If he wants me to chase him, that's not real love... is it?

[Anonymous]

[Summeroflove]

Personally I think not. I don’t know his true feelings. I really don’t.


But I figure if someone is into someone they’ll put effort in and stop playing games. You can only pursue someone so long and it get nowhere before you just move on.



I especially hate playing hard to get. It makes no sense… a lot of people genuinely aren’t interested especially when others are interested in someone. Many times it ends in the other person moving on

[Jamie05rhs]

Maybe he just wants you to reciprocate.

[Rosexøxø]

Maybe she lacks a better word but chasing implies there is distance and one is RUNNING away.

Desiring or craving someone is much better- and BEST if it’s reciprocated like you said.

I wouldn’t chase after anyone- EVER

unless I was really dumb and pushed them away, beyond all possibilities, and had to chase them back.

[Jamie05rhs]

@Rosexøxø I understand everything you just said. It makes sense, for sure.

Though maybe she did push him away.

[Rosexøxø]

Possible possible 👀👍

[Asker]

@Rosexøxø he's been chasing after me for years but I just noticed he's been reciprocating me this whole time. Long story. BUT he's ghosting so I need to lay low

[Asker]

Move on***

[Jamie05rhs]

Sounds to me like you both love each other! ❤️ So you need to have a summit and talk and hash this out!

[Asker]

@jamie05rhs I highly doubt he loves me lol he has hundreds of girls

[Asker]

Plus he's ghosted. Pretty much.

[Asker]

He has hundreds after him.
I'd love to get to know him but I don't know why you said love lol

[Jamie05rhs]

@Asker You said he's been chasing after you for years. If he had hundreds of girls, why would he be chasing you for years if he didn't like you? 🤷

And you said he's been reciprocating you. Well, that must mean that you were into him as well. Since he was pursuing you. Because otherwise what would he have to reciprocate?

[Jamie05rhs]

How has he ghosted?

[Asker]

Basically fell of or stopped communication eventho I haven't necessarily reached out but subtly so. Unfortunately it was mostly sexual advances and compliments during the years. But I realize how shallow I have been. I've also been on a healing journey and him as well. I think him not being on social for a month is him ghosting. I dont have his number. He may not be into me more than fucking and or friends. He hasn't really pursued me either... just mostly (I think) trying to attract me. I haven't been paying the best of attention BUT now he has mine. but again.. now he has ghosted. Lol I wish I can take everything back and start fresh. Be his friend I'd take that then this silence

[Jamie05rhs]

@Asker I have an alternate theory. And hear me out, ok?
Maybe he was really on that social media site to talk to you. And since he felt like he wasn't getting anywhere, he got disillusioned. And that's why he doesn't go on that site anymore. Because it reminds him of you. And he'd rather not be sad.

[Asker]

He could of always hit my dms lol.
Maybe I wasn't ready for him. But I was showing him I fuck with him and he ghosted for weeks now. I look for any sign and he showed me 2 but I can't ever reach him. So that tells me he doesn't want to be reached. He also probably just wants to fuck anyway. I don't know. I hate that I have to be respectful (I'm a brat) I love being respectful to him. I'm just inpatient sometimes. But maybe this is what I need to really grow up. He could have any woman in the world he's truly a beautiful person and spirit. I lost my chance. I go cry now. Thanks for helping me

[Jamie05rhs]

"I was showing him I fuck with him.". Can you clarify this, please? I think I know what you mean but I'm not sure.

What were the two signs that he showed you?

You hate being respectful or you love being respectful? Which one? I'm confused.

Aww

[Asker]

Lol I'm not afraid to go for what I want most times. So what I mean by I was showing him I fuck with him mostly like listening and paying attention to his... art. I'm a fan of his. I wish we could be friends. He seems so down to earth and I've been struggling to meet real people like him & I.

It felt like a sign. 1 was he caught me looking at his story and he usually replies to my compliments but honestly I'd die if all of this was just in my head lol. I'm a brat and hate not being able to get what I want which is him but it may be good cause I'd never wanna ruin anything if I ever got a chance to be cool with him.

He wouldn't be the type to smash and dash. He'd be the type to fuck for 40 times before I ever considered someone else lol jk but I wish I can hold him and listen to him talk etc etc
I respect him. Not wanting me. I'd respect him wanting me we are both into eachother sexually but that's nothing compared to something real
Like a connection and reciprocating. But again he's ghosted me so I gotta respect it and go die now

[Jamie05rhs]

Oh- he makes art? That's cool.

