Have you ever been with a narcissist? Or lived with one?

[Leapfrog00]

I've been wanting to ask this question for a while. Last year I was living with a narcissistic aunt, which was a complete nightmare. Abusive, controlling, rude, this is how she would treat me. I've also dated girls who were narcissistic. With people like this, it's like you're walking on eggshells.

When I was living with my narcissistic aunt, she would diminish everything I did, criticize every one of my actions, would humiliate me in front of other people, would say the most ignorant remarks to me, and make me feel like a loser. Even if I am a loser, it's kind of ignorant to say it's my face, you know?

Has anyone else had experiences with people like this? I would love to hear your story.

[Ozanne]

Yes. I had a narcissistic boyfriend years before I met my husband in a long distance relationship. He was a boorish, selfish manbaby. He would have his outbursts and then cry (actual tears) that he was so crazy sometimes because he couldn't handle our distance. But in person he was just a controlling asshole. He was jealous and hypocritical. Often times, the decisions he made thinking they were justified were invasive upon me and others.

I learned later on from someone else that he behaved exactly the same way with his ex-girlfriends who lived in his city, so this lie that it was a distance-thing was meant to make me believe there was a reason for it. When he didn't get his way with me, he raised his voice and said hurtful things to me. When we weren't arguing at all, he would create a scenario to start an argument because in a sick way, he enjoyed that sort of communication, to the point where he got off when in the end I would cry.

At one time visiting him, I came down with a horrible flu and required rest and medication to be comfortable and get through it. He resented that I was needing care, which meant attention had to be given to me, and not put on him. I asked him to go to the store to get me some flu medication, and gave him a $20US bill. He came back, threw it on my head where I was lying down and pocketed the change.

One thing about him is that when he was in his early 30s, he got a 19 year-old pregnant. I knew nothing of this when we got involved because he avoided it on purpose, knowing that it was a red flag for me. Despite this, we had already gotten involved. So he had this child with this other woman. I had no kids. One night we were talking about something about our pasts and I made mention of an ex I had who was ten years older than me. He spat out the words, "That's disgusting." I said, "I was 27 at the time. He was 37. Then there's you... getting a 19 year old girl pregnant and in a relationship with when you were 33." He seemed to think that was different, as if I was merely whoring around, while he was interested in something meaningful.

So you see, there is absolutely no telling a narcissistic person anything without an argument, gaslighting, strawmanning, guilt trips, or having any real capability to see reason while they wallow in their wrongness and hypocrisies.

A narcissist will cry and argue to the ends of the earth that they are right, and everyone else has wronged them and out to get them. One other things they do which can be quite dangerous is their need for control can be out of control! He did his best to try and turn me against my own parents, good friends, and close family by badmouthing them, analyzing the things they did as being harmful to me, and kept reminding me that only he was the one who really loved me. He tried so hard to cut my connections with the people I loved most. None of it worked, and it infuriated him.

When I ended things with this bozo, it took me more than nine months out of the country to get rid of him. This is because he had my phone number, address, my friends and families' numbers, and social media connections all tied up together. He would play the prince as if he was the nicest guy in the world for all to see, and even tell people publicly: "See? See how nice I'm being, and look how she's treating me." All the while, no one knew what went on behind a closed door between us.

In my case the situation got so bad I had no choice but to call the police and file a report for harassment. I collected a myriad of evidence including recorded phone calls, voicemail messages, text messages, emails, and even post-mail letters. I changed my phone number, changed my email, and I even moved out of my apartment. It was that serious. One of the last things he said to me was that this was all my loss because he had "mailed an engagement ring to me" that I'll never get. /eyeroll

Afterward, he cried wolf with telling my friends that he had kidney failure (not true), and when no tactic worked, he then put fear into my family and friends that he absolutely needed to get a hold of me because he told them I was suicidal and on drugs (also not true, and my friends and family knew better to believe such nonsense). No tactic worked. Nothing. It was driving him bananas.

Finally after some months, I noticed something weird going on with him finding me online everywhere I went. I had a techie friend check my computer, and he found a webtracker--dated the during the time he came to visit me, which was sitting on a guest profile so as not to be found so easily. He promptly removed it for me. As soon as he did, my narcissist went through the roof making calls and emails to my friends and family warning them of how much danger I was in as a suicidal person and how he required talking to me immediately. No one budged.

