but if the example of telling him he referred about you as a girlfriend while you feel ignored is the correct interpretation, then that is for sure not just "a question" like you paint it. To communicate discomfort, you have to tell what behaviour makes you feel bad and how, not using these passive aggressive provocations. You have to say with actual honesty how something he does makes you feel precisely. "This way to tell me that makes me feel insulted like if I am a stupid", "This way to react drains my energies and makes me feel hopeless", etc. Don't say "you make me feel X", address only the specific thing that makes you feel bad, and say only how it makes you feel, not implying what he should "do", that is a next step he will propose automatically. So, don't say:"You never do X for me", say "When you don't do X I feel Y".
This is only an example, there would be a lot more to say about boundaries and whatnot, you should search on internet about techniques to untie conflicts and to communicate your feelings in a healthy way.
With his cooperation, assuming he learns the same and thinks it's worth following a path of this sort, you will work together to make revert a lot of the shit that you stored so far (that doesn't go away by just "forgiving").

[slatyb]

If you did, it wasn't worth having.

[Iron_Man]

Get to the bottom of it

[Anonymous]

Surely it wouldn't be ruined over this?

[Cheerfull009]

Leave him, he is not sincere

[In_Trance]

Yeah