When you choose partners, do you prioritize your choice based on how what they bring adds to your life or how what you bring adds to their life?

[caring__1]

[DaveJord]

I have heard this debate, where as men should not be concerned about what a woman brings to the table, because he needs to be honest about what he brings to the table or has to offer her.

I reject this line of thought. Yes, in the 1930s it was all about what the man has to offer, and she was to raise children, cook and clean. Well hello, its 2023... women bring a lot more to the table now days then just cooking, cleaning and having kids.

So given the legal obligations that comes with marriage, men should be very concerned about what they both bring to the table. Because now days, marriage is more of a financial commitment than anything. Because unlike the 1930s you can get divorced for any reason at any time and when you go you get 50% of everything. For me, my ex-wife never worked, and we divorced she took 800K with her. And what did she ever really offer me? Her undying faith love and support? No!!! I never got that.

So yes, long term you should be very aware of what you both have to offer and will bring into the relationship. Because long term its larger finical investment then buying a house. Long term it matters, in the short term all anyone can offer is a good time and sex. But long term it because a big deal once the fun wears off and sex drys up.

[caring__1]

Too many people focus on just one or the other. Self-centered entitled people just ask what's in it for them, while those who just focus on what they bring either present it conditionally or they set themselves up with an unrealistic view of the relationship. If a giver needs to be needed, so chooses a taker as a partner, that taker tends to bleed the relationship dry. The giver has a hard time seeing what's happening, so the more the partner demands or pulls away, the more that partner gives (in order to hold onto the relationship). That pattern results in both sides losing respect for themselves and their partner.

As you say, balance is key in a healthy relationship. We want to make sure our preferences and needs will be met while also making sure our partner's preferences and needs will be met. When people force a relationship on someone whose preferences and needs aren't met, just because that person's preferences and needs are being met, they'll end up with a dysfunctional relationship. Look at all the people on this site who want to hold onto dysfunctional relationships. Nobody wins when people hold onto dysfunctional patterns or relationships.

[DaveJord]

@caring__1 Dude, your legit... like you lived it brother!

[caring__1]

Haven't most of us?

[DaveJord]

I want say yes, but there's lots of obvious people, or those who pretend to be in this world.

[caring__1]

Change obvious to oblivious, and I'll agree with you.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Neither, I prioritize picking her based on having enough similarities to increase relatability and fun, and to avoid conflicts/disagreements.

Normally people word your question as "what to they bring to the table?" Meanwhile me when I see a partner adding shit to the table thats different from what I added to it:

I hate dis.

I made great efforts to build my life up to be exactly how I want it, and I'm very particular about it, so if she brings something new into my life other than her company and affection and pets and shared hobbies, there is a 99.9% chance I don't want it in my life, and anything I would want that isn't already here, would be an unrealistic expectation, like her being a genie or something.

[Ozanne]

My philosophy is that if your partner actually makes you want to be a better person, then you're on the right track. If you in turn do the same for them, great. Even in relationships that don't work out, there is value added that make you realize what works and doesn't work in relationships for you, and what you can learn about yourself. Every man I got involved with affected me in such a way to become the best partner I could be for my husband today.

When I met my husband, he was a profoundly decent person that he made me want to up my game so that I could be the right woman in his eyes. I had a few left over bad habits like swearing and thinking negatively about things, and he showed me right away that these were negatively affecting me and how. I in turn, helped him learn to live a little and to be more expressive with his feelings, especially when he felt bad. Together we each added value.

[caring__1]

It sounds like you focus on what will add to your partner and your relationship, yet you realize you also grow as a result of your efforts. The more we give, the more we receive. The more we take, the quicker the well runs dry. The ideal relationship is between two givers. At first, both may be confused as to who is giving and who is receiving, but, in time, you realize both of you are actually sharing. Many people assume nurturing a relationship is hard work, but it sounds like you've discovered it isn't. Enjoy the results of your effort.

[Ozanne]

I can't agree more!

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Both… I want to feel like I do for him what he does for me… It’s not what I bring or you bring… It’s imagine what we could build together🤷‍♀️

[caring__1]

Most people are single focused. It's beautiful that you see the bigger picture and care about how the choices of each impact both individuals and the relationship. It's about connection, not entitlement. Working as a team, people are able to create and nurture significantly more than either of them could do alone, expanding on the dimensions and depth within a relationship.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Exactly

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Thanks for mh

[provokeesmokee]

Both.

It's important that we both contribute and improve each other. I've been in relationships where I've been the only one striding forward and it becomes very difficult to sustain that partnership.

I think it's best - for me, at least - to find someone who brings joy and value to my life as much as I can bring to them.

Building up your partner and celebrating their successes with them is important.

[MiddleAgedClimbee]

A long time ago, I met the lady who is now my wife. I was happier with her than I've been with anyone else I had dated, and happier with her than being alone. She makes us all smile and is a good example of a caring mother and wife. I just try to duplicate that as a father and husband.

[Jkgordon]

Both it takes two of everything to bring balance I have money so the guy I’m with must have money I have a portfolio diamonds etc you too must have similar I’m not into sky daddy so the guy must be spiritual

[caring__1]

Just be clear upfront, as it's important for both to know each other's priorities. A quality asset is worthless, when the other person prioritizes something different. That doesn't minimize the person's quality asset; it merely shows this opportunity to be an incompatible match. Never take the preferences or choices of another as a judgment of you.

[Jkgordon]

I would like to add as a black American you won’t find these qualities in most of our men I noticed years ago the majority were losers and it’s gotten worse they can’t and won’t bring nothing to the table they are usually broke I’m useless losers now if you talk about other nationalities and races yes equAlity unless it’s a soulmate connection that’s rare and different o mean if a girl is a dr she should marry equivalent stay within your circle that’s life and reality

[Jkgordon]

How to correct typos anyone I’m multitasking and notice my phone decides to type whatever I’m a fast Tyler so I don’t bother to look back sorry thanks😉

[Jkgordon]

Typer* not Tyler it’s my retarded phone😡

[caring__1]

It can be helpful to type out your response on a Word document, edit it on Word, and then copy and paste it onto your app. Then, if you accidentally delete something, you can still retrieve it. It's also better at letting you know spelling or grammar may need adjustments.

[Jkgordon]

Thanks a lot

[caring__1]

You're welcome.

[LazerBean]

Well of course I picked based on how compatible he was with me and how good of a spouse he would be to me. And he did the same to me. That's how it works. Any one way and you're just going to get used and stuck with a loser user.

[midnightmoon05]

Ideally both. It has turned out that way for my second marriage. It wasn’t when I first met him lol.
now he is the best and we complement each other really well.

[Nikki1989]

I choose on what we have in common and how much I enjoy their company.

[Jersey2]

I looked for loyalty, low maintenance and a great future mom. It was great that she was stunning and I couldn’t stop thinking of her.

[LiamJHayden]

I prioritize it based upon how we get along. I don't care if she's rich or lives with multiple roommates.

[PeachesNCream98]

I want to bring my partner the greatest joy, he/she may experience.

[JamesRandiDebates]

I judge by how tight her pussy is and if she isn't too annoying.

[ChiTown33]

Both are important.

[Lokiion]

Both

[Nifrayu]

Both