Have you ever had your girlfriend or boyfriend rip you off of all your money and then leave leaving you without any savings?

[sage2021]

What did you do?

[Ozanne]

Pretty much. One of my exes was a compulsive gambler and what's worse, he had Paranoid Personality Disorder, and he thought the entire world was out to get him -- including me. (He actually thought I was an undercover cop or some kind of spy on some ridiculous assignment to keep track of him.)

Just about every month he either couldn't pay his share of the rent, or he was significantly shorting me each month -- because he'd blow his wages in the casinos -- to which I had to make up for it, putting myself in debt to buy food and necessities, and borrowed a lot of money from my family in order to pay our bills. He never seemed to really realize the extent of his selfishness or his illness, even though I reminded him of what he was putting me through.

I eventually got rid of him because what he was doing to me was killing my credit rating. I kicked him out of my place, which took him three months to actually get out. (He refused to leave.) Finally I made up a story that I had a roommate coming in and to get the fuck out. He did, and I noticed he had boxes of stuff to move out. I thought it was odd since when he moved in, he had nothing but basically his clothes and very few personal items. I checked some of the boxes to notice half of the stuff in them were MINE. I was too exhausted to fight about it. They were mostly DVDs and practical items that I could just easily replace. These items weren't his, but somehow in his brain, he thought he came into the relationship and moved in to my apartment magically with stuff. I let him keep these things, thinking if that's the final price I pay to get rid of him, so be it. Pisses me off though, because I found out later he also swiped some of my jewellery.

Anyway, it's the debt I went into thanks to his financial irresponsibility. I thought I could handle keeping us afloat but not only could I not do that, he was a bitch to me half the time with his paranoia, which ultimately made me resent doing anything for him at all. I looked after myself, got rid of him, kissed my Clint Eastwood collection, my coffee grinder, my soup bowls, soap dishes, and several other random items goodbye and then got my finances back on the mend after a few years.

[sage2021]

@Ozanne
Where are all the good guys? It seems like there are mostly jerks out there and a couple of good ones sprinkles in.
Even at my age there are just assholes to choose from. They always want to bring us down to hurt us. This last one I had topped the 🍰 cake!
When I was asleep, he would go through my whole apartment and rearrange everything in it. All my important papers all the way down to my eyebrow tweezers. I can't find anything!!
This will finally stop now - he died September 8 about a week ago. Now for sure I can't ask him where he put my things. I have to live with the mess he left me with. 🙄

[Jkgordon]

You were a FOOL to put up with this for so long

[Jkgordon]

Whoever dealt with this have them arrested that’s a con artist crook

[FunkyMonkee]

Not everything but, shortly before we broke up, we bought a Christmas present for my grandmother but she didn't have any money on her so, I paid her half and it was agreed that she'd give it to me later. she never did and, when I asked her for it, she laughed and said she didn't owe me a thing!
A few months later, I got a promo copy of a CD and we both loved it a lot. One day, a few months later, it just disappeared!! I couldn't imagine what happened to it! A couple weeks later, I went over to her place for a few hours and saw it on her desk!! Then, I saw her hide it in one of her books! I played dumb until she left the room and then went over to that book and took it back!! She MUST know that I took it back but, she never said anything, of course! Not long after that, I caught the mini bitch cheating on me and lying to me so, I dropped her like a bad habit!!

[Summeroflove]

No. But if someone feels entitled to my money. They’re dumped quick.

[MrOracle]

No, but I know a couple of guys who have - granted, they were idiots who married trash women, and unsurprisingly got taken.

I have had a girl I was (casually) dating ask to borrow money several times and didn't pay me back - spending that money on herself instead. I wrote off both the money and the girl.

I *HATE* to borrow money and in the rare cases I have to, I make it my mission to pay that money back ASAP. I hate being in debt.

But, as far as relationships go, I vet potential partners very thoroughly, so I haven't really had this problem very often.

[ArrowheadSW]

@MrOracle What is your vetting process? Inquiring minds need to know!

