I’m honestly too jealous to share. And i feel trapped being shared. So i feel monogamy or even simply remaining single is best for me.
There was a time where love triangles were my thing. I think it started in childhood. I didn’t get along well with girls and always had two good guy friends. I probably was in about 1 in preschool, 3 in elementary, 2 in high school, 4 in college, and I lost count after that. I often felt overwhelmed and guilty for having options.
I didn’t intentionally get into love triangles, but I didn't stop them either. After college, to ease the guilt, I would tell both dudes about each other up front... not in hopes they’d compete but in hopes they’d be patient with my decision (if they chose to stick around).
I liked how they balanced me out and one dude would match me emotionally while the other shared my sexual interests. But I wouldn’t be physical until having made a decision.
When I couldnt choose, I’d just drop both. When I could choose, I often felt obligated to choose whoever I knew the longest, despite him not being my true choice. Or when i felt like I loved one, I’d choose him despite the one who took things at a slower pace being the one who truly made me happy.
I dealt with this shit too many times and just never want to feel that way again. So i feel getting into something possibly worse like polygamy wouldn't work for me.
Anyways, I said I’d change my ways when 2020 hit and I definitely toned it down. The tempting thought still tries to creep up on occasion, but I’m just glad I don’t allow myself to have close male friends anymore. Nothing good will come of it if things don’t stay platonic
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