Is the silent treatment immature?

Question

Have you ever given or been given the silent treatment?

elmosfire · Accepted Answer

Depending on why it's being engaged by the person, it could be seen as either mature or immature in my opinion. I think that at some point though, if you want to keep it mature, you have to find a way to express yourself other than just avoiding communication. It could be a good tool to buy some time and evaluate the situation better objectively.

Miristheiss · Accepted Answer

Yes and no. Sometimes the hurt and intense feelings make it to where you shut down around the other person and you can't be warm to them and you are too hurt to talk.

The mature thing to do in that situation is to say I'm really hurt, I need to some time away to calm down and come to grasp with things until I'm ready to talk about this.

Pinay_ako · Accepted Answer

It is but not... If you want to give them silent treatment because you want to punish them or to hurt them, then yes it's immature. Not, if you want to have space and sometimes words are not enough to express yourself... But long term silence doesn't solve problems. Makes it worse sometimes

CubsterShura · Accepted Answer

When I'm silent, it means I'm preventing myself from saying something hella offensive. No shade.

pervertedjester · Answer

Yes. It's just another form of emotional blackmail.

StingRayxoxo · Answer

Yes, it’s immature. Sometimes I need some time away from the situation to clarify my thoughts and feelings so I don’t say something I’ll regret. But I always communicate that with my partner. Never the silent treatment.

PinkChampagne · Answer

It's probably an option for those who can't just sit and talk out the things... But I wouldn't do it... I'd rather talk 😊 I can't even handle it not to talk to my boyfriend 😅😍

BluesheepOwl · Answer

Yes to both. I kind of use the silent treatment. It's more like I need space to cool off otherwise I'll say something I'll regret out of anger. So I just chill on my own for a few hours, come to my senses and apologize.

I had an ex give me the silent treatment after I canceled on a date. It was probably the second time I cancelled and I didn't mean to always seem like I was cancelling. But I really couldn't make it, sadly. He got really angry I could tell because he stopped texting me. I could sense it that he was pissed which I felt bad but I gave him space. He didn't talk about it after that. He just acted like it didn't happen and I arranged the next date.

Thinking back on that relationship, he gave me the silent treatment quite a few times. It was a combination of both of us not talking to each other for a while. I have no idea if he was cooling off like I did or if he wanted to me chase after him and apologize. But I didn't chase him lol I just gave him space because that's what I would want.

Not sure if that's considered healthy.

GuyWithaBrain · Answer

NO, and here is why people will have there own opinion the silent treatment as some will call it is not true sometimes the person feels as if they say one thing or another that they could make it worse well being silent is sometimes the best of things talking to much can cause more problems then solving I have hanging in my room "Sometimes... sitting beside someone in silence... is more powerful than spoken words." no if you was to open your mind to this thinking you realize that love is not about talking its about what you do for each other so if he was to be or did do something wrong then not talking to him is more like punishment some will call it blackmail or even emotional abuse but if you can't sit back and look at the full picture then you would not realize what a dot painting is its like this if a kids steals from a store who should be punished the mother for not knowing or the kid knowing that it was wrong to take it so as you can see though its a form of punishment its not a traumatic as other things that happen in this world as long as your not wanting something in return its nothing more then giving a person their just desert and sometimes its best cause if they can't learn from a mistake then they will never be any good

mnbvcxz2262 · Answer

I understand how awful it can be but I just want to make sure people understand that sometimes people go silent because anything they do say would only escalate the situation.

For instance: Last night I got annoyed at the guy I'm seeing and went quiet. When he asked me what was wrong I'd say nothing and try to make an effort to seem happier or briefly talk about something trivial. I excused myself as feeling ill but mentally I had decided to finish things between us. There was no way to leave his apartment or talk without escalating things so I stayed. In the morning I realized my anger was more to do with my comedown and severe lack of sleep than him. We are now better than ever.

People giving the silent treatment shouldn't do so passive aggressively to punish the other person but people on the receiving end have to understand that sometimes it is necessary for their partner or friend to take a step back and evaluate the situation. Not everything you want to say in the moment is something you should say and no one should have to.

