Can a friends with benefits situation turn into a loving romantic relationship? Have you had it happen?

[Anonymous]

A guy wants to be friends with benefits with me but I’m afraid that it’ll turn into a one sided love. I’m not going into it hopeful nor with expectations but it’s hard for me not to be afraid of getting hurt and it become really messy.

[Screenwriter]

I believe it's wise to be cautious with FWBs. There are many instances of it turning into one-sided affection.

You might want to sit down with the person and write rules, and talk them through.

I've known people who have this kind of relationship and keep it casual and sex-only. I think you have to be a certain kind of person who is NOT LOOKING FOR A LOVE RELATIONSHIP PERIOD. And you are someone who is comfortable with compartmentalization.

If you aren't, then a friends with benefits relationship is not for you. Trying to find love through sex is a dicey situation and unlikely. But being naive and thinking someone else couldn't be doing that that is careless.

Talk it out thoroughly and if it's going in a manner that was not agreed upon, be ready to end it.

[TenderFantasy]

It can happen but it's risky. I mean you're going into it with only a sexual tie (which is a very strong one don't get me wrong), but you usually have to have MORE than just sex to make a relationship work unfortunately. You (or him) could definitely get attatched and would have a hard time if one of you develops feelings and the other doesn't or found someone they actually wanted to date and it wasn't their sex partner.

But then again, like I said, it depends on the two people involved as usual. There's usually NO rules when it comes to dating and relating.

[red324]

I don't know everytime I try the only sex thing they really wanted to date.

[mobiusforniner]

Im curious, how does one just decide to be friends with benefits? You say youve been dating. Maybe im old school but i thlught dating meant finding a partner.

Does he simply tell you "hey you're hot and i wanna fuck you, but nothing more"?

Strictly from a mans perspective, its like having a pocket prostitute, except for free...

[Asker]

We did date back in July but then he ghosted me. We got back in touch just recently and he told me that he ghosted me because he was working on himself however he isn’t ready to be in a commitment right now. So essentially yes he wants the benefits without commitment. We talked about it more and I asked well would you ever in the future be open to the emotions if they arise or would you shut them down completely. He said he’d be open to them. This is where it’s kinda confusing but I understand him better now, he wants to date with sex involved but doesn’t want to commit to anything at the moment but he is willing to change that in the future. He said it’s because he needs time to get his sh! t together and well I said so do I. We both aren’t financially stable he has bills from an accident he had and I’m currently unemployed. His idea of dating is that the guy spends money on the girl for dates and whatnot. I’m not really that type of girl, I’ll go Dutch with him if we have to. He feels that he cannot do that right now so he is asking to date but not actually go out and spend money like a typical date would involve. It’s complicated but after talking to him more, I understand what he means and where he is coming from.

[Asker]

He just doesn’t want to label things as it’s not a relationship but it’s not a typical friends with benefits arrangement either. I can see why he doesn’t want to label it because there really isn’t a label to it, perhaps a situationship? But again, no labels.

[mobiusforniner]

He is immature. He does not love you. Let me say it again so it sinks in... he... does... not... love... you.

I dont care what commitment issues he has. Fact is, he wants the freedom to get his pole greased while he finds someone he actually loves.

Again, its like having a pocket prostitute. The question I have for you, is that what you want?

[FilmGuy93]

It’s possible with time, but you shouldn’t hold your breath waiting for it.

[blueonblack22]

Well if you can’t separate emotion and attachment from the friends with benefits then don’t do it.

My guess is you really like this guy and are willing to do this arrangement hoping he might fall in love with you and go steady.

While that’s not impossible it’s not likely given his initial approach to this. It’s very risky.

You can tell him that you like him but if it’s going to get sexual you want it to be exclusive. Given he was honest about his feelings earlier I don’t think he will lie if he agrees. But be ready for him to say he’s not ready for that.

[petitedollbabee]

3 of my relationships have started that way, but neither of us had romantic feelings for each other, it was strictly physical until eventually feelings developed. If you’ve already got feelings for him this early then it’ll likely turn messy. Friends with benefit’s situations don’t always turn romantic, and you’ve got to prepare yourself for that to happen.

[Curmudgeon]

To answer your question: It *can" but (1) it is not likely and (2) when it does happen it happens on the part of the woman far more often. In other words, it very well could turn into a one-sided love on your part. In fact, it probably already is.

[JPresidente]

It almost always ends up with someone catching feelings. In my view sex is a very passionate thing when you’re intimate and kissing so only a small percentage of the planet can cut themselves off from feeling something for the person they’re being intimate with.

[Ghostykill3r]

It can, but you shouldn't go into it thinking that it will/might. If you're getting into a friends with benefits situation you should plan and expect for it to just be friends who get physical occasionally.