Narcissists can be mildly but chronically annoying, or they can be downright dangerous. In my case, I was dealing with a dangerous nutcase. There is no helping them whatsoever. The only hope one has is to plan their exit and get out of things and never let someone so dangerous have access to them ever again.

[Leapfrog00]

That sounds really hellish what you went through. The danger these people will put you in is unbelievable, and positively shocking. I'm sure it probably wasn't easy at first to walk away, just because narcissists seem to make you believe you need them.

My aunt did the same thing, pretending she was sick and telling everybody she had a terminal illness when really she had COPD, and I doubt that affects your whole body. I mean it's a horrible disease to have, but there's a lot worse. What I can't get over is how convincing these people are with their stories. That's good that your family and friends eventually stop believing his lies because they can be very convincing and they will make every attempt to back up those lies.

Before I left the house I was staying at, my aunt poisoned my juice, and the plan was to make it look like I committed suicide, she would actually hand me pills and tell me to kill myself. When it didn't work, she resorted to more desperate attempts. The plan was to poison my juice, murder me, and set the house on fire, so it would look like I died in a fire.

So yeah, trust me I know how dangerous these people are. Seems the hardest part about getting out is finding a place to go. The economy is so bad. Living by myself now, I swear everything costs five times more.

That doesn't surprise me that your narcissistic ex-boyfriend tried keeping an eye on you. They will stop at nothing to monitor your every action and criticize that action. My aunt would often call me a dreamer because I'm a writer and I write fantasy horror, and one day she got into my computer and read some of my novels.

The control these people have, it's so unbelievable. That's good that you're far away from it now.

[Ozanne]

God that's awful. The narcissists that also have a debilitating mental illness are just too dangerous for words. Yes, they thrive on controlling and cannot handle losing it at all. I'm an independent woman and can stand my ground, and all the while, it made him nuts. He could never convince me to do something without me telling him no.

Once he gave me the passwords to his games online. (I happened to also play the same game.) I did nothing with them. He insisted that I log into them to "try out his characters". I refused. Finally after much pestering about it, I said, fine. And did. I quickly logged in, made some comments about how neat the characters were, then logged out. (You can guess what happened next!!)

Right after that he said, "Okay. Your turn." I refused. He said, "HEY I let you log into my game, what's the problem?" I said, "I didn't want to log into your game if you recall, and only did because you wouldn't let up about it." He threw this hissy fit, guilting me and making me feel like I owed him the same courtesy to allow him into my game. I knew exactly what his plan was. He wanted to check out my messages in-game and see what sort of friend list I had. I flat out refused. I had nothing to hide of course. I didn't cheat, and didn't have anything sketchy going on, but that's not the point. It was MY account, and I refused to share my password. You can imagine all the nasty things he accused me of and guilting me about. I stood my ground and told him no, and never to make me log into his shit again if it means I have to reciprocate the actions back to him, because I never will.

[Ozanne]

Anyway, this sort of treatment was a nightmare. Sad for him, I wasn't the type to be controlled, I just had a hard time getting him out of my life since he wouldn't leave my life.

He didn't want to kill me, but he did put a scare into my parents once by telling them that whatever I told them about him was DEAD wrong (emphasis on the word 'dead'). This bothered my parents, and that's what got my police file started.

They can't possibly understand the concept of letting something go. They are happy to destroy someone before they allow someone to just walk away. Oh by the way, I contacted all of my friends, family, and co-workers and boss and told them what I was up against, and should anyone receive a call from a madman saying I was suicidal and on drugs, rest assured I'm not and I'm just fine. They all were prepared. Taking the power away from someone like that also makes them lose their mind. Little by little, when they've lost their grip, they spiral out of control. He never could get that control on me and felt that I was somehow to blame for that. As if I was to blame for making his life crazy. There's so much more to this. I just don't want it to turn into a novel! :|

[mandyfire98]

Yes I dated a narcissist in College. It was one of the worst experiences ever. Turned my life upside down on and off over a year.

[shades777]

this word is usually reserved for women who can't manipulate a man for her use not by men so can't hwlp ya

[Anonymous]

My mom

[Anonymous]

Thankfully no.