Is giving a silent treatment ever justified?

[Anonymous]

I got drunk and texted my boyfriend some stupid stuff because I was mad at him. But I realized what I did the next morning and apologized, I really felt like crap. He read the message but didn't reply. Then later I called him but he didn't pick up. He is giving me the silent treatment and it's been 3 days now.
I know what I did was wrong, but I tried to fix it right away. And his silent treatment as response makes me question if I even want to be with him anymore. This was our first fight and I keep wondering if this is what he will do every time there is some conflict. It is considered an emotional abuse... I don't know if he is done with me and ghosting me or just needs space.

Updates

+1 y

He knew I was going out with friends, we were texting that day. I told him I will be drinking and that I might send him some inappropriate stuff, to which he said "uhh inappropriate photos, yes please". He is going through a rough time dealing with death of family member and I tried to be as supportive as possible to him (also figured maybe he needs some loving now too, not just sex). He was sulking all alone all day paining his apartment, and a drunk me though... (to be contiuned)

Updates

+1 y

That it would be a good idea to show up at his place just to give a hug, kiss him and check up on him if he's doing okay. So I got there and texted him to come down for minute, and all he said was "can't, need shower and then sleep". And then he really fell asleep because he didn't see the text until morning. It was late at night, dangerous street, me all alone drunk, and I couldn't even find cab. That hurt like hell, I felt rejected as if I'm some sort of rat.

[OlderAndWiser]

"He is going through a rough time dealing with death of family member" so you went out with your friends instead of him. Then you showed up unannounced at his place, drunk, and not in a great neighborhood. . . a situation that you created entirely on your own.

You got pissed off because he didn't immediately drop everything he was doing and come to your rescue. You made it all about you and he is wondering if you will be this selfish every time he needs a supportive partner.

He is pissed and doesn't know what to say to you so he has withdrawn from the relationship for a few days so that he won't get into an argument and say things that he doesn't mean. And you are calling it "emotional abuse" because you are focusing solely on your own feelings.

I thought that perhaps you might like to see the other side of this situation.

[Hairylegs222]

So I saw your responses in here that you said it's friends with benefits, and you texted him "I never want to see you again, goodbye".

1st of all it's not a relationship. He isn't your boyfriend. So if he doesn't talk to you for a few days who cares. There's no priority here. Just friends it's texting each other whenever.

2nd your text to him sounds like you hate his guts and made it clear that you're done with him. The guys reaction is completely normal and what most people would do lol.

3rd it sounds like you have a thing for him even though it's "friends with benefits". Most people I've known that do those sex as friends non relationship thing treat each other like they're not in a relationship because they make it clear to each other that's all they want to begin with.

4th if you really want him back, then I recommend sending a huge apology text after a few days. That would show you care and he might text you back.

[annyasansiri]

first of all, i was exactly like you.
second, and im sorry to say this but you did him wrong.
You are a bit self centered, if you ask me.
Have you ever thought that he might feel sad too, that he might need your presence and support since you said that he's going through a rough time, death of a family member?
But instead of choosing to stay by his side on that day, you choose to go out and drink.
Its the definition of being unsupportive of your partner and also unsympathetic to your boyfriend.
he has the right to be anything for at least 1 day. angry, furious, not making any sense... and you should support him if you care for him. its not too late. tell him you're sorry for being insensitive and actually show it too. be there for him. stop partying for 1 week and be there for your boyfriend.

[Espresso-Grande]

The silent treatment can be a sign of emotional abuse, but not always.

Some people may ignore a partner when they feel hurt, upset or angry. It's their way of cooling down or dealing with the situation. Rather than react and respond in the heat of the moment when they're upset and angry, they go silent. Some people walk away from something that hurts, angers or upsets them. It's not always to control their partner or the situation. They may use the silent treatment to control themselves, because they know they'll do or say something they may regret if they respond to the situation there and then

[pjf1958]

Sometimes, even the most well grounded relationships will encounter a situation, ( which could either be indirectly, such as using politically correct labels, when describing overweight people as obese, instead of the more harmonious "B"body "W"eight "I"index challenged. A more serious situation occurs when it directly affects a couple such as politics). This is an iconic example of how important it is to always stay connected to your significant other. If you value your relationship, then you must understand how insignificant any issue may be, can only be rectified through communication. By giving someone the silent treatment, you send that person a message indicating that only by accepting your demands, can we resolve this crises. More significantly, by cutting that individual off, they can easily assume that their point of view is meaningless and, will only be recognized as a mistake. Not to be mentioned again. Now that individual feels ostracized, castoff. That's when time is running out on that relationship.

[sage2021]

I believe that the silent treatment is given when their significant other knowingly does something that hurts the other person but repeatedly keeps doing it, and repeatedly hurts the other person. Then she/he may need some time to themselves to sort things out. A person cannot keep hurting someone and not expect that person to act like everything is fine when it isn't. You may interpret them as giving you the silent, which you wholly deserve at times, and other times they need time for themselves to lick their wounds. If the person knowingly hurts the other person, then ask yourself if you deserve the silent treatment according to your view of it.