"I'd never wanna ruin anything if I ever got a chance to be cool with him.". Ruin what?

"He wouldn't be the type to smash and dash.". You mean there are other types of guys that you would smash and dash? But you would keep him?

"so I gotta respect it and go die now."
Nooo. Lolol 😂

[Asker]

Hahah
Your first question. If I got the chance to be his friend I'd want to be in his life forever.

I'd deff keep him if I could.

But honestly this all may be in my head let me go die lol

[Jamie05rhs]

So what would you ruin? I don't get it.

Okay; that's good!

Lol. Nooo 😅

[Asker]

Ever been so sexually attracted to someone.. the moment you guys fuck whatever it was between you is now ruined. If I got the chance to be his friend I wouldn't jump in bed with him.
Eventho the sexual tension, attraction, compatability is out of this world and I haven't felt anything since 2020 the last time I saw him in person. I know having sex too soon can sometimes ruin things. And to me the best relationships are friends to lovers. If I get a chance to even be his friend I'd be greatful
But I feel I'm just wishful thinking

[Jamie05rhs]

No lol. Because I don't do that. I don't have sex until I know that we're in a committed lifetime relationship. (Which, for me, means marriage.)

So don't jump in bed with him. I agree with you!! 👍👍

You're right; have sex too soon OFTEN ruins relationships!

Okay. Well, keep an open mind and see what happens. :). See if you guys can connect again.

[Asker]

Eh. I doubt anything will happen. He's run off and I was in LA la land need to get back to reality. Thanks for all your help!!

[Jamie05rhs]

Okay. 😌. You're welcome!

[Jamie05rhs]

Thanks for the MHO.

[Rosexøxø]

Yeah not real at all.

He just told you his objective and if he didn’t and implied that to you in a way you are now asking us- then he implied that to you lol

Find a new one, sis.

I won’t say look for someone who is unrealistic, but at the very least respectful towards you and seeming to have some first hints of craving you.

[Rosexøxø]

Best to you!

[strateguy632]

to rose, content not, girls play hard to get when interested so we copy them.

[Rosexøxø]

@strateguy632 so you’re a girl now?

👂

[Rosexøxø]

I just don’t wish to offend you with my selection of pronouns I give you 🌝🌚

[LittleSally]

Of course it's true... He doesn't give a crap about you, but enjoys you chasing him because it gives him an ego boost.

[Asker]

When I don't chase he will interject to grab my attention again. Why?

[LittleSally]

Because he needs the attention.
That is very toxic behaviour.

He loves you chasing after him because it makes him feel good and desired, but is not taking you seriously and doesn't care about your emotions, just the way your neediness boosts his ego and maybe how people see him when they know he has people running after him...

Do yourself a huge favor and leave that crappy toxic situation.

[coachTanthony]

Men hunt for what they want. They don't take anyone seriously who chase them.

[Asker]

Why would a guy fall back? If he was someone who chased me a little bit? Still not interested in me?

[coachTanthony]

He's interested in sex that is all. If he wanted you for more you would know it.

[Asker]

Damn... I hate being ugly lol

[Asker]

I did just show him I wanted to sleep with him as well. But now he's showing me it's just sex.

Got it

[Jamie05rhs]

@Asker What did he say in response when you told him that?

[Asker]

@Jamie05rhs he just replies amd accepts my sexual advances. But he's since ghosted pretty much since beginnimg. of April

[Jamie05rhs]

@Asker Don't ever just send nudes. You have to have a larger strategy. Nudes are nice but they won't get you anywhere long-term. You need him to see you as more than that. You have to present yourself as a well-rounded individual.

[Asker]

@Jamie05rhs I never sent nudes... lol

[Asker]

@Jamie05rhs not sure why you're jumping to that conclusion. It was more saying hey you're hot I wanna do sexual things to you on social media

[Jamie05rhs]

Ohhh; okay. My bad. Sorry I misinterpreted what you said.

[Bully-O-Frog]

Thats irrelevant to whether the love is real or not. Many guys like myself are tired of being the ones expected to chase. We want to see someone who will give just as much effort as we do if we've been in relationships we had to "carry" for too long. Yes, sometimes you will be down and I'll take a bigger share, yes that can be 100% for a while, but not forever.

Men are expected to chase women as the default. It feels nice to feel wanted too. Show him you want him and he will show you a love you didn't know existed.

