Is the silent treatment really a dumpable offense?

[Anonymous]

Had a big fight with my boyfriend recently and I still maintain I was in the right and he refused to give in so I gave him the silent treatment. Later on after we calmed down and talked it out he said to me that if I give him the silent treatment like that again, we are over, but I don't think that's a real reason to break up with someone.

[Cynicaldreamer]

Actually, yes it is.

The main aspect of a relationship is communication. If you are refusing to state why you're having issues or what is wrong, then how can you fix said relationship? Shutting out someone or giving them the silent treatment is like saying you don't care- not to mention it's very immature. If you're an adult, which I'm assuming you are, you should be able to talk about what's bothering you!

I get taking some time away from each other to calm down; that's fine. But let him KNOW that; don't just shut down, and leave him wondering what's wrong. It's not that hard to say, "Okay, I'm not in the mood to talk right now. When I'm ready to discuss this, we can talk."

[razelove]

Yeah, especially for the reasoning you give. I'm right or you lose the privilege of talking to me. That is immature, demeaning, and simply incredible. The last thing you want is for someone to realize they don't want or need you in their life. It's why you treat them well, make them happy, and maybe it's a thought that never crosses their mind.
Then if you do have a fight with them that crosses your bottom line, and you do think about leaving, it scares them shitless, and childish games aren't something you need to do in the first place. Think irreplaceable, you can play chicken with your relationship if you have firmly embodied that role in your partners life, like they don't know how to get by in a day to day type way anymore.
That is a real reason to break up with someone, trying to manipulate them to do your bidding is, "having to be right" is a reason to break up with someone, man oh man, you're batting 1000.

[Leapfrog00]

Arguments are sometimes good for relationships. It shows communication. The problem with the silent treatment is it's disrespectful. It's better to express how you are feeling in words. By not expressing how you feel and staying silent, and your boyfriend knowing that you're upset, you are getting a point across, but the only point is you're upset.

When getting into arguments, if it gets too heated, it's best to leave the room, cool off, and come back. If he follows, tell him you need space.

I've seen a lot of people lose relationships and friendships over some pretty small thing too, like politics, religion, and family interfering. Nothing is worth losing someone over. Next time there's an argument, tell him you are upset, and tell him how you feel and why you feel that way. It will make you feel so much better and hopefully, he will respect you more for that.

[Emelina]

Tell him we'll don't let me use it again then, and we'll be good to go; seriously dont fight for silly things that it's not worth having a fit; only serious matter like he cheated on you, stole things from your relative, drug use, etc. then I could see the issues... but just bc he didn't put the toilet seat down, left grease print on the wall, didn't take his shoes off, then giving him the silent treatment isn't fair and rude. As a couple you both need to learn from each other, and communicate better in a positive manner way.

[Emelina]

Thanks for the MHG 🙂

[ohsheeT]

So basically you gave him the option of saying yes dear you're right or otherwise you weren't going to talk to him until he did say that when you do stuff like that all you're doing is holding yourselves back from growing together you put another roadblock in your relationship you don't have to act as if you're right like you're the smart one what you do is your knowledge each other and say hey when you do this crap it hurts me there is no right there is no wrong there is a teaching moment for each other on how to respect each other

[Danielle93]

Yes, if you don't play it safe anything is considered worth breaking up in a relationship. Afterall that's what relationships are for, they are a trial period and something temporarily. They can dump you at any time, any moment they don't like you for whatever reason. They can walk away easily.

Off course you like the initial excitement and infatuation period. Anyone loves the good things during the trial period. Then when that gets worn out and you don't like it anymore, bang you can discard it so easily.

[Angelo75]

Yes.
I don't tolerate it at all.
Ofcourse you can have the so-called "cool off period", where you've just had an argument and decided to break/disconnect communication for a couple of minutes (maybe max 2 hours) to sort your emotions out and cool down.
But after that I do expect to talk rationally with you and work out our issues.

Silent treatment is just a way of punishing your partner for doing or not doing something.
Since I'm not a child, dog or a pet... well... the "punishing/rewarding" treatment won't go very well with me.

The silent will end up becoming permanent.

[God_of_Thunder]

I think the silent treatment is incredibly immature, and that there are better ways to resolve a dispute.

One of the most important aspects of a relationship is communication. If a woman would rather "punish me" by giving me the silent treatment, instead of communicating like an adult, I would reconsider the future of our relationship as well.

[BCA6010]

"The silent treatment" makes you the bad guy, because it's an act of disrespect. That's the fundamental problem with it. Honestly, he'd be completely justified cutting you loose for it because it implies that you either don't respect him, or only do when you're in agreement. The goal after an argument should be reconciliation.

[DizzyDesii]

Im a talker so if we can’t communicate through our issues, then we dont need to be together. The silent treatment is immature af and i even called my mom out on it. So i’d surely call a significant other out and leave them if they continued to pull that shit

[OfMiceandMen]

To a certain extent. If it was something she used all the time as a pressure tactic just to prove she was right/get her way all the time, then it would get pretty tiring and be pretty immature from my standpoint. **I am not saying that is what you do, just saying if she used that tactic all the time.

That being said, if he can't admit when he is wrong, that's equally immature.

