What % of relationships do you think make it further than just boyfriend and girlfriend having fun?

[Anonymous]

We all know the usual stages: the asking out on a date, introduction, spending quality time, being boyfriend and girlfriend, infatuation, love and the mature stage where you form a family with them.

I'm aware there are childfree people by choice but that's not the majority. That's not the norm. I'm referring to the most common goal people want in the end, a family.

What % (from 0-100) make it to the final stage of forming a family, of sharing bills, having major responsibilities, a real future together? Give it a real %.

[ManOnFire]

I would say maybe 60% make it, but even when you break those down, a lot of those still don't really last either. People don't really understand what a relationship is anymore, and they don't prioritize matching values and principles much. People just go on a cutesy feeling of romance and butterflies and think obsessing about their lover and thinking about them everyday means they're in love.

Most people tend to be focused on matching based on what things they like and how they look at the world, but miss what it means to match on values, methods of raising kids, faith or atheism, etc. And then that's where they start running into problems later on, or end in divorce.

[Asker]

You're definitely on track. Like you stated on your first paragraph, too many people are just focusing on the initial infatuation period and obsessing abut their partner everyday. When that period ends and they find differences in beliefs, raising a child (one believes in spanking and other doesn't), one doesn't know how to manage bills, etc then all hell breaks loose there and it leads to break-ups.

[ManOnFire]

Yeah, Jillian Turecki said people have to learn to move past that cutesy little obsession stage because it does not at all indicate deeper love. She's got a lot of great stuff on her Instagram page.

[NewYorkCity]

Based on a country and culture, I live in United States, so percentage here is Very VERY low, I say only 10% or less. A HUGE majority of people that I know family members, friends, co-workers and even clients that I'm working with, either divorced, fatherless or motherless. In my own entire family, that goes back to 1940's, only my grandparents had a successful life long marriage, the rest have failed and Are failing. Hollywood, MTV and everything in between and sickening over-sexualization of modern generation has caused an irreversible damage, well maybe not irreversible, but definitely a long term damage.

[Asker]

yeah.. lots of people doing their worthless ''declarations of love'' and posting lots of pictures of them spending time with their partners, only for all that to end. If some marriage are a joke, then even moving in and living together (cohabitation) is a joke too. Seems like everything is a joke nowadays.

[Haha456]

Marriages do not last in the US because people here see marriage as a joy ride. They see marriage as the ultimate romantic experience rather than the reality of what it is. In other cultures, marriage is less seen as a joy ride but rather a necessity and companionship. This is why marriages lasts longer in other countries or cultures

[Asker]

If marriages don't last, neither do the ''live-in'' (cohabitation) relationships. Living together with a partner and obsessing about them every single day (the butterflies in the stomach thing) is a joke too. When that infatuation period ends, more relationship end in break-ups.

[Haha456]

There is a saying " you can just as fall easily in love as you can fall out of love". A marriage purely based off of passion and spark will struggle to last. Because once it begins to fade, you begin hating all their flaws.

[NewYorkCity]

You are 100% Correct, in a lament term, Marriage is a full time Job. If both husband and wife doesn't do what they are suppose to do and there are plenty of moments where both parties don't feel like doing something and yet they Have to, because that's what marriage is all about, their long life project ( raising successful kids) would fail even before kids would turn 10 and forget about them turning 30.

[Haha456]

@NewYorkCity

my parents are chinese and they see marriage as a partnership where both people take care of each other until the end of life. What you do not realize is that as you get older into your 50s-70s, life gets very lonely being alone. Especially when you have health problems, or you can no longer do housework or take care of yourself as well as you used to. You will become very miserable and helpless when you get old.

Being single when you're young is fine. It only gets bad when you're old

[NewYorkCity]

Your points are Solid and Valid, but there is also a point where sometimes it is not worth having children, because (and I speak on my behalf and my view point on life here only) this life is bad, it is unfair, it is dark and it is Really corrupt to the very core. What is a point of bringing an innocent, pure clean soul into this filthy worldly system? just so he/she can look out for me when I get old? or be part of and contribute to a merciless life machine? I say no to that. I'd rather die alone and depressed than dying and knowing that children that I have brought up into this realm would ALWAYS be at the mercy of bloody and soulless machine we call world governments and their insanely corrupt economical systems. But that's my personal take on life and children.

