How to deal with a narcissist ghosting?

[Anonymous]

Why would a narcissist ignore me for a month and reach out but then when I take time to respond he ignores me again?

[Exterminatore]

Needs to know your still on the hook so he can use you to fuel your ego when he needs you…and to get laid when other opportunities aren’t present.


Have nothing to do with a know narcissist. It’s all about them and they view you like an object. To a narcissist you are a tissue, toilet paper, a fork, a wrench, a lawn mower. You are just another item or tool to meet a need. The need in this case is justification to the narcissists ego. You are just an item to be used like a piece of toilet paper to then be discarded when no longer useful. They view people the same as objects. They have no empathy and no care for anyone but themselves. They worship themselves and as soon as you no longer sever the purpose of worship in their one man cult they are through with you.

[Gibbons44]

Plenty of reasons we usually fail to take into account.

Maybe that person is a closeted transgender. Maybe they got arrested (rightly or wrongly).

I don't know about rightly since I never did anything wrong, but the wrongly - I can tell you it changes relationships towards everyone. You start to undertsand why goof people start to ghost, and to see the world for the miserable pit of unfairness that it is (I got taken into what was meant to be 'protective custody' after someome I was giving a ride crashed my car from the passanger seat he was in.

[desidoll]

You don’t have to deal with them. You just need to cut them off from your life. They have no empathy which means they are not gonna change regardless. They occasionally come back to check on you not because they care, but to ensure that they still have you under control. Most of them date multiple people at once so they can always have another options if any of their victim left.

[Flower7]

Don’t try to date a narcissist. If you’ve already figured out that he is one, stay far far away.

[aaron210419]

Narcissists will make contact just to get a reaction and to know that they still have some sort of control over you. When dealing with narcissists the only way to move on is to block all contact with them, do not respond or believe anything they say. Most importantly, do not give in or entertain the thought that they have changed or that they are sorry. A true Narcissist has no empathy, if they apologize it is never genuine, and they cannot change.

[Asker]

So why would they reach out and then when you take time to respond, they ignored you?

[aaron210419]

I said why, it's to ensure they still have control of you and your emotions. Stay strong and resist the temptation to reply, block them if you can.

[mobiusforniner]

I realize a lot of the comments will encourage you to cease contact and, while wise, it doesn't really provide you solace in "why" someone behaves this way.

From my experience, people who do this, suffer from extreme insecurity, likely deeprooted in their upbringing or having experienced trauma or abuse.

[Exterminatore]

How do they manage to act so confident. Show me a truly deeply insecure person who acts confidently.

Yes, I know this is what the discipline of Psychology would say are the motives behind their behavior, but they are wrong on that part.

The real motive for their behavior is they are self worshipers. They see themselves as unique and in fact divinity. They demand worship (compliance to their god like edicts) from others, not out of insecurity but out of insolent pride and arrogance.

Some people worship Jesus, others Allah, others the Hindu gods, and yet others Buddha. Not the narcissist though. The narcissist worships him or herself. They are the highest authority in the universe in their minds, the stars and planets rotate around them, and the beginning and end of the law to themselves.

This is not due to insecurity but arrogance, pride and a seared conscience.

How they got like that is up for debate, but the current psychological model for how they got to be that way I think is completely flawed.

[AdithyaR]

I had a friend who's ex did this. He's pick a fight about literally nothing and then block her for a couple weeks and then come back as if nothing happened.
It's a manipulation tactic to keep the other person attached to them.
When they block you, do yourself and favor and block them back and don't respond to them.

[JSmuve]

Depends on the context. Maybe it was something you did and he needed space. Maybe you didn't respond in the way he wanted. Maybe you took too long to respond. Maybe he needed an ego boost. We don't know you, him, or your prior experiences together so none of us can comment on why he did something.

[Sacha_Chudoba]

If they aren't messaging you somewhat regularly, they aren't that interested. Time to move on.

[TheVigilantFox]

Why would you even bother with them?


Move on and forget they exist, they’re pathetic losers and also very toxic. Just leave.

[Adam1978]

You don't. It's a tactics for dating modern women. You will never get a good relationship out of anyone playing a game like that.

[FreyaRed]

"when I take time to respond"

you shouldn't respond

[sheikalana]

Cuz he's a narcissist LOL. Cut all contact and block him.

[LiamJHayden]

The best way it to ignore him as well. He is only reaching out to see if he can still pull your strings.

[Still-alive]

stay away from narcissists. they're wastes of oxygen

[driven159]

how to deal with it is to move on life is too short to waste time

[Stressyalaire]

You shouldn't, DON'T deal with it. Ignore them.

[Jamie05rhs]

Ghost him back.