[provokeesmokee]

Anything is a dumpable offense.

If someone's done with the relationship, why force them to be with you?

Also, silent treatment is a childish and avoidant behaviour. It isn't mature or helpful, whereas communicating is.

You say he refused to give in. So did you.

Maybe there was a compromise. Maybe not. That's for you to figure out.

But refusing to communicate because you didn't get your way? I'd dump you, too.

[loveslongnails]

It's plenty good reason to end it. Giving someone the silent treatment is infantile and completely selfish. If you need to calm down, take a few hours and do so, but be an adult and come back to talk it out. I wouldn't want a "woman child" in my life who behaves that way, no matter what we might have fought about, no matter who was right or wrong. So even if you WERE ultimately in the right about the subject at hand, you were wrong to do what you did afterwards.

[Anonymous]

Fortunately for everyone else, you don’t get to decide whether someone else’s reason is sufficient and they will be allowed to break up. You insist that you were right about the subject of the argument and now you insist there is nothing wrong with you giving him the silent treatment. I really wouldn’t want to date someone who is right all the time and as perfect as you!

[Rapport]

Doesn't matter if you think it's a "real" reason or not because it is to him.

What are you gonna do, debate with him on that too, because at that point he's prolly definitely gonna break uo with you.

[Beatrix7]

the silent treatment is a horrible thing i hate it being done to me when me and my ex done it when we argued i always brokd it because it felt horrible

[crossdressingrihno]

Silent treatment is refusal to communicate and workout differences. It’s also incredibly disrespectful as well as childish.
All 3 of those are major merits as to why it’s worth breaking up over.

[CallmeTheKnight]

Yes it is. It proves you’re not fit to be in a relationship by your lack of maturity and lack of communication.


Imagine if he did the same with you

[e232bm]

I think it is a manipulation tactic unless they are truly done with you. But if they are they should tell you. The silent treatment is not something that is okay.

[Agape93]

It can be, yeah. The silent treatment is a childish form of emotional abuse and manipulation. I won't do it, and my partner has one warning to knock it off before we are done.

[slatyb]

It's a real reason. Maybe you grew up with that shit. You need to unlearn it. Loving people don't punish each other.

[boggboss]

Yes I think emotional manipulation is a decent reason to end things

[Quackthulu2]

Is it worth staying in a relationship with someone playing manipulative games?

[LazerBean]

Absolutely, he should have dped you the first time.

[Nikki1989]

Not really, but it can be very childish.

[admles]

Yes.

It's essentially a power play used by the person giving the silent treatment to try and gain control over the other person and "win".

It solves nothing, it's emotional manipulation, and a childish, juvenile tactic.

[Anonymous]

Usually it's the reverse. Silent treatment hurts women a lot and men neither care nor notice except possibly the background noise levels are lower and he's not being interrupted as often.

[Anonymous]

The silent treatment is a form of manipulation and abuse. Yeah I'd dump any woman who chose that path. It shows she's not emotionally mature enough to be dating. Plus I have a ZERO tolerance for abuse.

Were I in his shoes I'd just leave.

[Sasha0426]

Actually, it is. And I wouldn’t blame him if he did. Yes, take a breather and give yourself a chance to calm down. But NEVER do the silent treatment. That’s childish.

[MannMitAntworten]

I would curb a woman with that behavior as well. No one needs that ridiculous behavior from a significant other in their life.

[najekim]

IMHO, the "silent treatment" is a childish response that serves no purchase but to make things worse.

I've always ignored them and went on with my day.

[exitseven]

No. When you have arguments it is natural to get upset.

[Drumlin2001]

Sounds like you both need to mature a little. Maybe you're not ready for a serious relationship.

[Anonymous]

Here's the thing relationships have two sides. You can dump for any reason you see fit. Even silly reasons. Guess what!! He has that right to.

[Anonymous]

It's childish and disrespectful. I don't know if I would break up with someone about it. But if you're upset with me and you don't want to talk with me, you can tell me that and I can respect that. But to just pretend like I'm not there is just rude.

[LiamJHayden]

A "dumpable offense" is whatever either partner deems it is. No outside opinion matters.

[Anonymous]

Yes, it is. That was one of the reasons I dumped my ex. The silent treatment is passive aggressive manipulation, and I have zero tolerance for the type of women who play those kinds of games.

[TallAnon]

Anything is. If it makes your partner feel like shit, they don't have to put up with it.
Besides, it really does not show emotional maturity.

[hbg84]

How childish are you. That's some middle school level pettiness

[Blueeyes81]

It shows you are immature and that definitely a reason to dump someone.

[dudeinohio]

It's considered a mind game. Mind games certainly are dumpable offenses.

[krin_m]

It absolutely is, That means you do not want to communicate no matter how big or small the reason for the fight was.

[Redeye69]

I think that is fair. I had that done to me by a buddy over something stupid and hated it. I would leave you too if you did that.

[Aphrodite01]

It is. It shows your not willing to communicate. It’s kinda abusive.

[Anonymous]

there's no rules ir laws when dating you can break up for any reason at all but its your decision you have to live with

[In_Trance]

Absolutely it is

[EaterPeter]

Everything adds up

[EaterPeter]

Which straw is the last straw in the hat?