[jennifer_bloom]

In Chinese culture, over 50% I would say marry the first or second person they date. Chinese culture shuns premarital sex and it also shuns the party lifestyle so romance and marriage are joined at the hip for most Chinese couples.

[Asker]

yeah it's mainly in our Westernized culture and now in some South American countries too are just dating to date and having fun, staying in the infatuation period of the relationship for years without any goals nor purpose, just having a boyfriend and girlfriend by title only... but no serious goals.

[quaranta]

Chinese society works by arranged marriages by the way, not "combined" from the birth but usually the family "recommends" partners to each other and there is a lot of pressure to stay with that partner and hide problems inside the couple. Not an example I guess from a society that gained more options than this...

[pupluv45]

@quaranta

sweetie, chinese people have the most stable / longest marriages. this includes chinese americans who choose to date before they marry. Because chinese people tend to live the proper values in life. We aren't like white people who divorce just as easy as moving to another apartment. Being able to actually sustain a marriage is a good thing, not a bad one.

Your American mindset of constantly looking for something better or seeing marriage as something you're "stuck in " rather as a couple determined to make things work is why your country's divorce rate sits at 50%.

[pupluv45]

@quaranta

there is no point of getting married if your divorce rates are so high. You might as well ban marriage all together.

[quaranta]

@pupluv45 I don't know, what I said here is that arranged marriages shouldn't be put in comparison for a society that has gained many more options (the Western one). If you wonder what I'm considering bad (it looks like you are confused because you imply I mean that sustaining a marriage is bad thing), it is the pressure towards arranged marriages.

[pupluv45]

@quaranta

you don't realize this but there is no such thing as the perfect marriage. Those who have long lasting marriages are the ones who are willing to stay married in not only happy times but also unhappy times. When you divorce, you are tearing up a family. It hurts the children the most. If you think breaking up a family is a good thing that should be done whenever you feel like it, you're not marriage material.

people like you don't understand that marriage is a commitment, not something that you can just break off because you saw some dissatisfaction in it.

And now you're wondering why americans can't stay married.

[quaranta]

@pupluv45 "People like me", yeah teach being less superficial while looking at yourself in the mirror first. And anyway your reply is not even related to what I said, I repeat:"if you wonder what I'm considering bad, it is the pressure towards arranged marriages." Go being randomly unhinged elsewhere and start reasoning without all these layers of assumptions, holy crap. I'm completely put off to even start detangling any assumption you said (by the way this is not a way to win an argument). Bye

[Guy13]

A very low one but it only takes one sexual encounter or relationship, whether accident or not, to start Family.

[Asker]

Interesting and in the past, people would look for a relationship with the purpose of starting a family in 2-3 years, not staying as boyfriend and girlfriend having fun for 8+ years.

[Guy13]

Yeah, i agree and I miss those days and support arranged marriages now because of it. I have lots of friends from India. Old and young and I see that it works. Elder Wisdom associated with Family name and shame/guilt seems to keep people in line...

[KrakenAttackin]

That's because marriage has become lethal to men.

[AviatorTom]

From what I've read and heard. the average guy dates between 15 and 20 women before settling down. Taking the larger number, that would be 1 relationship in 20, or 5%.

[TruthBringer]

What? The average guy dates between 15 and 20? That's an incredibly unrealistic number. The average guy BARELY gets any women at all, let alone such a high number. Especially within the deregulated sexual market we are in today. You're conflating the top % guys who have their pick for women with the average Joe with little to no dating options.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5u13_Bdw5eY&t=363s

[TruthBringer]

correction link for the video:
https://youtu.be/5u13_Bdw5eY

[es20490446e]

In my group of friends only one couple married and had kids.

There are also two other couples that seem to stay. Yet they aren't really a family.

And I would say that my group has a quite positive tendency on relationships.

When I look outside it, it feels like the Far West.