[Asker]

I did. Unfortunately most of the chasing was just sexual. I'm not sure if he feels more? He's very very popular and has million of girls after him. He's actually just went invisible pretty much for a month so I feel I scared him off and he's doing his own thing. I didn't pay too much mind to him because short term memory back in the day haha

[Juxtapose]

That's your problem, you're going after a guy who has tons of options and doesn't know what it's like to be alone for a while. You need time alone and you need rejection to develop character and the ability to care about someone more than just their looks in my opinion.

[Asker]

@Juxtapose that's fair. I'll move on. Thank you

[Juxtapose]

Try the nerds in the library, hopefully one of them will have a heart along with a brain

[arodriguez664]

My ex-boyfriend and I got together because I chased him. I wore him down and eventually he said yes. The pitfall with that was I always felt like he agreed because it was convenient and easy. Eventually he told me so he told me the only reason why he agreed was because he wanted a girlfriend. So it was soul crushing and terrible. I think we as women should indicate interest and and put effort into getting to know the guys that we want to get to know. However the key is if they don't want to get to know you don't press it. Just move on and find someone who does. I did that with my current boyfriend and I've been very happy

[Adam1978]

Okay, guy chasing girls don't do it for love. Got it. So don't sit and wait for that to happen. You do realize that both need to act on their feelings, otherwise you will never get any good result. So yes you should make opportunities for the guy in question. Women has always made it easier for their preferred candidate.

[Asker]

He's for sure has always responded to my sexual advances and compliments I realized he's had his eyes on me this whole time. Now that I'm moving to him he disappeared or backed all the way off. So maybe thats rejection?

[RavVid]

Well girls have classically wanted men to chase them. I think that does have functional purpose for girls as it weeds out the less keen men, leaving the very keen who will want to form a relationship.

It should work just as well in reverse for men.

Don't think there is much love yet in the chasing period irrespective of whom is chasing whom. It is the qualification round.

[Asker]

Exactly that's why I think chasing isn't authentic. It's stupid and time is being wasted. I don't chase

[RavVid]

I tend to think the same. Somewhat similar to bidding at auction.

[OfMiceandMen]

Not at all. He's just playing games. If that's what he's all about, then he's truly not interested in you.

[Asker]

How would I know a man wants more?

[OfMiceandMen]

For one thing he will respect you enough not to play games. He will be open/honest with you and answer any questions you have regarding him and what he is looking for in a relationship.

[lightbulb27]

depends what is going on.

it may be, but maybe he isn't ready to love?

lets simplify this. love is emotional energy... we know what it is conceptually.

shame and fear cause people to run... they are other energies. spite is another one. etc etc..

So he's controlled by some other energy that may need cleared. Maybe he loves someone else, if so, so be it. But it sounds like something is messed up on the inside. that is the work required.

[Anarcamus]

I think context is important here, expand on or explain "chase".
typically the guy will do the chasing, can you explain why you think he needs you to chase now?

[Asker]

He disappeared on me. And I'm trying to respect his space and time. But darn. I want him lol it's a me problem

[Anarcamus]

Well what happened to lead up to this?

[Asker]

I was being a little aggressive and trying to show him I was into him eventho he knew all along as he's always responded to my sexual advances and compliments.

[Anonymous]

It might seem that way from some women's perspective. But the reality is guys want to know that the woman digs us as much as we dig them. So it could be he's just seeing if he means anything to you. If you don't chase then clearly he's just another guy to you.

[Asker]

Please that's not true.
I'd almost do anything else than chase. I've fallen on my face a few times it's embarrassing and I don't want to go through that again

[Opinion Owner]

It ain't always about you hun. Guys are not just npc in the story of your life.

[Asker]

Nice?
I know all guys are wheres but alright

[Asker]

Npc*?

[Opinion Owner]

Non playing character (gaming lingo). Sorry I assumed most 18-24 yr. Olds would have got that.

[Sour-rose]

nah. A woman may want this but in my eyes, it's not love, it's just attention.

[Natiii2023]

Never chase a man. My man chased me. He also loves it. chasing in the sense that he’s constantly trying to win me over even tho he already has 🤣

[Asker]

If I chase my crown wil fall
In his lovely dreams lol

[strateguy632]

could be love. depends. sometimes we want to measure how much u want us. like playing hard to get. reference song what if, "or would u watch me walk away without a fight".

[EpicSnail]

Women: "Ugh, guys are so creepy and disgusting. Why can't they leave women alone?"

