Girls, My girlfriend is currently undergoing ivf, our relationship is 6 months old, since starting 6 weeks ago she has got very distant?

[LukeMac]

We have known each other 2.5 years and she has never hid the fact she wanted a child. I’m supporting her ivf journey but the lack of communication is difficult. She has spent time with friends and family but not me, she has said sorry numerous times but make little effort to ‘change’. Obviously I try to understand but it is difficult

[SueShe]

It looks as if she is in a kind of depressive state since the in-vitro fertilization started. You don't tell us the reasons behind why she needs an IVF but this is not important to us to know.

There are 2 possible reasons for the IVF.

1. She is unable to have children naturally or

2. You are unable to have children.

Now, having to resolve to go through IVF is a very important step that involves a lot of emotional imbalances. The fact that she distances herself from you could be because she blames you for having to undergo that procedure but also, IVF is known to fail more often than not and is a burden on the finances.

Perhaps that you 2 should seek the assistance of a specialist that could help you go through these difficult times.

[LukeMac]

She is unable to have children naturally and has always wanted children and at her age she felt now was the best time.

[SueShe]

If your girlfriend is in the same age group as you are, then it might be an issue with greater risks for genetic problems, given that her fertility is on the decline and that your sperms are also not top notch anymore.

My presumption is that she knows that there are risks involved with this IVF and that she is worried if not scared and that causes her to be anxious. The consequence could be a lack of communication and apprehension and that could be the reason she acts cold and distant.

Talk to her and try to take her apprehensions away. Good luck.

[abedheadstory]

Personally, I believe your relationship is too fresh to be planning out a pregnancy this soon, but that's only because you two are only six months into getting to know one another. Making a decision of that magnitude requires knowing each other on a deeper level, and understanding each other's expectations and goals in life. It also requires trust in each other that is built over time. Which is typically 3 years after getting to know one another, according to science. Ultimately, it is up to you and your partner to decide if and when you want to start a family. However, taking the time to really get to know each other and build a strong foundation is essential to having a successful relationship. Creating a strong relationship is like building a house. It takes time and effort to lay a solid foundation, but when you do, it is strong and reliable and can withstand anything that comes its way. Including emotional distancing.

[sheikalana]

You know IVF can be a tough journey for women. It's very intense and your body goes through a lot of changes and they're "playing" with your hormones. Be supportive of her and address her needs but also sit with her and explain to her how you feel and how her behavior makes you feel too. If the plan is to having a child together you guys need to be able to communicate to each other openly cuz when that child comes things don't get easier. Best of luck and I hope God blesses you with a perfect baby.

[California_Poppy]

Will you be raising this child with her?
Maybe she's disappointed that it's not something that you guys are doing together (your sperm) and that is making her feel a little emotionally distant from you.

Other than that, yes, I have heard from my sisters that the hormones affect their moods, and that after a few failed attempts, it gets emotionally exhausting for them.

[LukeMac]

Yes I will be involved in the child’s upbringing, but we didn’t feel after only 6 months of dating having a child together was right for us.

[midnightcavern01]

Oh I definitely understand this. she's pumped full of hormones and feeling more vulnerable than she probably ever has in her life. You're relationship is fresh so is lrinanly feeling insecure that you'll stick around and so she feels the need to distance herself so it doesn't come as a shock

[_Maya_]

I dunno even what the question is. What do you want answered? How did she change? Maybe you aren't being as supportive as you think. Not a lot of details in the post so not sure how to help.

[LukeMac]

I was trying to get some understanding of the emotional effects of ivf and if the additional hormones could be the reason she is distant and unpredictable

[_Maya_]

Yeah. It definitely could. Hormones do crazy things. I had to try a few birth control pills before I found one that didn't mess with my mood.

[LukeMac]

She had said today it’s the touching, kissing and affection she doesn’t want as she is hating her body and feels unattractive! Is this common when hormones are being ‘altered’. I know these seem odd questions but I’ve never been with a girl whose mood is so different due to hormones.

[_Maya_]

It definitely can happen. I don't know the feeling personally other than from trying different birth control pills until I found one that worked for me. A couple of them really made my mood change for the worse.

[Anonymous]

You have a girlfriend who is having ivf with some other guy's sperm? Why don't you just have sex and get her pregnant? Or use your sperm in the ivf?

[LukeMac]

Did you read the question? I have been dating her for 6 months, I think that is irresponsible to have a child together in such a short space of time. Her desire to have a child is crucial to her future and unfortunately she hasn’t found a person she wants to have a child with, I currently include myself in this. Her inability to conceive naturally is also a factor.