My boyfriend won’t stop holding a grudge I don’t know what to do?

[Cass510]

My boyfriend of four years and I have been through some tough times. During the last couple years of our relationship things have improved significantly and although we had little disagreements down the road and matured and always tried to make things right. He saw message where I called his sister a loser Was really upset felt I cross the line which I knew I had I apologize profusely but regardless a week went by and although we did have contact he was so angry. On Friday we talked and I asked if we were OK and he said yeah I guess I’m still upset, but I’ll try to get past it. I said OK and we gradually start talking on the phone and texting today I noticed he was back to being really angry I asked him what I could do to help. He said nothing, and eventually went off on me about how I was out of pocket and how he doesn’t think I deserve forgiveness. I started crying mainly due to frustration and I told him that I was really sorry and I don’t know how more sorry I could be. I told him I’ve been paying the price by not talking to him and that I knew I was wrong. I was crying so hard because I was really truly sorry but I felt like I was on death row and that I did something so horrible that I was this horrible person. I voiced this to him and I told him how he’s made me feel very horrible this whole week regardless of my apologies in my efforts, I hung up he proceeded to call me back twice I answered. He said he was gonna try his best to get past this but he can’t help how he feels. I responded with that this is a lot for me and I need a minute he said OK and I never called him back.

[GreatBigCircles]

Digging into the problem is painful, it's the relationship equivalent of breaking a bone to reset it. It isn't a guarantee that things will work out either, but you should do your best to communicate openly and honestly with him about how you feel and your anxieties (and let him know that he can share his feelings an anxieties too. A lot of guys won't' unless you make it clear that you genuinely want to understand them, and won't push them away for it). As it stands, it isn't healthy for either of you to be in a constant cycle of anger and apology.

If it ends up in you two moving your relationship to a better place or breaking it up, knowing you did something will be a far better comfort than letting more years of anxiety pile on top of each other.

[rukus88]

"I told him how he’s made me feel" I'm sorry to hear how the pain you inflicted on him is effecting you, you poor thing. You deserve to be passive aggressive and punish him for feeling feelings. YOU are why men never open.

[Cass510]

Fuck you, all I said was his sister was a loser because she left him hanging and when he drove hours to see her. I’ve apologized and told him I’m sorry so don’t give me that bullshit that it’s all my fault and I should suffer for something like that.

[rukus88]

No your just manipulating and playing games. Sounds like no one has ever held you accountable before, enjoy your equality.

[Cass510]

If you think ignoring and holding a grudge for something small like this is okay then you are the reason men are fucking single. I apologized but I should keep suffering because YOU feel it’s necessary it’s stupid. I always hold myself accountable for my actions. So fuck you and your opinion

[rukus88]

ROFL, yeah your certainly a gem, the modern western woman is a dumpster fire, that's why its girlfriend after 4 years and not wife. your just as alone as every other single woman you just don't know it yet. the reason men are single is because it isn't worth working 4x as hard as your grandfather to get a woman worth 0.25x your grandmother.

[BobLouis]

Just stay with him and complain about it to your best guy friend.

[In_Trance]

dump him