If you suddenly got rich, would it change your relationship with others?

[Sun_Kim-Ai]

A year after his death, my father's will has been made known to us, and I'm poised to inherit roughly the 47% of his declared worth, without counting his mansion and an array of properties, financial stocks and other assets.

It was unexpected, I'm getting way more than my sibings and while my wife and I were already well-off, but this is launching us on a whole new dimension. I expected some backlash from my father's widow, but she said she already knew and she's just fine with what she got.

When I asked my wife what are we going to do with this new wealth she said nothing because it's up to me, she only expects that part of it to be used for our children but otherwise she never asked me anything. However she also said she wouldn't like for us to "live like millionaries" and she'd prefer if we kept modest.

My mother first joked that I am her "golden eggs laying goose", but now she got cool with me and we aren't speaking much. She just took a short vacation with a friend and won't pick up my calls.

Updates

10 mo

I have to say that in my experience, I'm more worried than excited.
On paper I know how to handle this kind of sums and assets, but in reality I have no experience, and all the big money were given to me and/or handled by my father.

I'm afraid I'd squander it all and for now we've decided to keep it hush as to not draw less than positive attention.
It's also affecting things with my wife to a certain extent.
Not arguing, but she keeps stressing it's my money to handle and not hers.

Updates

10 mo

I wish to thank everyone on this thread who gave me solid advice and pitched in.
One of the first things we are doing is assembling a team of lawyers, accountant, qualified tax and investment advisors to administrate and regulate all the assets.
At the same time we are also already setting up a succession plan - will and trust funds - for my children and my wife in case something happens to me.

I won't quit my public office job and my wife will keep working in her butchery and meat plant.

[crossdressingrihno]

OK I’m just gonna give you some advice.


First, you should lawyer up.
I hate to say it, but when you just instantly come into wealth, one of the first things you want to do is get a lawyer. The lawyer Isn’t, just so that way you can protect your assets from people trying to take it from you it’s all so that way you can learn how to protect your assets from yourself.


You should also get a financial advisor of some kind.


Now here’s the big thing make sure your lawyer and financial advisor are strangers people you’ve never met before. OK these are people who you don’t know who your family don’t know.
Next, don’t tell your family who your lawyer is or who your financial advisor is do you want to make sure that those professionals stay as far away from any of your relatives or friends or whatever as possible because otherwise bad things happen and you’ll go from having all that money to owing a lot of money like more than you actually got from the whale you could go into that it’s a potential outcome is the most severe most evil outcome possible but it’s a very possible thing and it’s happened to a lot of people.


Next, if the mansion has some form of sentimental value like it used to be a family home or it was really important to your dad or something like that then keep it, but if it doesn’t have sentimental value of any kind, sell it and quickly.
If the mansion has sentimental value, then move into it and sell the home you’re currently living in. Either way it’s better for one of the homes to go. Unless you’re not afraid of taxes, because yeah, both of those properties will get taxes but then again another option is you rent out one of those places.


Anyways, it could be beneficial to you if you opened three savings accounts if possible.
The first savings account will be legal funds.
The second savings account will be emergency funds.
The third account will be family funds.


Legal funds will go into managing your property and estate.
Emergency funds will go into if you have a heart attack suddenly or your wife gets pregnant and you need to put money for the medical bills as well as any other essentials.


The family funds will be for things like vacations or buying stuff for your new baby or your child’s college funds or something like that. It’s just something to keep just in case you run into something that’s not a medical emergency or a legal problem.


Now here’s the reason why I suggest keeping these things separate.
It’s much easier to limit your self and thus keep track of money though it will cost more money in the long run to manage three savings accounts, but then again, you did stumble into wealth and giving you probably gotten yourself a financial advisor. You’re probably safe and not gonna run into debt anytime soon especially since you’re also lawyered up.




Next, make sure you don’t just start giving out money.
There’s a fine piece of literature it’s meant for children but I’m sure you could find a lot of use out of reading this book. The book is called if you give a rat a cookie.
That is basically what is going to happen with your money if you start giving it away so don’t do it. It’s safer to be a tight, fisted grinch when the guy who goes into debt because people started getting greedy.


