Every time I talk to my girlfriend she sounds annoyed?

[Anonymous]

For the past month or so, almost anytime that I start talking to my girlfriend she gets upset? It's really weird. I'm starting to think that she doesn't like me. Every time that I start talking she either beings to ignore me and not really listen to what I have to say or she starts to get annoyed at what I have to say. It's really sad because it wasn't like this in the beginning. She's just extremely irritable now and talks to me with so much snark and isn't considerate of how I feel.

Last night I was really questioning how she feels about me because I doubt if she even likes me anymore. I asked her how she felt about me (and no, I'm not one of those annoying guys who's constantly seeking validation or anything but I do constantly give it to her and make her feel that I love her and want her). Her response to me was to pause.. sigh.. and then say "you already know how I feel about you".. I dunno what she's talking about because I don't. Every time that I talk to her I feel like I'm bothering her now and feel like she doesn't wanna hear from me. After she said that she noticed that I got sad and didn't want to talk anymore so she started acting all cutesy and told me that she loves me... and I don't appreciate that because it's damage control.

Nowadays, she's super cold towards me and only shows me affectiona when I tell her that I'm unhappy (because she knows I might leave) and whenever she knows that she's hurt my feelings that when it's "you know I love you" and "you're my best friend" but aside from that.. she's just cold and hurting me and doesn't really care for my feelings. She calls me emotional and insensitive but this isn't the kinda woman that I wanted.. I just want the old her back. I told her she changed and she told me that she's just becoming more comfortable with me.. meaning that this is the real her apparently.. 🙃

Anywho, I would appreciate some thoughts and opinions. Thanks and God bless :)

[Anonymous]

This gives me LDR vibes, and if that’s the case then she may not be suited for that sort of relationship. She could love you to death and still not do well with that dynamic, as it can be very taxing. If you have plans to see each other soon or to close the distance then maybe you can hang in there, but I feel like you’re being inconsiderate of your mental health and clinging onto the relationship because you really want a companion.

[Asker]

You're right. She most likely not suited for this sort of relationship. I could try to hold out until then but that's kind of wishful thinking, no? I'm assuming that the situation will change if we're in person together. Also, if the person is acting really funny and not treating you good from a far.. what is the incentive to be closer to them? It's hard for me to muster the strength of getting closer to her. I dunno. Thanks for replying :)

[Opinion Owner]

No problem dude I’m sorry you’re goin through this. I noticed in another comment you said she stayed in an abusive relationship just for the sake of not being alone. If I were in your shoes, that would clarify a lot of this situation, how she’s acting and what you ultimately need to do. The last thing you want is to be her boyfriend like as default because she doesn’t wanna be alone, that’s wasting both of your time. Plus make sit harder to know how genuine she is. Like sure she can say she loves you and whatnot but it sounds like her actions are telling another story. If your relationship is only a few months old, you can still get out of this relatively unscathed. Yes you’ll be upset for a bit, but eventually you’ll feel much better than you have for the past month or so. I think you’d be better suited finding a woman in person.

[Asker]

I guess knowing that about the past does clear up what's going on. It really sucks to hear. I'm not exactly sure how I'm going to bring this up to her. But, I gotta do something. That's true. I don't want her to choose me over being alone. I want her to choose me because she loves me more than any other guy. Last night she really hurt me then she told me that she loved me (damage control) because she knew she made me sad and then I told her that I loved her too (reluctantly) then she started asking how much and it pained me to say.. "a lot". I always ask her if she's happy and then she responds by asking me if I'm happy because she knows that If I become unhappy, I will leave. I have been unhappy for some time now. You're very right in it wasting both of our times.. I never thought of it that way. That's very true. It's hard to know why she's doing things.. I can kinda tell based on how she treats me and speaks to me tho. This is outta having someone around who's gonna buy her stuff and not have to give the person much love and affection. The saddest part is that I used to be perfect content being alone. I just thought I met the most amazing girl.. she was for the first 5 1/2 months. I don't think I'll be upset. She's hurt me too much for me to really see this as as loss at this point. I feel bad for her because she doesn't really have anyone else. Unless we stay as just friends. I think that you're right. Or being with a woman that is loving, kind, affectionate, passionate, like me.. and truly loves me for me. Thank you once again for your amazing advice. :)

