Are language differences a big problem in relationships?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend works in the country I live in. But he doesn't speak any other language than French and doesn't want to learn it. We speak other languages but my family and I can at least speak English with him and his family but they don't make any effort. I don't speak French very well either and it's going to end up in a separation. Aren't language differences really a big problem in a relationship?

[OlderAndWiser]

My fiancee is from Fujian Province of China, and her native language is Mandarin. I know only a few words of Mandarin. Fortunately, she has been in the US since 1992 and had a mediocre fluency in English when she arrived. Her English vocabulary is good but she pronounces English words as if they were Mandarin, and inexplicably, her hearing works the same way; she misunderstands some of my comments because she doesn't quite have the right pronunciation of words.

The main problem I have is that all of her friends are Chinese so whenever she is talking to them, all I hear is non-stop Mandarin, I have no understanding what they are talking about (but I assume I am the subject of at least some of the conversations,) and it is quite frustrating!

Part of our wedding ceremony next April will be spoken in English AND Mandarin.

[molonski2]

Oh hell yeah , it makes a massive massive difference , I've been though this so many times , you miss out on the subtle parts , even if they do speak reasonable English , I've now managed for the most part understand the warning signs , about things they may say , and they will just never understand detail , they just won't..

So there is always a blocking element , when things are going great its okey , but hit even a small bit of detail and you can be running into a massive problem. Its a serious big deal...

[xoxosilentgirl]

i think its crucial, it’s difficult to understand each other without a clear and comprehensive language. But i’ve heard a story that a couple that don’t speak each other’s language getting married, and they ended up communicating through google translate, couldn’t imagine , maybe for some people that’s work but yeah the key of happy relationship is communication.

[provokeesmokee]

For me, a monolinguist who is resistant to learning isn't worth dating.

I'm French-English bilingual and have learned to be conversational in two additional languages, and am learning a fifth.

Language barriers are definitely a problem, but his laziness and lack of drive to learn are the worse red flags.

[sheenagwapa]

that's why English is the international lamgiage... i think everyone even if it's a short word English far from perfect is very important because to hqve a meaningful relationship not just the SO but the family as well you mist be able to express yourself. connection starts in the language.

[Dargil]

My wife is Philippine. She speaks 3 languages and parts of two more dialects. Her English was like Hop Sing (Bonanza) when she arrived but has improved, partly due to (!) singing Videoke. She is none the less far more fluent with her friends in Tagalog and Visaya and I sometimes wish I could turn on the "subtitles" so I could know what's going on. This is not a big problem. It's just part of the landscape I chose when I brought her here.

[Marcuslrh]

If he doesn't want to make an effort to speak your language to better communicate with his partner then that tells you how invested he is in your relationship.

[madhatters4]

in short yes. i would say only the rare relationship can last when the two speak different languages.

[iseekpinetrees]

Yes one of you must give in and learn the other ones language or else why be together if you won't even put in that little effort just to communicate

[abc3643]

Not if one is using C++ or C# and the other is using C.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Huge problem, even different dialects for the same language can cause a problem.
Communication is very important in relationships.

[serious]

If it is the same case as yours then yes it can become a big problem indeed. True.

[luvstoned4him]

Yes in any relationship or friendship. I struggled to keep up with friends as well

[Wonderingguyy]

For me it would be a problem because I love talking

[Unit1]

For me its not an issue.

For the girls in my experience however it is a deal breaker.

[Shiningtempest]

Language differences are a major problem for me. Thus, I can only date a woman who speaks English.

[Anonymous]

No not really, just use a good language exchange app. Little by little, you'll quickly learn the language.

[Unit1]

Good idea