The last bit of advice is to invest into a property or a business.
You have a golden opportunity to potentially get a bit of passive income, and that passive income could save you some day.
Just remember, whatever route, you decide to go down for passive income remember to manage it well and to not invest in something stupid like cryptocurrency, or some other kind of fad investment.

[midnightmoon05]

If you give a mouse a cookie, he will ask for a glass of milk.”
Next he will ask for a straw. Love that book.

[crossdressingrihno]

Yes it’s a good children’s book and it certainly has sagely wisdom.

[midnightmoon05]

Indeed. I’ll read that story to my class tomorrow. Last day of work. What’s the lesson of the story. 👍

[crossdressingrihno]

People will take advantage of your courtesy.

[midnightmoon05]

Let’s see if my first graders will get it. If not, I’ll tell them they will get left back 😂

[crossdressingrihno]

Don’t traumatize the first graders XD

[midnightmoon05]

Last day of school... my turn to be the whiny student hahhahaa...

[crossdressingrihno]

Your evil and I love it XD.

[midnightmoon05]

I learned from them!!!

[crossdressingrihno]

You should hide a random Easter egg in the classroom and see if anyone notices it.

[BLP11520]

No, my current friends I would keep

[crossdressingrihno]

No money can corrupt quite easily.
You never know who your friends are until you become dirt, poor and until you get into money.

[midnightmoon05]

I do every year!!! Its so fun... :)
Tomorrow, they will get bubbles and chalk and some other goodies.

[crossdressingrihno]

That’s so sweet.

[RingOfFire]

I'm a financial expert and wealthy myself. I have been managing my own portfolio and other large portfolios for decades. It is a full time job. So you are right to have trepidations. My advice is to find a trustworthy, licensed, well credentialed and competent financial advisor and have them manage your portfolio, especially if you are not well versed in the kind of asset management you will need. Otherwise you will be taking on a very time consuming and stressful job and probably won't have much time for anything else.

Also, it is a plus that you are married. I have spent a good portion of my life as a single man trying to figure out if the women I date like me or my money. It's hard not to be paranoid.

[Sun_Kim-Ai]

Thank you for your opinion and insight.
I will surely do as you say, because alone I would surely commit some mistake.

I have been lucky that the woman I married was way before anyone of us knew I'd be in my father's will (I wasn't in it until two years ago), so she didn't want me for money.
She was actually the "rich one" and she was the one paying my bills back in 2019.

[RingOfFire]

I think that is a wise choice. Choose your advisor very carefully. Suddenly inheriting large sums of money can create many problems in relationships with both friends and family. I have seen even great marriages go bad. The trick is to remember who you are and why you are together. Money can come and go, but love is eternal.

[RingOfFire]

Be careful with the professionals you hire. There are plenty of crooked or unethical lawyers, accountants and financial managers who will take more of your money than the scammers and thieves do. Best bet is to try to find out who other wealthy people use and get plenty of references before giving ANYONE access to the money.

[Sun_Kim-Ai]

That's what we did.
My sister's husband is from the biggest family of meat producers in our country, and his father advised to me some of the professionals that his family has been using for decades.

[RingOfFire]

👍
...

[EmyyWolf]

Yes, it changes everything. Because people are egocentric. People are needy, and selfish. People are money hungry, and self absorbed.

You need to be smart. Do not tell a single soul, and make sure those who know, don’t go around telling anyone either.
Thats what anyone should do the moment they hit a jackpot or win the lottery.

You don't need the world to know. And some people could hunt you down for that. Specially those who know you. Family members and friends will kiss your a$$ in hopes of making you share.

BE CAREFUL. YOU DONT NEED TO GIVE NO SIMPLETON SHT 🫵

If you received that, it’s probably because God wants you to have it. Be smart. Keep working your normal job. Don’t quit your jobs or any of that BS. Behave and conduct yourself as casual as you can. Don’t go around spending insane amounts on rags and trinkets from malls 🤦🏻‍♀️. On damn fake boobs that’ll go to waste one day, on damn brands that nobody give a SHT about.