[Opinion Owner]

I went through something similar at one point in my life, so I’m just sorry to hear you’re going through it, you seem like a genuinely nice guy, undeserving of this situation.
I’m glad to hear that you believe you’ll be ok if you leave, so I think it’s really time to utilize that strength and leave that relationship alone. I’m sure you’d wanna be there as a friend, but you can’t even think of that until you are over your romantic feelings and know that you can navigate a platonic relationship safely, without her toying with your emotions when she feels like it.
I don’t know her personally, but I don’t think she’s even fit for a relationship right now. Not when she’s mostly in it because she doesn’t wanna be alone and weaponizes your love for her when she thinks you’re leaving. Like that’s so toxic, manipulative and selfish. As you said, you were doing fine before her, and you’ll still be fine without her. There’s a whole world waiting for you on the other side of this relationship and a woman who will align with what you need right now, not what you hope she will be in the future. I know you won’t just up and leave, but I truly hope you consider it.

[Asker]

I try to be a decent fella. Sometimes it may feel like it but she never really toys with my emotions. It does seem like she's always trying to start a fight with me tho. She'll hurt me and tell me to tell her how much I love her and if I don't she gets mad. I don't feel confused but I do feel annoyed by this. You don't hurt someone then tell them to tell you how they feel about you. It's a setup of sorts. I don't believe that she's fit for a relationship either. She told me the if I were to stop talking to her she would look to replace me right away. But she said that I'm not replaceable. She said that no one has ever loved her this much. She said I'm the best person that she's ever met. She said that im her favorite person and her best friend. I honestly do believe all of those things because.. this girl has had a really hard life.. that's why I feel so bad for leaving because I always told her that I wasn't gonna be like the rest. I was always nice to her and treated her like a queen but she flipped on me and I'm destroying myself trying to love this girl. I do have to consider it. I can't continue the way that things have been. Things need to change. Thank you so much! Just venting and sharing what's been going on has been so helpful for me. It's given me a new perspective. It's also a little hard for me to leave because this girl and I did manage to do a few sexual things and that was my first time with any girls so.. I just wish she could act right so that we could continue the relationship business as usual. I dunno.

[Asker]

Oh, and one more thing that really hurts that makes me want to cry. Sometimes she only comes to me whenever she needs something.. that hurts me to my core and makes me feel like I'm nothing. She doesn't treat me good but she acts all cutesy when it's time for me to get her something. She'll hang up on me and only call me back when I need to get her something, Then she plays nice afterwards. It's really sad because I can tell when she's making small talk with me and complimenting me just because she wants me to buy her something. It hurts. It makes me feel unwanted and used.

[Asker]

And! she doesn't reply to my messages quickly anymore. She leaves me unopened for hours despite her being on social media. That bothers me and she's lied to me about it in the past. Here's the thing.. in this life we only get to choose one partner, right? So if that's the case, It doesn't matter whether the reason for breaking up doesn't seem right to other people or whether your standards are high or not. It's your life and you're the one who's gonna be dealing with that person everyday. So it's in our best interest to be picky and not stick around when a person isn't treating you right. People don't change.. and I'm not trying to sound sexist but from what I've heard from my guy friends women especially don't change. I've noticed that with this girl, if I ask her to change things. Then she either gets upset or does the change and then she throws it back into my face later.. like "I'm doing this for you because you asked" and I never do that to her.

[Opinion Owner]

Sorry for just getting back to you, yesterday was a busy day lol. After reading what you’ve said, I worry that because you’re in the situation, you’re having a difficult time seeing things from an outside perspective. But this is not a healthy relationship, and honestly you’d be better off without it.
Just because you told her you’d be different and you’d never leave or whatever doesn’t mean you have to glue yourself to a woman you have no attachments to other than emotional ties. No kids, no home, just words. Like if I promised my ex that I’d be the one to stay after learning about his tumultuous upbringing and hard adult life, does that mean I trap myself with an abusive, alcoholic narcissist? Absolutely not. Your girlfriend is a sinking ship, and she’ll pull you down right along with her if you keep yourself chained to a bad situation. I’m sure you will defend her, but you’ve spent a lot of time protecting this woman when you should be holding her accountable.
Like how on earth can she call you replaceable in so many words (I. E saying if you left she’d find someone else), siphon money from you, and you still defend this relationship? This isn’t love, this is a woman who’s suckered a man into giving her what she wants.

