My wife is negatively stuck on the past, I am trying to focus on the future. What can I do to help her to forgive/forget the past and focus on future?

[JohnnyA062023]

My wife has moved back in with her parents. Every time I try to talk to her, she is focused on happened in the past and only wants to talk about the past. The additional thing is, the way she remembers the past is wrong and she is just focusing on the negatives - including things that were positive, but she turned them into a negative and some things which didn't even happen. I am trying to focus on the future of us trying to do everything together positively. I've asked her to forgive and forget the past, I've apologized (even when I know I am not in the wrong), but still she focuses on negatives and has forgotten everything positive that we have done together.

What can I do to help her to forgive/forget the past and focus on a positive future?

[California_Poppy]

Are we talking infidelity? How recent was this event?

Infidelity is an incredibly difficult thing to forgive someone for. It's a HUGE ask of someone. It will take time. You will have to be patient. Not saying you are doing this, but you also can't pressure or guilt someone into moving past it faster. It's not fair.
All you can do is to try your hardest to earn her trust back and help her feel secure.

That being said, if it has been a really long time since this event, and it is still consuming her, you (and her) may have to accept that even though she wants to forgive you and move on, she might not actually be able to.

I agree with the others that you should really consider counseling. A third party can help her work through her feelings and understand how she can move forward.

[_Maya_]

That really depends on what she is stuck on. How big of an issue is it? I see you say that you don't think it should be a problem but she might not view it the same way if she is still holding onto whatever it is. You need to give some details about what it was for anyone to help. Some insight into what she is holding onto would help figure out how maybe you can help her get over it.

[JeffersonA]

You can't sadly like you said she is stuck only one who can help her are friends family and a therapist.

Soon this happen to a friend she never recovered and eventually died from just being stuck not able to live.

[LiamJHayden]

Too vague. If you cheated on her or abused her, or if she thinks you did, you might want to let her go and cut your losses. Otherwise you might end wasting years or decades.

[BoopBoopBeep]

A boatload of therapy or cut your losses and move on. Time goes on. She has to as well.

[boobliker]

the future is what is to come the past has gone you can't do anything about it it's gone