Spend money the smart way, buying only what you need. The bare necessities. You don’t want family or friends asking you how you bought such and such. You could buy 3 cars, just don’t buy those insanely expensive cars. You could just have 3 GOOD NEW CARS. That’s all you need.

Use your intellect. Use money to make more money. Cause if you just go around spending money, it’s just gonna run out like any amount of money. Purchase properties and rent them out to people. Purchase apartments and rent them out.
Learn how to invest, Learn crypto currency. Learn about Bitcoin and all that. Save that money and grow more money. You and your wife won’t last forever. Keep that as generational wealth.
Learn how to grow a business. You could even buy land and have a farm. Then you could sell products. You could grow food as sell that too. You could purchase land somewhere cheaper and better like a different country. Just do your research. Learn.

I just don’t think you Father left you all that so you could go around on Jets, and traveling to some stupid ass places. And purchasing 50K snake skin purses 👛. Going to some super expensive restaurants 🤦🏻‍♀️ Im sure if he saw you from the afterlife being stupid with his money, he’d be upset. 😒

BE SMART!! ‼️‼️

I see you’re 25. You’re my age. You’re young. I know when we’re young. We can be stupid sometimes and foolish. Be better. True wealth is HEALTH. Don’t focus on these material BS that you can’t even take with you to the afterlife. Focus on being good, focus on your health. Keep money as a “help or protection” as a “support”. And when you pass all that down to your sons and daughters once you leave this earth. Make sure you leave them with the same message to be smart with money. To not focus on this material World. Focus on your health. Because with health, is how you’ll see your grandchildren growing up. Family matters, Health matters. Not these BS physical products that perish with time.
You can buy all the material BS in the world. You can’t buy time.

It seems your wife is a good smart woman. So she should understand this too. @Sun_Kim-Ai

[Xoxocutekitty]

Yes.

I've found in the three years that I've successfully gotten my own raises (more than doubling my income in 4 years) in addition to "marrying up economically," I've cut several friends who quite frankly have poor money management skills and unhealthy lifestyles.

I am no longer interested in spotting a friend for a fancy meal if I know they drop $100 on weed/cigarettes a week. I don't want take a friend for drinks, if everytime they're going to complain about their unhealthy relationship. I'm in my late twenties, and what worked when you were 21, doesn't work now.

While 3 years isn't overnight - I can also imagine that if I were to triple my income again tomorrow or be in a space where work was optional, that would be a large lifestyle adjustment and my daily interests and social group would change. I would not lose ALL my friends, but I do think it would affect how and who I spend my time with. I would definitely lose a few more, but then again, I might lose a few anyways because that's the whole process of growing up and finding out who your real friends are.

[AmandaYVR]

I think it would probably make me more carefree, upbeat, and though it wouldn't change my behaviour with strangers, with friends I would be very generous. I imagine there'd be some trips, and some gifts going to and fro.

That's about it. I'd go shopping, upgrade some deferred maintenance stuff, but I'd behave about the same. Except I might as well treat people to meals out, etc.

It would be fun.

But it's not happening, so I don't spend any time in unrealistic hypotheticals.

[ZXCwWRQWz]

I was about to type a very long-winded but less articulate answer which was practically identical.

[AmandaYVR]

@zxcwwrqwz Aww that’s nice. 👉 👈

[AmandaYVR]

by the way, congratulations on your windfall. (Sorry it came at the cost of a loved one.)
I can't advise you except to be very, very, very careful whom you hire to be your advisors, investors, etc. Their credibility and history is key. I would be terrified to put that amount of trust in someone. There have been many stories of them absconding with large sums of other peoples' money. Perhaps hiring a team, and checking their advice against one another, will be the answer.

And learn to become good at saying no when long lost acquaintances come out of the woodwork. That is its own sort of stress.
True friends cared for you before they knew.

[Sun_Kim-Ai]

Thank you.
Naturally we are deeply scrutinizing whom we are drawing on board.
Some professionals are retained from my father, others come from qualified settings - my sister's father-in-law is one of the biggest meat producers of the country and advised me on some of the professionals that his family has been used for decades.
That, and I'll personally check every going-on, and I will have audits run from third parties periodically.

