My boyfriend never apologizes after arguments, what should I do?

[Gaiya88]

My boyfriend and I have been together for over 4 years now, and he has never apologizes or have ever apologized after an argument. I would find myself just sitting in silence and always replaying the arguments in my head. Then I would feel bad for the things I say and the take accountability for not having better self control. I would go and apologize to my boyfriend, sometimes the next day or some hrs after our disagreement and identify where I went wrong so he knows how much I mean it. The problem is that he never apologizes first, even after I do he never apologize. This is upsetting because he claims to cares about me but he never shows me how sorry he is in a meanful way. He would come years later and apologize for something that doesn't even need an apology, which really frustrates me. He doesn't listen to me when I express myself, and he tries to control the way I talk to him and my level of frustration during our arguments. This seems to be his only focus during our disputes because he never tries to address what I am telling him, rather he comes with a rebuttal. I am at my wits end and don't know what to do about this. What do you think is the issue?

[msc545]

Like most men, you boyfriend thinks that if he apologizes it is an admission that he was wrong, and believes that if that happens he looks weak. This is mostly a problem that men have although I've known a few women that also had it.

It is maddening. It is also almost impossible to change. A lot of these guys had/have fathers who are /were the same way.

[Gaiya88]

He does have Daddy issues and I am done trying to help him solve his!

[msc545]

thanks for MHO

[Gaiya88]

No problem, your advice is much appreciated 😊🙏🏽

[Truthatanycost]

'I am at my wits end and don't know what to do about this.'

When people say they don't know what to do about this, often what they really mean is 'they don't want to commit to doing what needs to be done about this'

I have a rule that I won't allow anything toxic in my life. Do you have that rule?

[Gaiya88]

I recently have developed this rule, I am done with all of the nonsense, I can do way better, is what I tell myself!

[Truthatanycost]

Having and enforcing strict boundaries keeps life very simple. Being able to say no will save you a lot of trouble in life. What is happening with the boyfriend now?

[Gaiya88]

He has suffers from a condition that makes him feel like there are thousands of needles being stuck into his skin. It gets triggered from stress he says, and so he doesn't last long working high stress jobs or jobs that requires him to answer to a manger etc. So right now he's doing a job that he work an hour a day and choose who he wants to work with. That way he has more freedom and flexibility. He has been suffering from this condition since he was a teenager, and I empathize with him, that is why I have been working consistently. Even though the jobs that I have to work are high stress and taxing on my body, I have had to continue working them because I can't rely on him to do what is necessary only what he says he can.

[slatyb]

You should dump him before you waste another four years with this toxic man.

[Gaiya88]

Yes I have made up my mind to move on at this point. I just got to find a way to live on my own

[slatyb]

Best wishes to you. Is there anyone who could help you with the transition?

[Gaiya88]

No I am doing this all on my own!