Should I be more grateful to a man whose more concerned with my needs vs my wants?

[Anonymous]

I thought I needed gift giving.

But what I actually want and need is my current boyfriend who is someone who communicates well, respectful, affectionate, loyal, understanding. He cares and loves me.

Why the heck do I think I need flowers and birthday presents every holiday and birthday?

[Well_Wisher]

Yes you surely should be grateful for having him in your life. Relationship is not about materialistic things which can be brought by money and means nothing from inside but its about emotions and feelings and intimacy. Such things can be felt irrespective of the gifts and money. Time can help you feel that and what other qualities you mentioned about your boyfriend like loyal, caring, kind and other qualities. These qualities are more necessary and these will be the only things that will count in the future of relationship. But its a two way thing as every other things are. You should also reciprocate it and give him those qualities back in some or other way. Because it happens that other person take their partners for granted and hence the partner has to take much more efforts because he remains the only person to put efforts in relationship and gets exhausted and relationship starts to fall apart. Then the other person complains that you dont show me those beautiful qualities now like you used to show in past. You are surely lucky enough to have him and I am sure he is more lukcy to have someone like you. Just dont take each other for granted because people like both of you are rare in this world. Like the one who is a nice person and their partner who thinks they are grateful to have them.

[Guy13]

Gotcha but those things you do not need should not be voiced. You are taking away acts of service suggesting it is not important to you.

I learned earlier that dancing eyes from flowers is worth every dime and effort. You would have taken that away from me because nature is not to do what is not important.

[CubsterShura]

Affection is an emotional need. Validation is an emotional need. Reassurance is an emotional need. Gift-giving is a way of expressing how much your partner means to you. So no, these are not unnecessary or useless. Your boyfriend is grooming you to settle for less so that his cheap ass can get away with not treating you well.

[Asker]

He doesn't understand why I like flowers. It's called effort.
He gets me gifts late or none at all. I try to go sneak off and hang with others but give him the benefit of the doubt every fucking time like he will change... nope

[Asker]

Last night he paid for this and that. But he had nothing planned he just tagged along and paid.

[CubsterShura]

I understand tagging along and not being too involved, but if he is consistently treating your desire for flowers and other gifts as useless then you should find yourself someone who knows better than that.

[Anonymous]

Hallmark

It's not about the gift. It's knowing he remembered and thought of you. Saying "Happy Valentines Day" should mean just as much as flowers/chocolate.

[Asker]

But it doesn't.. not to me

[Opinion Owner]

Are the flowers and candy for show? So others can see how loved you are?

[Asker]

Itll mostly make me feel nice. Because I never got it growing up. And I deserve I should recieve it by someone who claims to love me so much

[Opinion Owner]

I'm not touching "deserve it."

If you don't receive flowers and candy will you question his love?

[Asker]

I know he loves me but does he like me? Does he put effort in? Nope..

[Opinion Owner]

Do you hear yourself?

"If he really loved me, he'd buy me stuff to prove it."

"I deserve to feel special."

[Asker]

I know
Why does every girl get spoiled and I dont and never could? It's all my parents fault. My dad spoiled me and my moms lack of care or not trying to fix didn't help squat. I'm in therapy for it

[Asker]

No matter how ok I try to seem I want what I want

[Opinion Owner]

Don't date. It's not fair to the other party. You're impossible to please. You know how awful you are yet do nothing about it.

[Asker]

Excuse me? 1. You dont know how awful I can be to people who talk to me rude unprovoked. I just told your dumb ass I'm in therapy for it. I just want to see peoples opinions if I'm acting too irrational. I've settled for a lot of things in this relationship. And I'm barely even getting the bare minimum. I spoil him. He got a ps5 for Christmas and I got nothing. Yes, I have very high expectations but it's only because I've gotten my time wasted a lot through the years. I dont even have to explain shit to you but I have sympathy for dumb mfs

[Asker]

You can leave me be now

[Asker]

My Christmas didn't come until January 3rd. He knows how important birthdays and holidays are to me

[Opinion Owner]

I'm literally telling you you're being totally irrational and you're lashing out.

Stay in therapy. You need a lot of it.

Good luck to your boyfriend. He's gonna need it.

[Asker]

You didn't tell me I'm being irrational you said these words... dont date. I'm too impossible when I'm not... and I know how awful of a person I am when I give my last to the people I love only expect little in return and can't get it. Choose better words next time. To me you're kicking me down when I'm already down. It's not a good feeling at all. I know what I deserve because your love language is affirmation on words which is totally fine but I may need both or just a man to show me with actions.

[Asker]

It's honestly not that hard to understand. I deserve the best. I deserve what'll make me happy at the end of the day and that what imma stick too.

[Asker]

What if you had a man who didn't give you what you wanted? Youd be pissed too.

[Asker]

Sex is terrible with him but I'm not basing my relationship on sex with him. Why give him my body when he wants and I can't even get effort on his end? Fucking ridiculous

[SexyRedd1966]

Probably because that's what society has shown you.. I could care less about gifts... I love attention... he sounds like a keeper

[driven159]

you have a present every day you have him

[Asker]

It doesn't feel like it. He makes all this money and I can't get $6 from a gas station

[driven159]

you need to have a long talk with him

[Asker]

How many do I need even? I've been complaining for years honestly. Now I'm pregnant and kind of just want to leave. No matter what I'm not happy. he's not putting effort into me... I don't know can you read this and give your comment?

[Asker]

Am I thinking irrationally? ↗

[driven159]

if you are that unhappy then you need to do what is good for you do have a paying job or a friend to stay with

[Dav1dTh0ma389]

Yeah