If you can love the wrong woman so much, imagine what it would be like with the right woman? She still out there, but you’ll never get to her if you stay where you are.

[Opinion Owner]

Also, I truly hope that you don’t listen to your friends, it’s like the blind leading the blind if they don’t have any successful relationships under their belts as well. Take it from me — not all women are the same. To say women don’t change is wrong, because they will change for the right man, and vice versa. I think about the relationship I’m in now, how it’s thriving and what I’ve gone through to get where I am now. So many times I’ve wished I met him earlier rather than go through what I went through, but things happened how they were supposed to. I think of another man from my past that I despite all the pain, I did everything in my power to make it work and I truly thought he was end game, I was determined to make it all worth it. In hindsight, I’m so grateful that I left because if I didn’t have faith in knowing I deserved better, I never would’ve met this man now. The right woman is out there, you’ve just got to stop trying to turn this wrong woman into who you’re meant to be with. Even if it feels like you will never have luck again, wouldn’t you want to at least be available to receiving it?

[Opinion Owner]

It’s so crazy because you really will not know or understand that there’s better out there until you experience it. Even if your next relationship were to end, as long as it’s better, then you’ll have felt, seen, and become able to attest to the fact that great women are still out there.

[Asker]

No worries, take as long as you need. It’s really difficult because some days are good and some days are bad. When things are good, I can’t imagine them being bad again but when things are bad, I can’t imagine a time when things will be good again. Right now things are going really good between us. She was a bit irraited the past day or two because she was on her monthly but she didn’t tell me. We’ve been talking and it’s been really good. We’re getting the bottom of everything. I told her that as long as she continues to treat me iwht respect then I won’t go anywhere and she agreed with that. She honestly doesn’t try to hurt me on purpose.. which is a good thing but it’s bad that her character traits can at time be a little off pudding to me, but I have to consider her background/past leading up to me. You’re very right. I shouldn’t be forcing myself to stay in something that I don’t like just because I told a person a few words. We don’t have anything else holding us together, we’re not even together in person all the time. You’re right, you don’t stay just to be abused and used. I wouldn’t go as far as to say that she’s a sinking ship but I will say that she does need to be more mindful of how she treats me and speaks to me. I know it sounds terrible on the outside looking in but I honestly do feel like things can work. I think that if it were just me and her alone together, everything would be really good. We recently had a good heart to heart and we’re on the same page again. I was able to share some of how I’m feeling with her and she didn’t get upset and she listened and her behavior has changed.

[Asker]

Moving forward, I will be holding her accountable and I will make her aware of all of the things that she does that I don’t agree with. Lol, I’m very sorry for saying that she said that she would replace me. She was joking when she said it and she then said that she wouldn’t be able to replace me. She said that when she was talking about how hard it was to leave her ex because she really wanted someone and how hard is was not having anyone. I wouldn’t say that she’s siphoning money, I think that’s a stretch. I’m in a much better financial situation than her and I helped her out here and there. Because it’s been so long I guess she got used to it and I didn’t mind it so long as the relationship was good, but whenever the relationship is rocky, I feel like I’m being taking advantage of. But I think now she realizes that. This isn’t love.. that’s very good. That’s something that I’m thinking about.. it’s something that’s been rolling around my mind quite a bit.. I wonder if this is truly love. I wonder if I truly love her and I wonder if she truly loves me.. I dunno. I feel kinda funny thinking about it sometimes. I know that I love myself and respect myself enough to walk away from her when I know I’m not being treated good. I was going to leave last night but we ended up having an amazing conversation instead. I was gonna leave her a few months ago too. I will not lose myself trying to love this person. If I can love the wrong woman so much 😭.

