Caught him on dating app?

[Anonymous]

I was with my partner last night at his home. I noticed he had bumble in his recently used apps. He denied using it and said he had been banned. However he was getting notifications from the app. Today we broke up after he said he couldn’t handle the fact that I could not trust him. He later said he wasn’t sure if he really had feelings for me. He also accused me of reporting him on tinder and hinge (i don’t even use hinge or dating apps in general) and then also used the defense that my friends don’t trust him either and that he can’t be with me because no one trusts him. I’m horrified shocked and disgusted. He even said that me taking his phone was sneaky and that because I had taken it, I would not be seeing him again. (He let me have the phone to change the song we were listening to) Which was fine, lmao. So i guess my question is, should i feel bad?

[OlderAndWiser]

1. Did you not trust him BEFORE you looked at his phone? Should have broken up with him ealrier if you didn't trust him.

2. You took his phone to change the song and then started snooping? The fact that you found something doesn't make it okay to not respect his privacy.

3. His response is just a cover up because he doesn't want to admit that you caught him.

[Asker]

1. i did. 2. so i was on the home screen and accidentally swiped up which showed notifications. i didn’t open the app or anything else except the music app

[OlderAndWiser]

When this happens, it is extremely rare that it occurs as a result of an accident, so understand that most people won't believe you.

The only reason for you to feel bad is that you - apparently - misjudged his character and his level of commitment to you. How can you avoid making this mistake again, short of never trusting another man?

[Asker]

ummm thanks…? how about we not victim blame.

[OlderAndWiser]

I didn't blame you for his misconduct. I thought you might want to learn something from the experience; my mistake!

[Fireguy17]

Sounds like he was trying to shift the blame on you when it clearly him that was at fault.
Don't fall for it and move on.
You will be better off in the long run.

[Asker]

I don't know why everyone is telling me it’s my fault.

[Fireguy17]

It isn't, don't worry about it and move on.
That is the best part about an ex.
You no longer have to give a crap.
They are no longer relevant in your life.

[ShesRad80]

the trust on both sides gone, doesn't sound like you two are or were a good match. feel bad about what? did you actually accidentally hit something to change song or snoop accidentally on purpose? at this point its irrelevant, whats done is done.

[Asker]

i swear it was an accident. it wasn’t like i was snooping through anything. i trusted him.

[ShesRad80]

so then look at it as a happy accident, how you saw him for who he really was, a snake

[Asker]

thanks. i’m just over being blamed

[ShesRad80]

i say move on happily and good riddance.

[Jazzy54]

For him to even have dating apps on his phone while in a relationship is big red flag itself. He was lying to you.

[BoopBoopBeep]

You two are toxically incompatible. Better now for both of you.

[Asker]

this wasn’t the first time he had been on the apps, unfortunately.

[Asker]

and i didn’t even take his phone, he handed it to me. I don't know how i’m the toxic one. i didn’t even snoop, it was right there.

[BoopBoopBeep]

I didn't say you were. I didn't say he was. I said you two (together) are.

[sheikalana]

Don't feel bad. Thank God he's out of your life now.

[msc545]

Hr got tired of you monitoring him constantly. I don't blame him at all.

[Asker]

tf are you talking about i never monitored him to begin with. wtf?

[msc545]

He thinks you did.

[Asker]

uhhhh okay?

[Anonymous]

No. You dodged a bullet. Sounds narcissistic in a way trying to lay all the blame on you.

[LiamJHayden]

Whether he was cheating or not, the trust is gone so it is best to move on.

[Anonymous]

wow you really are blind he was using the app to pick up other women to have sex with them hoping you wouldn't know about it he was never going to tell you about that app

[WhitneySnow]

No. He was probably cheating on you.