Rei02 · Answer

If the silent treatment is inmature or not, depends on the situation.

Eg, if someone doesn't understand that you don't want a romantic relationship even though you have already talked and try to make him understood, then the cold shoulder is the Last option no matter if the others think that you are cruel. This action is not inmature, you are just putting your limits in a mature way instead of engaging in physical aggresion when it can't be necessary unless the stalker decides to use it.

An inmature example could be like the one between children with their parents, they pout or don't want to talk to their parents if they don't give them what they want, it is like throwing a tantrum but in a silent way, like the threatening of not breathing.

A mature example can be if someone hurt you, either physical or emotionally, but it is something that cannot be neither forgiving nor forgotten so easily. Depending on the transgression, things could be patched by time, or they won't.

An inmature one could be that you had a feud with your friend because of a stupid matter like which is the Best movie this year, the most handsome guy at school or work, the Best place to eat, the one who deserves some prize, etc, etc. Of course, if there is a silent treatment, it shouldn't Last for long unless both you are very stubborn to eat part of the humble pie.

Like I said, it depends on the situation.

Unit1 · Answer

Ahhh, the silent treatment. It certainly has it's use cases but people generally just don't use it correctly most of the time.
Hence it got classified as childish by many.
One real example i had is when my then girlfriend got upset to me about something as rather unimportant as waking her up at the right time... Which i actually did by touching her in tenderness like hugging her but heard her response "let me sleep some more".

OK. 30 minutes later i told her verbally then "it's so-and-so time. Wake up".

Then basically that's where she started a drama show, insulted me as being abnormal and socially inept and told me she's never going to have a sleepover at my place again.

I told her i did exactly what she has asked me to do.

Then she said what she has meant.

Then i answered "you should have told me exactly that. I did what i was told.".

She insisted that it was my fault.

She kept being angry and accusing while i kept being calm and stoic.

Then boom. I said "ok!" And used the silent treatment. I said no word for the rest of the day to her except for "let's go out to work now." and "i will see you at work" when we (almost) parted ways (she should have went to work, i went to the university).
She started to follow me and tried to get me to speak. Me not saying a word and just ignoring her. After a few minutes she just left it be and went to work.

she got me angered a bit but i was undergoing anger management in solitude. I hate drama. I didn't want to say this at that time in order for her to not exploit it.

She has regretted her words a lot in the end.

Afterwards when she apologized to me i told her, that I'm not speaking in these situations in order to not do the same mistakes, that she did. That's when we started talking again.
And was for the better. I don't say or do anything i am likely to regret.
I hope she learned to better control herself.

So there we have it. One use case of the silent treatment.

Adrianna7868 · Answer

Not really, sure it's a dick move but it's far from immature. Some people like myself do it because I know I might lash out and do something I might regret later. What is really immature is lashing out at the person and not giving them a proper answer for it. I think you need to have a lot of self control to stay silent, especially if the situation was heated. After all, if you have nothing nice to say, don't say it at all. But in the end, if I'll apologize afterwards cause I know it was a dick move. There are only a few circumstances in which I haven't apologized or confronted them and that was because I felt unsafe with that person.

-Aeon- · Answer

When our emotions take over, we sometimes act irrationally, and this includes giving others the silent treatment.
So I would not say that it is immature. The immature actions are keeping up the treatment for extended periods of time and not following it up with a conversation about the problem.

The silent treatment is unpleasant for the one receiving it, and I find that it only causes me to feel resentment for the one giving me that treatment, making it harder to fix the problem once talking starts.
It is an unproductive move and people should try not to use it.