[Asker]

I honestly do think about that.. sometimes I wonder if I’m just being emotional because it’s my first relationship and running to get advice at the smallest things. I honestly do believe that I’m a good guy to have. I think that I’m going to continue to play this by ear and see where it takes me. I will continue to see her because things are going well and I do see a future with her but if things continue then I need to throw in the towel no matter how many times I’ve told her that I’ll leave (especially now that I’ve made it clear that disrespect will not be tolerated). I don’t listen to my friends. None of them have any successful relationships. I thank you. You’re right again, not all women are the same. Women will change for the right man and vice versa. It’s so bad, I wish that I had met this girl earlier and that she didn’t change as a result of the abuse she endured. Wow, thank you. Stop trying to turn the wrong woman into someone that you’re supposed to be with.. wow. Sometimes you want a person to be the one.. you honestly do, but sometimes they just aren’t. Relationships are hard, but they aren’t supposed to be super hard… You know the wildest thing. You’re making perfect sense. Before she came into my life, I was perfectly fine being alone. I never felt lonely. How can I let a person come into my life and disturb my peace so much? But isn’t this what it’s like to have to deal with another person everyday? We aren’t the same person so it’s enviable to bump heads. Also, I wasn’t looking for a relationship. It’s not like she’ll leave and then I start looking for another. I prioritize other things above love but somehow I found myself in this predicament.

[Asker]

I’m telling you, I honestly thought that things couldn’t be fixed and I was going to forever be hurt. I thought the relationship was done yesterday. We texted and hopped on the phone and had an amazing conversation. Things just kept getting better from there. I know that there are amazing women out there.. the thing is.. I just don’t believe that the woman that O’m with is a bad woman. She’s had an interesting way of treating me, I’ve been hurt at times, and sometimes I’m confused on where we stand.. but overall, I know that she wants to be with me and I want to be with her and if we’re to go the distance, great! I’ll play it by ear. I’ll tell her my likes and dislikes and I’ll respect and love myself and her enough to leave. Thanks again for always reading what I have to say and I appreciate it more than you’ll ever know. God bless :)

[Opinion Owner]

See, you write essays of excuses then try to sprinkle on a bit of logic. I’m guessing things are a bit more smooth between you maybe after a few regular phone convos; but what happens in a few days or weeks when she’s back to making you feel insecure and unloved? You counter everything that myself and surely your friends say with some sort of protection and deflection, an odd amount of optimism. From the outside this is very sad and toxic, but no one can make you see the light and leave until you’re ready. Til then, I feel unfortunately certain I will see you back on here again very soon. I don’t say this to make you feel bad, it’s just truth. She’s a troubled woman, unfit for a relationship and a user. With this you don’t have to agree. Praying for your strength and peace. Bye.

[BoopBoopBeep]

I've been there brother. It doens't get any better. It's hard. Cut your losses and walk away, maybe you can still be friends, but once she's checked out like she has there's no going back to how it was.

[Asker]

It doesn't get better :((. I think it's because she doesn't like me anymore or doesn't find me interesting anymore.. or maybe a loss of respect over time? I dunno I think she didn't wanna tell me how she feels because she can't muster up the lies of telling me that she likes me. Once a person doesn't like you anymore the relationship is pretty much over. I loved/liked her more than she liked me and that ruined everything. She would tell me that she would never love a man more than he loves her. She said that a while ago.

[BoopBoopBeep]

Time to move on then. It sucks. I still remember how much it sucks, but now or later it ends the same... might as well tear the bandaid off

[Asker]

It's that the beauty in it tho? She doesn't feel the same way. She's lost the spark. And whether I call it off now or if she calls it off in 6 months.. same thing.. thing is.. she probably won't call it off at all because she doesn't wanna be alone so I'm just going to end up being here sad for the entire duration of whatever we have going on now.. what do you suggest my friend?

[boggboss]

Meh what to say she clearly only likes having u around because she dont want to be alone thatsvwhy she only puy effort in when it seems like u are sad

[Asker]

That really does seem to be the case. She stayed with her abusive ex for so long because she didn't want to be alone. She's told me that she would rather have someone than be alone. I don't know... ;/

[boggboss]

Seems like u are that next guy then

[Asker]

what do you suggest?