We are keeping it hush too. We were wealthy before so we knew who was with us sincerely and who wanted something, but the possibility always stands. My wife even asked me my permission to inform her parents.

[AmandaYVR]

Sounds... sound. Especially the audits from third parties.

By the way, I thought your wife was a nurse. "I won't quit my public office job and my wife will keep working in her butchery and meat plant." ?

[Sun_Kim-Ai]

She actually quit nursing in 2021 to work in her family's deli company.
She gets to pick her hours and simply found out being a nurse wasn't for her after the pandemic.

[OlderAndWiser]

It might change my relationship with my employer; we are personal friends, but I could at least partially retire and have more time for personal pursuits. I would contribute a tithe to my church and then tell all others who ask that I handle all my charitable contributions through my church. My friends would not see any change in my behavior, except that I might offer some assistance if it was genuinely warranted.

[Pinay_ako]

It won’t change my relationship with others. Coz I won’t be bragging about it and I’d help out financially those family members and strangers who need it the most in silence

[mobiusforniner]

Rich... is a relative term. My brother in law makes a six figure salary, buys lots of useless junk, but has tons of debt, lives paycheck to paycheck, pinches pennies and has a very bitter and pessimistic perspective on life. For him, money is important.

I also make a six figure salary. Own a home. Drive an old and simple car to work. I invest much of my savings. Take my family on lavish vacations. Invest in kids sports, music and activities. Enjoy participating and contributing to local community events. I learn new skills and hobbies. I feel fulfilled, happier and optimistic. For me, time is important.

Being rich has nothing to do with how much money you have and everything to do with your perspective on life.

[EmyyWolf]

@Sun_Kim-Ai 👆👆👆👆
This here! If you ever do choose to spend some money. Spend it on learning something useful. Learn martial arts. Learn piano. Learn a new language. Learn a sport. Learn how to hack a computer. Learn Scuba 🤿 Diving.
That’s what I would do. Even I with my average poor ass self I got into firearms and into swimming. If you travel, go to places that really matter. Go to places that you’ve always dreamed on going.
I for example have always dreamt of doing this with my lover. I Im planning to next year.


Like I said the things that matter are:
MEMORIES 💭
WISDOM 📖
HEALTH 🏃
FAMILY 🏠

[midnightmoon05]

At this point of our lives.. me and my siblings/families…(I have the lease…still…more than most people)…we often discuss ways to teach our children/nephews/nieces…how to handle money…
we too are struggling a bit with how to handle it on our own…so that the wealth we build continues through the future generations.

my second husband is helping me but he is struggling … I prob. need my other sister to help because she handles large sum for her boss so she has more experience.

relationship with others…families, we are still very close. Husband…we work as a team. He moved some money into two different accounts…I just shared…to be careful next time.

[midnightmoon05]

Update…excellent!!

[BoopBoopBeep]

I've been worth a "not insignificant" amount of money three times in my life. When it looked like I may be checking out I got rid or most of it. When I had more than I needed I got rid of most of it. I had to work for it those times. If it happened "suddenly" I'd probably do the same thing. It comes, it goes, I want to do things with it that make me happy. It'll outlive me that way. I know a little more about planning now, so I would do it differently, sure, but I don't regret it earlier.

[Lynnalove]

usually when people are rich they have different mindsets and they developed more so it's natural to lose the vibe with your old friends bc they're not on the same energetic frequency as u , as I started to elevate myself I had to say goodbye to my old friends bc they were in a different stage and in a different mindset , so yeah I would change my rltp with others bc why would I stay with people that aren't elevating me in any kind of way? usually poor mindset people always complain and give out negative energy why should I surround myself with these type of people? I t's not bc of the money that made rich people change but it's bc of their mindset and energy , they surround themselves with people who serve for higher purposes

[RavVid]

Wills can cause a lot of family grief and you might be expected by your siblings to pay for stuff particularly if they have children. So be prepared for that. Sounds like your mother is already on that path.