Myk13 · Answer

I have been given the silent treatment. They stop doing it when they realize that it doesn’t work. It doesn’t bother me. I like to act like nothing is wrong. Either have a conversation about the problem or move on. Don’t just sit in the middle like a bump on a log. What’s that going to fix?
I will continue to ask her questions completely off the subject and wait for a response. If she won’t respond. I like to answer for her and then tell her what a great choice she’s made.
If she is that pissed off at me and thinks that I am going to sleep on the couch. She’s lost her damn mind. That’s our bed. We will sleep in it together. If you don’t want to because you’re pissed off. Then you go sleep on the damn couch. While I sleep like a baby in bed.

somerandomguy197 · Answer

I did it when this girl I love rejected me and only wants me as a friend... I haven't spoken to her since.

so nah... I wouldn't say it's immature... some people just to it for good reasons or to get something out of it... or to fix something...

I was hoping ignoring this girl and rejecting her offer for friendship would make her want me more in less of a friend way but the same way I like her.

but it seemed it didn't work cos she also hasn't spoken to me since... so now I'm just sort of doing it as revenge.

Anonymous · Answer

Not for me it isn’t. I mean if it’s because of a petty fight, it can be immature. If it’s something big that caused me to be deeply upset and hurt, i would give him the silent treatment.. Not because i want to take “revenge” on him, but because I’d rather talk to him again when I've had my own time and space. If not, im pretty sure I’d tell him mean things out of anger and that would even worsen the fight. Id simply tell him to give me a little time and space alone and that it’s for the sake of our relationship.

Anonymous · Answer

It’s immature and extremely manipulative. Not to mention very cruel, as well. I’m all for wanting to take some time to process your thoughts and emotions, but if you’re an adult you should know how long you need and you should tell your partner how long it will be. That’s not the silent treatment. Really, unless your partner has cheated on you, ignoring them is unwarranted and is a cruel form of punishment. I can’t say this in all cases, but the silent treatment is usually perpetuated by women, and it’s done to punish men while still being able to say they “just needed space” If you need space or time to gather your emotions, be an adult, and let your partner know that’s what you need. Lack of communication is often a part of breakups, and the silent treatment contributes to that.

thatguyfromtoronto · Answer

It depends, some people use the silent treatment because they don't want to argue, but yeah some people to gain more attention. Usually, when I pull the silent it's because that person is pissing me off and I just can't bother. They say silence is the best response.

Chaz269 · Answer

It is immature, but it's still better than some other options. This is especially true when you don't have the luxury of time to sort out your thoughts and feelings in order to foster a productive dialogue. That said, there are a few necessary words to introduce the silence that go a long way toward avoiding that "silent treatment" stalemate feeling. "I'm sorry, but I need some time to process this before I can offer meaningful input to solving our problem (s)." Or something of the like.

LesterJester · Answer

Well it depends on the intent.

If someone is giving you the silent treatment because they're angry and are doing it because they know it bugs the hell out of you then yes, it's immature. because they're wasting time rather than trying to work things out.

If they do it because they're angry but need time to think of a way to express themselves and word themselves in a way that doesn't make the situation worse, then that's just being practical.

1truekhaleesi · Answer

I think during arguments, I'll go silent when I'm really angry. Chances are, I need time to think. Also if I think I can't deal with something at the moment or else I fear that I'll say something that I regret, then I'll go silent. But if you ask me what's wrong, I'll just say it. I'm pretty darn blunt.

GoodManDave · Answer

Yes - it’s immature, if it’s done to manipulate. Now sometimes it’s just being quiet. Or angry at someone or something else.

Personally, I got the silent treatment a lot, then a tirade...

The silent treatment didn’t really work on me. Sometimes the silent treatment was the only time I could get some peace.

ImagineSketchy · Answer

It isn't immature exactly. Everyone has their own way of resolving conflicts, and sometimes, simply not saying anything can be a really easy way to deal with the issues. I tend to give the silent treatment to people I really don't want to communicate with.

nirvana99 · Answer

when both of you are silent over a dispute, it gives you time to think it through as to what went wrong or how else it could have been handled peacefully. over time the anger should phase out and calm you down too and you get to make a better approach after settling it down with yourself.
on the other hand, when you're insecure enough that you had to pull this to just mess with him/her for nothing, to ensure you exist in his/her life by wasting time like that, you're not adult enough to be in an adult relationship.