[MrOracle]

@ArrowheadSW It's essentially just lots of conversation, asking lots of questions revolving around her morals, values, and life-goals. Those are the things that are going to matter for the survival of a long-term relationship. I'm sure you can think of endless questions on this theme, but here are a few examples:

- what are her thoughts on right and wrong, and on what's legal vs. what's moral?
- what does she think my role in the relationship should be, and what hers should be?
- does she truly understand the concepts of authority being tied to responsibility, and of cause & effect?
- what are her long-term life goals? Marriage? Children? Work? Lifestyle? Finances? Religion?

There are plenty of others, but you get the idea. You cannot just assume you know the other person's answers to these questions, or that those answers will be compatible with yours. You have to do the work to ASK and INVESTIGATE, and you must do this BEFORE you commit to a relationship, because it's too late once you're already committed.

[ArrowheadSW]

@MrOracle Ok got it. Those are things that I do look at when meeting a woman but I rarely ask those questions directly. Usually after hanging out and dating a few times I'll get most of the answers. When I was 40 I was dating a lady who was 38 and she was finishing up her 20 years in the military and she wanted to look into having children. Darn that! I wasn't on the same page and I was hoping that she would change her mind. But it didn't work out for "distance" reasons anyway.

On a different note, understanding "cause and effect" is a simple but good thing to look at!

[MrOracle]

@ArrowheadSW You would be shocked at how many people are in complete denial about "cause and effect", or "your decisions WILL have consequences, and you will deal with them, good or bad." I cannot consider a commitment to someone who isn't rational, and there are plenty of people out in the world who are not.

Ultimately, if you don't vet your partner - and while you can pick up many things passively just from random conversation, many things MUST be asked directly - then chances are you'll be blind-sided with a huge incompatibility down the road.

"I've ALWAYS wanted 8 kids (or 0 kids)!"
"I've ALWAYS planned to raise our kids to be Satanists!"
"I ALWAYS planned to have multiple partners and have never really understood monogamy."
"I was raised to believe that the woman was entitled to whatever the man earns, but my money is MY money!"

Etc.

You should think of vetting a new romantic partner like you would vet a CEO candidate for a big company - you'd want to be VERY careful who you selected, you'd want to thoroughly understand not just their vision, but also their plan for executing their vision. You'd need to ask a LOT of questions before you made an offer, and you'd need to look at their previous record carefully as well.

[ArrowheadSW]

@MrOracle Oh yeah I hear ya. One thing that really annoys me is when people reduce the things that they don't understand, down to a conspiracy. It's like saying, "I don't understand this so therefore it is a conspiracy." They could admit that they aren't well-studied in the matter. But instead they say that "it is just a conspiracy"...

On a different note with "vetting"... I met a lady at a public event and in all of two minutes I had her "excluded". She seemed friendly at first but when I asked her what kind of work she did, she said, "I'm not going to tell you"... After that she wasn't very friendly. I asked a married couple that I knew (who knew her), what was up with her. They said that she doesn't work and has a way of sponging off of her ex's... No wonder she turned away.

[MrOracle]

Yes, the vetting process can save you a lot of time, effort, and money by exposing huge red flags very quickly. Eliminating a bad option very quickly is a benefit, not a problem, but many people are unwilling to eliminate a potential partner, especially if they are physically attractive, so they get burned, AND they teach that person that their red flags aren't a problem. Everyone loses when that happens.

[Jkgordon]

You can take her to court and get your money back. Don’t allow people to do this it’s a CRIME at the end of the day!

[HateyouxD]

Yea he started scamming me and I thought he'd pay me back or something but nope peft me penniless and then some. I left him alone despite him telling me to move across the country to live with him. Yea right

[Jkgordon]

Scammers go to jail is it to late to get him arrested?

[HateyouxD]

@Jkgordon probably I'm just glad he's out of my life for good

[Jkgordon]

It’s never to late to seek help except the statue of limitations these people need to stop!

[patrick994]

No, it has never happened to me, but I remember the story of a well-known businessman in the area where I go on holiday, whose money was stolen from his bank account by his girlfriend, the girlfriend took the loot, (she had the login credentials) fled to her country and lived the good life at his expense. I don't know what happened after that.