[BJP21]

Cut off the benefits. FWBs can get you both hurt and will wreck the friendship you both built. In reality it has the potential to turn into a very romantic relationship but you need to put the long term relationship opportunity on the table. If he doesn't want that, cut him off before anything happens romantically.

[Luopio27]

That just makes you human. You desire sex but are afraid of it ending with broken heart and a regret. When I was a kid, like 11 or so, I thought when we are adults, sex is like shaking hands. I thought we could all fuck each others wifes like it was nothing. After puberty, in my later teen yesrs I grew the sense of sexual maturity.


Anyway, safest way to go would be straigjt for a relationship with someone you like more than as a fling.

[Anonymous]

Yes, and that's the danger. The friends with benefits relationships have an expiration date. While they last, they are the best of the best relationships. But all good things come to an end.

You have to know that going in. One of you are going to fuck up the rules and catch feelings.

[Anonymous]

Probably not. The parameters are set from the beginning. Yes, many times, most the time in fact one person gets too connected to the other person and forgets the "aarangement". But seldom do both.

Tread at your own risk here. It's just not a good idea if you ask me.

[dustybiker]

Sounds more like he wants to use you and be free of the commitments of a relationship. Doesn’t sound like you are on board.

[Anemone978]

If women would stop having friends with benefits and sleeping with guys for nothing more of us would get guys to commit instead of having hope for something stupid like this...

[Jooying]

It could be. One of my ex boyfriend started it with friends with benefits for months. Then we upgraded our relationship to boyfriend and girlfriend. But that’s the only one, out of many many fwb…

[Haha456]

if you know you get attached after sex, do not do friends with benefits. Not all girls can do friends with benefits. I certainly done it. But a lot of girls can't.

[spartan55]

Then why would you even consider entering into an friends with benefits? He won't change his mind, no matter how many times you fuck him.

[Adaeva]

It is unwise. Therefore, I would never do it, not even when I'm a few years older because I'm not a slut and I never will be.

[wysiwyg2525]

It never works unless your om with sharing, being in a open relationship or your open to swinging. Other then that it won't work out at all.

[exitseven]

I can't imagine how it could not end up that way.

[KrakenAttackin]

Ha! No. A fuck buddy is just for dumping a load. No man respects a woman who will just let him fuck her whenever.

[TheFlak38]

At the end of the day a whore is a whore and it won't work out well for the man.

[es20490446e]

Your fear is justified.

[sirderpsalot123]

You will most likely end up hurt and disappointed.

[Akam93]

It can. But I've never had that happen to me.

[serious_miss419]

No. Simple. If u are already questioning it..

[katestar]

i'll make it happen

[Sabretooth]

You'll be disappointed.

[TenderFantasy]

Exactly. If she has any self respect for herself, she will not agree to such a cheap arrangement.

Plus, she's a female. She'll get the worries of maybe becoming pregnant (and the guy wanting nothing to do with the kid or forcing her to have an abortion), or acquiring an std/sti, or even seeing him being intimate with somebody else.

[Asker]

TenderFantasy, if I didn’t have any self respect I wouldn’t be asking this question and I would jump right in. It’s obvious I do have hesitations. Him and I have been intimate together twice before but back then we were dating each other. Not boyfriend and girlfriend but just dating. I know it’s not full proof but an IUD, which I have had for many years now, has a very high 99% successful rate of not getting pregnant with it. It has worked with several relationships I’ve been in and I am certain it will still work with this guy. I have a son, he has a daughter and I am 100% anti-abortion so no matter how much he pleaded with me for an abortion it would never happen if pregnancy were to ever occur. This isn’t my first rodeo, I know what to expect and with all due respect you don’t know the full story and it’ll be too long to write in that detail box and here. I mainly wanted to know if others have had a successful relationship starting out as friends with benefits then I followed it with the situation I currently am in.

[TenderFantasy]

I see. Well in my case, I was also faced with this kind of arraignment a long time ago, and that time I said no because first of all, he had a reputation for being a dick/asshole when we were in school. I bumped into him several years later and that is how the topic came about. I was a virgin at the time and had no children (unlike you), but that's beside the point. Like I said in my answer, it's up to you ultimately. However, me personally, I wouldn't do it, but you mentioned that your situation was different. If you can HANDLE not getting attatched (and like you said, you've done it before), then feel free. 🙂 However, to me, I didn't feel like it was the right thing.

[Asker]

TenderFantasy, I appreciate your opinion. Thank you 😊

[Anonymous]

Romantic? Yes, not long term.

[Anonymous]

I think it can I have never had that though

[jimmy2]

Sure it can