Also women: "If he doesn't approach you, he is a coward and an asshole, and you should take it as a personal insult"

[Leme2]

You can't win with them.

[Iron_Man]

Well, then how come, it’s OK for women to be chased so that’s ok but not for man Huh? And you know that woman love to be chased

[Asker]

I never said it was OK
I'm just wondering if it seems like he wants me to chase is real love or not lol
But he's ghosting... so it's a NO

[Iron_Man]

If he’s ghosting you, that’s a different story, but some men like to be pursued, that means you really care, and they like that it can be love for sure they want to feel loved, and appreciated

[Iron_Man]

Sometimes, when a man , chases a woman so hard, he doesn’t really know if she cares or not

[Asker]

I get that. I'll never pursue a man. Yuck.
I'll smile and show him I'm open to or for him. Anyway yea I feel he's ghosted. No care in the world to tell me he needs space and time. Eventhough I don't know him like that. What the hecks the point of accepting my sexual advances and compliments for almost 10 years just to dissappear. I feel like a fool. Maybe that was his plan all along

[Iron_Man]

That’s totally a different story and 10 years I didn’t know that

[Asker]

What story is it?
You arnt expressing what this story is lol
Bad... good... like I need to know.
There's mascara everywhere right now

[Asker]

How can you pursue someone on social media and the person has millions of girls chasing after him. Fair game I lost him. I'm just crying right now I HOPE I get over this please pray for me

[Iron_Man]

You don’t really break it down in your question you just talk in the headlines but I’ll pray for you

[Iron_Man]

The question is, do you want this man or do you not want him?

[Asker]

I do want him but he's ghosted and I feel maybe all of this is in my head and I need to move on now lol

[Asker]

If he's ghosted that just tells me he's not into me

[Iron_Man]

Give it at least one more shot and see what happens

[Asker]

There might not be one more it's okay thank you for your support

[Iron_Man]

I prayed for you

[Asker]

Lol thank you
You are always so kind

[Iron_Man]

Your welcome

[Buttajah]

If that person isn't reciprocating the same vibes and effort as you, heck nah it isn't
real. He's playing a game.

[BigOleMatt]

The main thing I see from this and the feeling I always desire is to be wanted by someone... with that feeling you open up so much not just having someone but having their full attention and desires.

[Asker]

But to me that only goes with someone who NEVER chases. I'm talking about someone whose hot af and they know it and can have anyone

[sheikalana]

A guy wants you to chase him? Girl, do not loose your dignity please.

[Anonymous]

This question is a reminder of my lifelong resentment of how nature and reality dictates that men have to be or are meant to be the ones to go after the woman and not the other way around

[Asker]

I used to chase a little when I was younger.

[Asker]

But he's not chasing just replying

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

If you have to chase, beg or convince someone to be with you then they aren't for you.

[Twalli]

So why do girls think it's okay to make guys chase thrm?

[Asker]

I'm not sure. I don't think it's fair at all for anyone to chase. It isn't authentic

[Twalli]

True, but some people think that if a guy chases her it proves he loves her, when all it really means is that he's not "exploring his options". If my girlfriend didn't agree to go out with me when I asked her out I would have moved on. I wouldn't have tried to convince her.

[zetareticuli]

Men are simple. Show real interest in him and he will take care of you.

[Anonymous]

Chasing by anyone does not show real love. It all comes in mind games.

[Minahh]

No it's not, it's manipulative

[Juxtapose]

Now you know how men feel.

[Asker]

I've been rejected my whole life. But alright

[Juxtapose]

There's a woman on this Earth who is married and she has a disorder where her sweat smells like rotten fish and feces.

Go hang out at a bar or try a dating app. Women get dozens of matches a day on those dating apps where men are happy if they get even one.

[Spade_01]

Yeah, he's just using you for attention.

[Dargil]

No, it is not. It is head games.

[Anonymous]

You shouldn't be chasing him.

[Asker]

I'm not. I'm sensing that's what he wants me to do. But maybe I am wrong

[Fuentes]

I don't know why would u be chasing?

[Asker]

I'm not. Never will I ever
Just saying that's what he wants me to do and if so he don't really like or love me

[Fuentes]

I know but why does he want u to chase? Lol

[Anonymous]

Real love is dead

[Luopio27]

I hate chasers.

[dudeinohio]

Sure it is.

[In_Trance]

Why not?

[Nominal]

Agree.

[jimmy2]

Could be lust