Why do you think we lose physical interest in past lovers?

Question

If we were initially interested in them, whether it be for a few days or many years, WHY do you think this passes after you break up?

Do you think that it DOES in fact have something to do with inner beauty, and that because you have learned who they are as a person and it how they treat you, that you have lost interest in them all together?

Or could it be that after a period of time, our tastes just simply change?

Or, maybe it's another reason.. What would you say it is?

Do you still fancy the person physically, after splitting with them, or do you lose all interest, and if so, why?

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I see them differently. And I can’t always separate it fully.

It’s almost hard to describe… like an imaginary tinted window… or maybe like a kind of drunkenness… where they LOOK gorgeous when you’re interested… and then you see them for how they really act… and it’s like you’re suddenly sober and seeing them as they really are… and it’s ugly. Like the beer goggles are off. Those rose tinted glasses broke.

Age, experience, perspective can change people. An episode of a show I watched four years ago may be a completely different experience now. That happens with a lot of things.

I dated a girl a while ago. She wasn’t normally what I would go for looks wise, but she was kind of cute even at the start. I was open minded about dating her. The more we dated, the more I kind of saw whatever great things she was showing, and I wanted to see, and I kind of fell for her a bit. Over a few months, she started looking more beautiful to me. Then I found she cheated.

I remember I saw a picture of her about a week after I found out she cheated and we broke up, and it was a decent photo - but she wasn’t beautiful. “WHAT did I see in her?” “I dated HER?” “Ooh, that was a bad choice!”

OlderAndWiser · Accepted Answer

I dated a woman from 2015 to 2017. The first time I met her, I thought she was very cute, especially for her age (63,) and she had my attention. We dated exclusively for two years. We had a satisfying physical relationship and I was happy wth her. . . initially. I fell in love wth her but she only fell in like with me. I was 100% devoted to here and she was devoted to me when it had some advantage for her. I don't think she was consciously using me but I still felt that I was being used. For my long-term well-being, I broke up with her, even though I loved her.

(In an ill-conceived moment of weakness,) I took her to dinner and a concert about 6 months later. I looked at her and wondered why I had ever been attracted to her. I saw pictures on FB a few years later and was actually repulsed. I don't think she changed that much.

Can I explain it? No. But it is a very adaptive and self-protective mechanism.

TenderFantasy · Accepted Answer

I think it's the initial lust (sexual) and attraction. That's the HIGH from the oxytocin that you get from sex always doing it with them. Then, yeah, as you get to know them, maybe you find that you guys are less compatible. But as crazy as it sounds, I feel I'll always have a soft spot from our time together (my ex-fiance and I). If I could only have things my way, he wouldn't have been married and divorced with a baby. I would have met him when he was single and working and wasn't into drugs! I also probably wouldn't have gone out with those other losers who hurt me physically as well as emotionally. I don't know though, I mean my ex-fiance DID hurt me physically and psychologically as well, but I think that maybe that's more Trauma bonding than anything? I don't know but I just don't' want to really feel like I've regretted my past than I already have. If that makes sense.

melanieeeB · Accepted Answer

I personally lost physical interest the moment I realized they don't want me no more or I felt used and I have been hurt way too often, to still want anything from them... I still find my exes good looking but that's about it now

Guy13 · Answer

The biggest factor in intra-spousal physical attraction loss is Time to develop Unresolved Resentment .

The details are endless and the Fix for immediate and secondary Family drama, Money, Unequal or Unfair Division of Responsibility, Parenting, and general “didn’t know this about you” is to try the activities of the first year or current new likes without it being plain as day what is going on. Talking once and awhile is good too.

coachTanthony · Answer

I think it's a character flaw or issue they have displayed that has turned us off altogether. Doesn't matter if they are still hot physically... hard to get past someone who hates the homeless , etc. Attraction is more then physical.

Lliam · Answer

Every one of my girlfriends were pretty and exceedingly fuckable. That didn't change after I moved on.

No two girls are physically identical, but there is little difference in their attractiveness or physical functionality. Pretty girls are equally fuckable.

Where they differ is in personality. So even if I moved on to a new girlfriend, my appreciation for their physical attributes didn't change. I still "fancied" them physically and was grateful for the memories of our time together.