[Subwayco]

I had my step daughter rob me after I defended her for 8 years while in prison! Nice right?

[Jkgordon]

Put her ass back in prison is it too late I mean really a prisoner robs me she’s going back home! Do you people “think”?

[sheikalana]

Nearly happened to me about six years ago. Never seen that money again in my life.

[Likes2drive]

No exactly but I was left with practically nothing except my one paycheck in my checking account when I got divorced

[BoopBoopBeep]

No, my significant others never have access to ALL my finances, and even the ones that have had powers of attorney only got there because they know better than to get stupid.

[catarecute]

why would you tell someone how much you have. don't tell them how rich you are until you are married.

[sage2021]

@catarcute
He broke into the file cabinet and that's how he found it. No one ever told him how much.

[catarecute]

ok well next time don't date a guy who looks into your stuff. dump him straight away.

[Jkgordon]

Not even they could try to murder you don’t tell them NOTHING!

[Jkgordon]

Sage “broke into” would have been a 911 call!

[Riverdog]

No but my daughters dad was a drug user so I had a hard time keeping it away from him.

[ProbablyClueless]

Thankfully, no. All the shitheads I've dated had the decency of wasting relatively small amounts of my time on the front end.

[electromagnetic]

Nope. And I hope it never happens. But it’s also probably because I haven’t any monies.

[Billlewis]

Not yet, but there's still plenty of time...

[Billlewis]

Thank you for following me, I tried to message you but couldn't, but maybe you can message me. Thanks.

[LiamJHayden]

I would not under any circumstance give a girlfriend access to any of my accounts in the first place.

[Massageman]

No, but my brother-in-law got cleaned out by his ex who went on to- sequentially- destroy the lives of four guys total (he was #2).

[Jkgordon]

She should be in jail if this is a pattern tell your brother in law this is a crime con artist lovers don’t let her get away with it like the black widow that poisons all her husbands for life insurance they go to JAIL!

[Massageman]

@Jkgordon She works smoother than an oil slick in a rain shower.

[worldscolide]

It's never happened to me.. Please tell me it didn't happen to you.

[sage2021]

@worldscolide
Yes, it just happened to me about a week ago. He broke into my locked up file cabinet. 🤢

[worldscolide]

Fml I'm so sorry.

[sage2021]

@worldscolide
I would have called the police but he died within hours of taking my stuff.
Besides, when he asked me why I am not calling the cops, My thinking was then I don't have a chance of getting it back cause he might have given it back to me. Someone in our apartment building has it.
Oh well... that's how my life has always been. I had a terrible taste of life. Just worked, went to school and raised my so and dating losers.
That's it. Thanks for listening 😎

[Fireguy17]

No. They have never had access to my money or accounts.

[exitseven]

Fortunately the only thing that ever got stolen was my heart

[Unit1]

Never. I do not expose such an attack vector to begin with.

[Unit1]

And besides I'm broke and debt free. What would they wanna steal from me anyway? 😶

[MJtheCoach]

No... people need to learn the word "NO" early on.

For more free info go to

www:milademjjay. com

[Jmmmfi4]

SHE wasn't MY GIRLFRIEND BUT YES THIS DID HAPPEN TO ME WHEN I WAS LIKE 20... IT FUCKED ME UP BIG TIME. NEVER FULLY RECOVERED.

[Jkgordon]

Wow sorry to hear that seek therapy and then maybe see if you can sue her or even have her arrested not sure of statue limitations or at best meditate with a candle for karma to get her

[Ava1993]

an ex for for her drug habit.

[sage2021]

@Ava1993
That's exactly what happened!

[whistlingwh0res]

I just think of that it's a life lesson and don't rend any money to anyone anymore

[Andres77]

Ex wife, yup.

[JosyJosy]

Nope, he would be an ex otherwise.

[Fuentes]

Nope never fk that lol

[Anonymous]

No but then I dated richer women

[eagle1951]

nope