[Keyboardkat]

Back in the '70s, there was supposed to be a thing in politics called, "The Silent Majority." This was supposed to be the majority of hardworking regular Americans who didn't go around screaming and demonstrating because they had families to support, children to educate, bills to pay, etc.
Back then I saw a bumper sticker that said, "Silence says nothing!" That's really correct!
One of my ex-girlfriends used to get very quiet and not speak to me for a while if she was mad at me. My wife, when we were first married, did the same thing, although she no longer does.
If you're in a relationship, and there's a problem because you feel wronged, giving the other person the silent treatment says nothing. And it helps nothing, because he or she may be wondering what they did wrong. If you won't talk, it just festers, and it could end up causing the relationship to end. I'm not a mindreader. If something I've said or done is bothering you, grow up and don't play games. Talk it over with me. Maybe I'm wrong, and I will admit it if you present it in a normal and civil way. If I feel I'm not wrong, I will point out to you why. THIS is the mature way to solve problems.

[humpbackjack]

You’re a little old to be back pedaling so hard that’s more for teenagers but with that being said I’ve done a lot of immature and stupid things and am likely to continue. Just give him a couple of days of piece no texts or anything then send a simple text saying your sorry and you’d like a do over. If he doesn’t respond then cut bait it wasn’t meant to be.

[humpbackjack]

I didn’t see where you said you told him you never wanted to talk to him again. Saying something like that and then back pedaling so quick and so hard is definitely a red flag. I believe he’s dipping out or at least giving the relationship serious thought. This is probably something you need to seriously work on do some honest self reflection and you’ll find all your answers

[humpbackjack]

Thank you for explaining your side of it a little more. I someone I cared about showed up to my pad drunk in the middle of the night in a rough neighborhood it wouldn’t matter who passed away I would make sure they were safe regardless how insensitive it was for them to come over like that so is it possible the relationship wasn’t all that you thought it was? Regardless the damage is done you should move on. Or at the very least give him space right now and let him contact you if he wants to and both of you look at your own actions from that night from your perspective and your SO’s. Honestly you were out of bounds by not giving him the space he needed but if some chic I was interested in wouldn’t answer for me under those circumstances even if the next day I saw the wrong I did. It would be a wrap

[Anonymous]

Sometimes it’s justified like when you need some space to cool off for a bit. But 3 days is a red flag. I saw on your comment that you texted “I never wanna see you again good bye”, that must’ve hurt him and he took it as it is as in that you don’t wanna see him again so he’s not gonna see you again

[Coulis]

If it's short only to get the person's attention and then to explain clearly why it is you don't wish to speak to them then fine. But if it's just silence without explaining why you're silent to harm and destabilize the person's psyche then no that's whack.

[hahahmm]

If I’m thinking about what to say/do then I’m silent. It’s not a punishment but the time it takes me to decide. Some people are silent to punish you but that’s not always the reason.

[TrueConfection]

Sometimes I'm so upset that I have nothing to say. I need time to sort out my feelings and forgive.

Have you asked him any questions that he can respond to with an answer or have you just sent him a barrage of statements?

[artsygirl457]

giving someone the silent treatment is juvenile, there should be communication going on even if he is mad, these guys are worse then girls these days --oh im not talking to you, you know why? WTF?

[v666_]

He sounds a little immature, not to be judgmental, but I see the silent treatment as childish. Communication is key and adults should know how to use their words.

[Birdlegs]

It depends on what you said. If you called him a bitch and said you’re gonna go fuck someone else cuz he sucks then well I’d be pissed too.

[Asker]

No, I just said "I never want to see you again, goodbye".

[Birdlegs]

That’s a pretty heavy one ngl😂 people say drunk words are sober thoughts and that sounds like a break up to me

[Asker]

Actually we just friends with benefits. Does that change anything?

[MTC29]

friends with benefits or not, that would end it for me. Forever.

[Birdlegs]

I agree but if y’all just friends with benefits then why would you even care

[aqua0101]

He's trying to punish you , through the silent treatment. He thinks if he did doesn't talk to you , that you will change.
He needs to work on better communication.

[EssenceOfLight]

Maybe it's not unusual silent treatment that is punishment and manipulation, but you said him something unforgivable from his perspective. This guy got an aversion for you and won't to talk with you for a while, sometimes forever.

[Petermorgan34]

It is justified in certain circumstances. Depending on what you said It may be one of those circumstances

[FamilyGuy2020]

No it is not my love, You Individually just don't see me as the person you love being a soldier. A member of an for Always 7th Calvary Scout. Even though I resigned I came back home. I had many problems so please forgive me

[pleasestopthis]

Maybe he's just too angry and waiting to cool off. I need time when I'm angry too or I can snap badly.

[iammaria]

Maybe he is sad or angry about what you said and is scared that you would do that again maybe. its emotional abuse if he is forever ignoring you or harrasses you

[ItsMeItsMe1989]

so you created drama not only when you were drunk, but also when you're not

You need some serious help hun, therapist wise

[Browneye57]

Wow... a match made in heaven. And a drunkard to boot. Whoopieeeeee!!!

[Pj1981]

I think so. If I'm so pissed I'm going to yell or be quiet it's best to not talk till I cool down.

[cloud9vortex1234]

It's hard telling if it's justified. We don't know what you said. But yeah, I think the Silent Treatment can be justified. Maybe you shouldn't drink?