Perhaps a way of dealing with potential sibling demands is keeping as much as possible in longer term investments so it is not possible to be piggy bank. Still it is not worth having if you don't get something out like modest travel. So I still think you should some things. 2 star hotels are perfectly good you don't need 5 star.
Your wife has good grip, so you are fortunate there with her modest living

[Miristheiss]

Maybe, to the people that I just sort of know or they are mild acquaintances or my more extended family. I'd pull back and be more of a recluse from them. I'd keep the really, really close friends and family but I know leeches and hangers on would crawl out of the woodwork wanting money from me so I'd drop off the scene for the most part. Plus I'm sure I'd move and travel a lot. I'd change my number and I'd have new addresses and I'd not give that info to most of them.

I'd give a lot of gifts to friends and family and I'd donate a lot to charity and church but I woudn't make myself available for all of these people who just sort of know me or these distant cousins and distant aunts and uncles wouldn't have access to me to be bombarding me with money requests.

[chicosuave]

yes of course it will change. it will change if they are asking for money. then the relationship will be ruined. the hardest part will be getting rid of them. I would not give a dam penny to my friends because if i was poor i wouldn't give them any money either. also dont spoil them either. you can pay for lunch or dinner but only when you want to and out of generosity. also start finding wealthier friends and stick with them because you will live in the same world views. Also once someone knows you are super rich, then envies will come from your friends and family and they could really expect something from you which you dont owe them anything. I think most rich people stick with friends of the same class.

[D_Bone_Steak]

I would just hide it like the millions I already hide. Ask me for some money and I'll tell you I'm broke. I think the people that get fucked up by sudden riches are people with egos.

Having no need for people to like you is a blessing in my opinion. I would buy some hookers though... that shit goes hard.

[Singing_Hollow]

Well it shouldn't change how you treat people, however it might change how people treat you. Money is Evil and brings out the worst in people. As long as you stay level headed and not flaunt it then you'll keep the respect of others but having a lot of money could also show you who your real friends are.

[DermalPunch]

Yes. People say mo ey cha ges people but more often it is the people's perception of the people with money that changes. They suddenly feel entitled and expect things and project their resentment and envy in the form of feeling owed. Some people may grow miserly and arrogant. This happens as well.

[Jamie05rhs]

Let it me know if you need a financial counselor. I'd do it for free. (No joke. I'm bored and I have no life. You'd be doing me a favor.)

[Jamie05rhs]

But to answer your question, of course it would change things. I'd have a lot of two-faced backstabbers crawling back to me like the snakes they are.

[Sun_Kim-Ai]

lol
Yeah, same for me. That's why I want to keep it hush and only a few people IRL know about it.
Wife asked my permission to tell her parents, and I consented.

[Jamie05rhs]

@Sun_Kim-Ai Makes perfect sense. I don't blame you at all.

[SolitarySolace]

Well if I were to suddenly come into a whole lot of money, women would definitely treat me differently. I mean, if they knew a lot the money they’d want to be around me all the time because that’s all they want is money. Good thing I only have male friends and if they happen to have a girlfriend I’m friends with them too.

[PragmaticProfit]

Go to a fee-based fiduciary financial planner who has a lot of experience and network. Make this a priority. The statistics and data shows that people who inherit these large sums of money typically lose it all in a year.

[DizzyDesii]

No and I also would not tell the person about it unless we were at least engaged

[provokeesmokee]

Lawyer up, and find an estate planner specializing in family matters. Preferably one versed in mediation.

A paid professional, and a way to protect yourself from this incoming wealth, will go a long way.

[electromagnetic]

Oh absolutely.
I know for a fact if I got rich, I’d play my part and I’d play it well. 🤭 everyone gets cut off🤣

Either or, it means your dad loved you and wanted to make sure you and your family are best supported after his passing.

[Rouba99]

Yes , from where I live I’m not actually surrounded by good people unfortunately and when I have the opportunity I will brag about it to make them suffer, then I will cut everybody off my life and live so far away or maybe build a project that takes over the area to make them suffer more