Lish89 · Answer

Silent treatment can happen two ways. One is when your just angry and not ready to speak to a person yet. This can be helpful in making sure that you've cooled off before revisiting the argument. But deliberately doing it as a form of punishment is actually now considered a form of emotional abuse. It's immature but also disrespectful and rude.

Answermyquestions31 · Answer

I have a guy right now that doesn’t talk to me everyday like what I’m used to. He likes his space. He won’t talk to me for a week. He won’t talk to me for days. I ended up blocking him on snap and on my phone. He messaged me from a new number.

I don't know I’m just not down with it. I think it’s rude.
So pull a power move like me and ignore them right back.

CHILDISH!

Spawnface · Answer

I think it would be great having a mutually agreed upon code of insults that you could use instead. I think it would be great having your girl call you a moron while you call her something in return. I don't know how stable that would be but it would be great. Just sonething to release the steam.

bklynbadboy1 · Answer

I think it's definitely immature if you have something you want to say sit down like an adult and say it address the issue and work it out sometimes when people upset you they don't even mean to so sit down and talk it out you might actually like the end result

wingattebaby16 · Answer

It is immature and says you cannot solve your problems by talking patiently, calmly, and honestly

You do it to punish the other person

The next step if it is not already being done, is withholding sex and affection as a weapon and punishment!

ArrowheadSW · Answer

Not only is it immature but it is an awful thing to do to someone. All it does is make them feel bad. It doesn't help the situation at all. Nothing worse than trying to talk to someone and they are deliberately shutting you out and ignoring you. That is different than sometimes people just want to not talk to calm down or be too themselves.

Anon-ymous1 · Answer

Yes, usually. Depends on the reason and how long the party holds it, but it is immature if the other one is actually trying to engage the one being silent. Like if they purposely refuse to talk, then yes it's immature. If neither of them have much to say, then it's fine, since it's more mutual. Just depends.

StephenCF · Answer

It’s absolute agony. I fell victim to it by a girl I longed for in my early teens. She knew I liked her, gave me the silent treatment eventually as a sign of disinterest, without simply rejecting me verbally and amicably to at least help me keep my self-esteem & move on. But no, I had to lose it more and more & at such a delicate time of my life 😭

Grond21 · Answer

Yes, very. It is a higher form of pouting. In essence, the silent treatment is stating to the other person that you are in the right, you are not willing to listen or engage with the other person until they admit how right you are. It's arrogant, prideful, and selfish. And like other said, it only creates more problems.

ManOnFire · Answer

I have given it before, yes. But I wouldn't exactly say it's always by design but rather at times I'm so disgusted with somebody that I just don't want to say anything to them.

Anonymous · Answer

Yes. Hella immature. Its unnecessary wasted time. Tell them how your feeling and be done with it. With the silent treatment you have both parties feeling mad or bad and one trying to rack their brain on what they did wrong to get the silent treatment. Life is to short for that shit. Speak up get shit resolved.

Anonymous · Answer

No. I think the reason you think it's immature, is that it's particularly harsh and devastating for women, who rely so much on communication.

What you need to understand is that most men do not understand its severity for women, because for them, the silent treatment would be (a) unnoticed (b) probably a good thing, or (c) enjoyable.

Bianca914 · Answer

Yes I think sometimes it's better to keep your mouth shut to avoid a fight or saying things you will later regret. The silent treatment is ignoring someone, I wouldn't call it that. The mature way would be "I'm upset right now and I'm not ready to talk about it, I need some time to think things over, talk to you later."

Anonymous · Answer

Silent treatment as a punishment is immature. Some alternatives could be simply saying something such as

"I'm too angry to talk with you right now, when I've calmed down I will let you know"
Or
"I need some time to think on my own about X topic and we can continue this conversation when I've sorted my thoughts."

DaMack999 · Answer

Depends how you use it. For me I use it to go for stroll to the park. Relax my mind think clearly. Let my S. O think as well. Then sit like adults and go back to talk about why we fell in love. How we love each other and silencing ourselves will only hurt our relationship not help it.