In other words, even if I decided that I didn't want to remain with them, my physical attraction didn't diminish. Although I wouldn't go back to having sex with them after breaking up, even if they wanted to. I would have felt like I was using them and being dishonest.

NathanDavis · Answer

none of my previous relationships were primarily based on physical attraction...

if past relationships of mine came to a conclusion... that was because we happened to end at a point in which our further plans were just not compatible enough to make things work

Gibbons44 · Answer

I don't expect it gets lost if it leads to consumating marriage. If it does not, there probably is a biological reason to avoid such a person (at least until they fix their health or situation - be it to lose excess weight or to be able to work and self finance so they can make own decisions).

Most people who finance others - whether social services or parents, will not allow marriage until one reaches self-sufficiency, since to do so would mean they'd have to start financing not just one person, but also their spouse and children that'd be born from that marriage.

magiusX26 · Answer

its likely more about psychologically you have determined they are bad for you and/or cause uou some firm of (possibly only percieved) harm so to protect yourself from further such harm you find distaste up to repulsion by them. sometimes it even evolves into certain (usually physical) traits of others give you the same negative reaction/s, at least subconciously. some examples could be a height, weight, body shape, eye shape, eye color, cheek bones, nose, lip type, voice, dress style, perfume/cologne scent, or other such things.

Anonymous · Answer

I've had girls hit me up years later and say they still want me.
It all depends on how attractive you really are physically, or if they just thought you were attractive because they liked the way you made them feel

LiamJHayden · Answer

I have never lost  physical  interest. I have lost, or rather failed to achieve, a lasting emotional or spiritual bond. That is why my relationships have failed. Well, that and the fact that I can be a very difficult person.

ObscuredBeyond · Answer

There are some I never lost physical attraction for. But to keep myself from saying or doing anything regrettable, I put up psychological barriers to approaching them.

So that even if they are willing to cross certain lines with me again, I can't bring myself to allow the old flame to ever rekindle to its maximum potential.

SphynxUK · Answer

I’m still attracted to my ex. We are good friends so have boundaries. I do not feel the same about any other partners, including the person I was married to. I think if they are/were good people, it is a factor.

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

My taste doesn't change, its always 1 of 2 issues:

1. The breakup happens because of hidden compatibility problems showing up.

2. The breakup happens because she cheated.

Either way she shows herself as not the person I was wanting.

Once I realize she isn't actually a match, the interest in her is gone because "she" is gone/never existed.

I've learned from this mistake however, she must be revealed as a match before I date her now.

Anonymous · Answer

I think its mostly because you a woman whom you find attractive is very heavily connected to their relationship value. If you know that value is non-workable then your attraction to them may be likewise reduced.

In my case every woman i dated ended up getting really fat after I left them. It seemed almost like a curse.

Babygirl_S · Answer

I still think my first boyfriend was handsome. Perhaps I'm rare 😂

Guardian45 · Answer

People grow tastes change! I still most of Exes. Would I go back to them? F dat Sh! t, HELL NO!

WhitneySnow · Answer

Probably the first one, but there are some exes I still have feelings for

FilmGuy93 · Answer

Because you're reminded of all that baggage and the emotional bullshit the person caused you. Sex isn't a purely mechanical thing. Despite society's best efforts to make it otherwise; sex is a spiritual act.

Crafteroon · Answer

There are exes I still find physically attractive. Not all of them, and I have no thoughts about doing anything if I do find them attractive, but not going to lie either.

GoodGuyBreakingBad · Answer

Sadly, I lose interest in them and move on with life

rienna888 · Answer

because we escaped the situation. When were in love, we see them as perfect and as we escape the relationship, we realize why it didn't work out

msc545 · Answer

I have not noticed that women became physically less attractive, but they certainly became personally less attractive when I got to know them a bit.

Bklynbadboy12 · Answer

I don't lose interest their still attractive but I no longer want to be with then cause I love myself enough to walk away from people that have hurt me

genericname85 · Answer

no i think that's mostly resolving cognitive dissonance.

JennieF · Answer

Sometimes it's emotionl. Sometimes it might just be boredom.

itsalyssaagain · Answer

Because they put us off

collie22 · Answer

Maybe cause we replace them

Mayo503 · Answer

Being cheated on

Why do you think we lose physical interest in past lovers?

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