Are you aware the silent treatment generally doesn't work?

Question

If you're not talking to your SO for several hours, they won't be "chastised" because you're mad at them. Usually, if you go radio silent for longer than normal they'll assume that something's wrong, but still won't think you are mad at them and punishing them. Tell them you are mad and don't want to talk, then being silent will be punishing them.

Screenwriter · Accepted Answer

Someone's been giving me the silent treatment since Christmas and I'm just not getting into it with him. He's a longtime friend and I offered him my bed to sleep in since his heater was out AND he had no water at his house because his pipes froze and plumber hadn't come yet. He slept in his CAR because he didn't reach me by phone ONE TIME!!!

I always offer guests MY bed and I sleep on the sofa. However, he was sitting on my sofa Christmas Day, and we shared the blanket I use as a coverup. Well George smokes and not until he left my house did I smell the cigarette smoke on the blanket and it was strong. I tossed the blanket in the wash and when I spoke to him later the next day, I told him if he was going to sleep in my bed he had to bathe ( to get the cigarette smell off his clothes/body).

He never showed up to spend the night and to eat lunch with me. I didn't initially figure it out. But he HAD to know why I made that request. No one was indicating he was DIRTY. But he smelled like cigarettes!

I've been to his house. It stinks like an ashtray. I can't complain because IT IS HIS HOUSE!!! So I put up with the smokey funk if I'm there, which is seldom. HIs house is also, actually, filthy. He has a hoarding problem, and there's trash all over. I've helped him clean for a short period of time, but he never finished cleaning up...

So, perhaps this harkened back to an issue he has with hoarding/cleaning. He was living with roaches all around him, eating in his bed with piles of alcohol bottles, food, cola bottles, etc. When you walked in his house, your feet DID NOT TOUCH THE FLOOR! You were walking on trash. I haven't visited his house in more than a year, so I don't know what condition it's in.

I'm not a hoarder and I clean my home regularly as well as for spring and fall. I don't bring a smoky/smelly body to my bed because I don't smoke cigarettes. So, if he's offended and won't TALK about it with me, I'm fine with the silent treatment.

I'll catch up to him eventually. Don't need the discussion or stress associated with him FEELING I was calling HIM dirty. I wasn't.

I love George, but he has some blinders on that he doesn't recognize and has refused to deal with.

Username28 · Accepted Answer

I used to do the silent treatment and I just made myself mad. Boyfriend can’t read the mind just say it. Be with someone that can handle your delivery skills 🙃

Angelo75 · Accepted Answer

This is not only not working, but it can even be dangerous for relationship.

When one of the two goes into "silent" it means that for a while the other one will give space. But sooner or later the other one will start longing for the communication.

Now comes the danger.
Since you two are two different people, many times you'll end up not thinking like each other. So if you go for the "silent treatment", you end up doing it a lot.

What do you think will happen when they are getting silent treatment from you, but are constantly meeting friends and colleagues at work/school/outside?
They start getting the attention from someone else.

Well... there is ur recipe for disaster.
I'm not saying it will automatically make the partner a cheater.
BUT... by giving him/her silent treatment, you're exposing him/her to a specific type of danger/temptation.

So yeah... talk talk talk.
If you're mad... walk-it-off and talk-talk-talk... until you fix the argument.
Aaaaaaand prepare for the next argument, cuz it WILL happen.

ManOnFire · Accepted Answer

It is one of the most destructive behaviors between any two individuals, and a form of manipulation. What makes it so bad is that the one person wants you to ask what you did, so they can tell you "You don't know?" Or "You know well what you did."

I will meet a person halfway and say it's understandable that someone doesn't want to speak to someone for a while because they genuinely feel hurt or offended by something the other person did, and they're not speaking because they want to protect themselves or their peace.

But if you're doing the silent treatment maliciously just to get the other person’s attention and hope they beg you to know why you're not speaking, that's manipulation and emotional abuse.

Moose304 · Answer

There are two words I seem to hear a lot from people when the subject of relationships is talked about. Those words are Passive Aggressive! It is shocking how many people use this kind of language in both verbal and non-verbal communication. After years of knowing this still have to stop myself and backtrack when I see I am doing it. Now, go read this   and compare these examples to how you communicate! I know Kendra she does know what she is talking about!

Friendlybro79 · Answer

Not big into silent treatment but you be you. I'm not sure about how I feel about it but some believe that's a form of emotional abuse. I think saying I need some time to think and I don't want to talk right now is different than doing silent treatment for days or longer. I don't know how healthy it is for adults to try to punish each other.

I've had someone do this to me because I didn't remember something she said one time six months prior. I apologized and she didn't talk to me for 3 days so I ended the relationship. I didn't care for being treated like a child. That's just my humble opinion.

Chazmatazz269 · Answer

Non communication is a disease, especially among the willful.
Of course “works” is in play here.
I’ve literally never met a married man that felt “hurt” by “the silent treatment”. Ell oh ell! Most actually welcome the reprieve!
Of course, young men probably fold to such tactics easily. Men don’t grow soft in a single generation.

AdithyaR · Answer

Personally I'll never do the silent treatment.
I'll let them know I'm mad and that I need some time to cool off before talking about it. I mainly takenthe time so that I'm not in the heat of the emotions and accidentally end up saying something I don't mean.
So I wait till I calm down and talk it out.

RobT312 · Answer

I think it’s stupid but it kinda works for us. It is an immediate signal we are mad at each other. We then talk and resolve it

DizzyDesii · Answer

I talk A LOT. So they never get the silent treatment out of me 😂 They prob WISH i gave them the silent treatment. Shit it be the dude giving ME the silent treatment 🤣

slatyb · Answer

That would be a deal-breaker for me. Happily my wife and I basically never fight. We're both quite agreeable and have no fundamental conflicts. There's nothing to fight about.

SnowedIn · Answer

Agree. It doesn't work. Usually makes things worse.

katiesmuff · Answer

Going silent will solve nothing so it is a useless ploy to use!

Jhunitor · Answer

If my girl do something like that, she is for the street. I am no pedophile, I don't date children.

alcorriher · Answer

unfortunately yes. I've tried manyyyy times on my siblings. always fails

AngryCarl · Answer

I don't think it's supposed to "work". It's passive-aggressive behaviour, the relationship equivalent of "scorched earth".

Batsy01010101 · Answer

Not punishing anyone I'm just tired of getting hurt by her

CAPTAIN-OBVIOUS · Answer

It works about 80% of the time based on stats

Are you aware the silent treatment generally doesn't work?

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The silent treatment and how it sometimes backfires?

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