Realistically what would you do if a lead or higher up mocked you as a result of a question you had?

[Anonymous]

[PatriceONeal]

Ask why or what context made it worthy of mockery. If they have a logical answer, you've improved. Shame is not always a negative or bad thing with concrete bad consequences.

[SnowedIn]

Is this at work?

[Asker]

Yes...

[Asker]

My family member said dont go to HR I'll just be a cry baby. I need to toughen up. But if I get disrespectful back I may lose my job

[Asker]

So wtf can I do?

[Asker]

I'm pregnant and people ate triggering me on purpose

[SnowedIn]

Okay; I appreciate the context.

My first suggestion is to find a co-worker you trust and who can give you an objective, 3rd party witness to what transpires between the lead and you. This isn't gaslighting you, this isn't discounting your story -- my point is that sometimes leads intend to say one thing and it doesn't transmit the way they intended and also times when we interpret things not the way the lead intended. Good to have a 3rd party be able to say "this is what I hear".

I think going to HR is not a lost cause. I think it's not the first step. I think your first step is to start writing down what your lead says and when. And then after X number of times (my thought is 3) you go to that lead first, quietly, not publicly, and you present that on X, Y, and Z occasions this is what was said (don't use the word "you") and ask if the behavior can be adjusted. Make sure you note the response.

If that doesn't work, you keep noting the incidents. After X number more, you go see the lead's manager. Present the different incidents and the lead's response and demonstrate the impact on you and your work. Not the lead's manager's response.

If talking with the lead's manager doesn't work, after X more incidents, then you go to HR with your notes. You can say that you have documented what's been said and when, and that you properly utilized the chain of command.

It sounds like a long process, and it is, but it might be the only way you get relief from the lead.

[Asker]

Appreciate you friend. Thank you

[SnowedIn]

Best wishes with this. It's hard, I know. I've dealt with it.

Also, congratulations on the pregnancy!

[Asker]

Thank you!!!💙💙