[Gibbons44]

Fundamentally, that is a 'pregnancy and childbirth' question. I'd (very) gladly father to a girl I like, but it gets stigmatised so much, especially by Christians, that unless it is 'immaculate' - one gets obliged to feel frightened or guilty - as if the church is bent on exterminating whites and only helping Indians and Africans whilst forcing me to be LGBT or at a minimum - childless.

[Jamie05rhs]

See, that's where you're messing up. You're not supposed to start out just having fun. You're supposed to start out with serious discussions and develop a vision for the relationship. Without clearly defined goals, you are doomed to fail from the beginning.

Playtime comes after the hard work. And the hard work makes the fun more enjoyable.

[Razp_Sorbet]

Not the norm? 1 in 5 adult couples are child free. It is pretty normal. A "real future" also doesn't have to involve children nor is it the "final stage" jeez what archaic shit are you on?

[Asker]

That still doesn't mean that most people are childfree. There are still more people in the world that wants kids vs those that never want.
I was referring to how many of those relationship turn into marriage and kids.

[D_Bone_Steak]

Hard ass question. I see more failure than success. Too hard for me to say.

[Asker]

yeah I've seen too many of those boyfriend and girlfriend relationships where they say ''I love you'', they seemed so madly in love (even they start believing one day they'll have kids), go to the movies, share passionate times... all that to end in break-ups, all that for nothing. Few of those make it to the final mature stage of forming of a family.
It didn't use to be like that in the past. Back then more people would date and get in relationship a goal, purpose and timeframe.

[D_Bone_Steak]

Right? It seems pointless to even try at this point and time. Shit was different and now is not the time. Really glad I'm not young and in the game. Because from where I'm standing, dudes and the chicks are losing hard. I'm out of the game but I got Courty Ryan in the back of my head pointing out chicks require dudes to be millionaires, buff with six packs, and drive a car that costs about a million dollars. Yeah right... I give up. The shit is just stupid now. I'll play video games and live in my basement. Anything rather than trying that hard just to pull some chick that is average at best.

[Asker]

The issue is even if those those delusional girls get the millionaire with the best car, he's never going to form a family with her. She's going to waste time in the prolonged eternal infatuation stage of boyfriend and girlfriend having fun. She's wasting her years.

[Asker]

From a biological stance, yes she got sex but not commitment and kids, the most important thing for a woman to gain from a man. She's not using her time wisely, doing a terrible selection.

[D_Bone_Steak]

You have a serious point here. It's like even if she catches Mr. Perfect... that's not going to turn out well. That sadder truth though is Mr. Perfect is probably banging some 18 year old and doesn't find the time for some 30 something year old that has 3 kids, all from different daddies.

[KrakenAttackin]

Asker... Spot on correct.

[Nikki1989]

With my circle of friends, it is 90% or more.

[Anonymous]

38.6%

That's according to the NDBP (National Database for Bogus Percentages)

[Mayo503]

Wouldn’t have a clue…
Lol….
But it will never stop it…
It’s the way of the world

[fonduegirl]

Do you mean a long term relationship?

[Asker]

Yes, a long term relationship that ends in marriage and kids.

[fonduegirl]

That's not true for everyone but okay

[Zayed_]

In America that would 10%

[Asker]

So why do several men even want to do the ''living together with a girlfriend'' if that's a joke and waste of time too? Everything is a joke nowadays, all about just having fun in the dating stage, pathetic ''I love you'' declarations and no actually commitment, responsibilities, real lasting partner to grow old with.

[Zayed_]

I’m a muslim so I live in a completely different world, ask them not me.
I’m a virgin

[LiamJHayden]

For me so far 0.00%

[boobliker]

may be 1 in 10

[Babygirl_S]

In my culture over 90%.

[LazerBean]

10% maybe

[Asker]

It's sad. It used to be much higher in the past. Long ago, more people would date and get into serious relationship with the purpose of forming a family at a shorter timeframe, straight to the point... not this prolonging 5-8 year-old ''relationship'' that's stuck in the forever infatuation period with no purpose.

[Kingofkings1992]

Probably 5 to 10 percent.

[StormChaser838]

5 percent

[Anonymous]

Less than 5%

[Anonymous]

Please just die. Earth is too full