AlexBlack007 · Answer

Well usually when I'm pissed I shut everyone out. When I'm angry I can be very harsh so I go quiet to avoid badly hurting someone emotionally. I don't consider it silent treatment, I consider it anger management for me.

designer1 · Answer

Depends. If he acting stupid and I don’t wanna talk, I’m not gonna talk. If I do it just bc I don’t like something he did, ok... that’s kinda petty. Doesn’t mean I don’t do it tho. We all have our immature moments lol

Anonymous · Answer

I've never seen it actually work. Silent treatment to me equals the relationship is over. So while she's giving me the silent treatment I'm out to dinner with some other girl. Don't know why the first girl is so surprised I'm with another woman once she's decided to end the silent treatment and realize what I was doing the whole time she thought she was punishing me.

George4love · Answer

Life is not a game treat it with love not with silent treatment and it's not fair and its uncomfortable like we breath in a tight environment stop emotional blackmail and treat everyone like a human...

SpearsAndStones · Answer

It's emotionally abusive. It's akin to slamming the door in someone's face, except it lasts DAYS and the person doing it doesn't have to feel that guilty.

SelfishGuy · Answer

It's probably most mature treatment, any other reaction provokes conflict...

AaronKrieger · Answer

Yes, and it just makes you look like you don't know how to handle with conflict and uncomfortable situations.

Vixysparx · Answer

Yes obviously.  Quiet moments are a given, there are times when I don’t want to talk to someone, but that’s very different to silent treatment which is just childish

MermaidMotel · Answer

Not really. If you don't wish to speak with someone for whatever reason, you're not obligated to. Sort of goes with the whole "You have the right to remain silent" concept..

Kiran04 · Answer

It's mega-immature. The "silent treatment" is children speak for "I don't know how to deal with my feelings". It's tolerable in high school because developing brains haven't matured yet, but for adults it's downright insufferable.

LuvAsh · Answer

I think so. I'm big on wanting to talk things out. My 1st ex did that all the time and put me on "punishment" and didn't talk to me for days. But he said he couldn't handle not talking to me for a week

Lance1965 · Answer

Most of the time it is but there are times when the best thing to say is nothing at all. A lot of fights can be diffused by simply shutting up but this only works occasionally.

Soft4u · Answer

I don't think it is, sometime it's the only think that can be done in order to avoid arguing.

KittyWoods · Answer

Yes. It’s one of the worst forms of guilting someone into doing what you want. It’s a form of psychological torture through emotional blackmail.

AshA94 · Answer

Not at all. Giving someone the silent treatment says way more than if you were to actually say something. Not to mention is a way of saying your not going to stand for what they have done.

Factshurt90 · Answer

Very. Talk about the issue. It’s okay to step away until you are calm, but eventually not talking is just childish.

anuragk033 · Answer

No hell no please... I'll talk to my jaan even if I'm upset angry or sas because i just can't live without her❤

SongBird3 · Answer

Some people need space. Its only really immature of its for a bs reason. Like if I couldn’t message you back, and you ignore me out of spite

Midnight_Kiss · Answer

I go silent if I angry but that's just to stop an argument, once I've had time to sulk I'm usually fine but I absolutely refuse to give silent treatment the whole concept is petty.

TacosRAwesome · Answer

Depends on the intent... It is immature if one person is not talking to the other so they get something out of it. But It can be mature if the person is simply not talking till they process their thoughts and can express themselves better.

jessture · Answer

Yes. It's one thing to say that they need some space and time to process something. It's an entirely different, and juvenile, thing to just go silent and act like a toddler who didn't get their chocolate milk

SuzyB · Answer

Yes it is and it’s emotionally abusive to the other person.

sawno · Answer

Yup, if she does this ill highly consider leaving while she does it. Its emotional manipulation and unwillingness to talk things out.

lightbulb27 · Answer

yes. maybe. people sometimes need space, I think that is ok. Playing it like a game of pursuit/punishment I think is not.

Is the silent treatment immature?

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