Have you ever realized the thing you've been chasing for happiness is actually the thing making you miserable?

[Anonymous]

I've been chasing happiness in a relationship with a girl for the last few months (well really for the last 8 years). Thinking she's my ticket to what I need in life.
Getting closer to 30 hasn't helped, thinking I need to find a girl and settle down before it's too late.
But I've come to realize that I'm not in the right state of mind to be in a relationship, and the further I get in with her, the deeper and deeper I dig myself into the depression I thought she was my way out of.

What I'm truly missing in life is purpose. I'm not the man I want to be and I have a lot of work to do on myself to get there. My drive toward a loving relationship has taken away my drive toward something truly greater.

This isn't some sort of MGTOW thing or anything like that, it's just the truth. I have nothing against women and it's not her fault.
This is just what I've come to understand about myself, and maybe it can speak to some of you in the process.
Relationships are nothing until you've worked on your relationship with yourself first.

Good night y'all

Updates

10 mo

Not once did I say it's anyone's fault but my own. That was kind of whole point. I shouldn't have expected anything less on this app lol

[jennifer_bloom]

What I realized is a lot of the times I think I want something but I don't actually want it, I just want the obstacle that is blocking me from getting it to be removed.

Like my reputation was tested because of some gossip and I came up with a very easy plan to fix my reputation and get my friends back but once I came up with the plan, I realized, I did not value these people and would not want their friendship if they suddenly decided to talk to me again. It wasn't their friendship I wanted, it was the obstacle to having those friends that I wanted to be removed.

I remember being ignored at a church I visited and trying hard to fit in and once these people agreed to be my friend and stop making me prove myself since I was new, I realized I did not want to be friends with a lot of the people I used to chase down for friendship because they were uneducated.

[California_Poppy]

I'm sorry for your situation. I do hope that you can both find happiness.
If separation is inevitable, I would just encourage you to do it sooner rather than later. I'm not sure if you have spoken to her about it or you plan to, but maybe you should. Maybe it will help her understand? Maybe she is feeling a similar way? Regardless, I'm sure she is picking up on something going on with you so it might help to work together to try to figure out the best way to move forward.

[Travi186]

The problem is you thought adding another person into your life was the key to happiness when in reality YOU are responsible for that.


Its a harsh truth but it is not someone else’s responsibility to bring you happiness. And its not fair for anyone to carry that burden for you either.


If you lack purpose, ask yourself what do you want your life to be? What can i do to make it happen? Where do i lack? What am i doing that is preventing me of achieving what i want? You have to mean it and be honest with yourself. Make a plan and go from there.

[Asker]

This is literally what I said lol.
You people are blind

[Travi186]

Fair. Re read your statement. Dont really know what the endgame you wanted to achieve out of that but fair

[Anonymous]

To be honest with you, the problem is you and that you are not appreciative of her. Let another man take your spot that won’t make up excuses for why you can’t love her and that she make you feel miserable.

[Asker]

As I said, it's not her fault and I'm not blaming her.
But I knew someone would say that

[Anonymous]

Why you had to chase her? What’s happening inside of your relationship where you’re not happy.

[Asker]

That wasn't really my point. It's a me problem and I won't be happy in any relationship.
You guys are dumb

[Opinion Owner]

She got any kids? why would you disappoint her like this