How would you defend being single against someone who was judging you for it?

Question

Have you ever heard any of the following:

1. You're still single...at your age?
2. If you don't hurry up and find someone, you'll never have kids. You know (relative) wants to have some grandkids/cousins/friends.
3. Being married just completes you. You don't get that when you're single.
4. Everyone else is married or a couple, you need to find someone or you'll die alone.
5. You don't want to be a sad pathetic bachelor/bachelorette forever, do you?

How do you personally defend against people who attack you or judge you for being single at whatever stage of life you are in?

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

i'm 20, about half of my close friends are in relationships and i've definitely been asked why i don't get with anyone and the most i can do is shrug and say i don't want to because i don't think they can understand my pov - i don't know if i'm somewhere on the ace spectrum but romance honestly isn't a priority for me now, sometimes when i look at my friends in their relationships or if i'm feeling lonely i wonder how it'd be like if i had someone like that just for me, but that's all a very surface level fantasy lol - it's easier typing this than saying this in words but i don't like people enough to want to have that kind of dependence on me, for me a relationship would just be a step above a close friend and i'm particular with my close friends, i don't mind someone close to me being dependent on me but for that to happen i'd have to allow them to get close, i don't really like small talk either with strangers and i find it weird when people get with their friends because i just can't see MYSELF getting with a friend, my mind just can't connect to the romantic element, maybe it's because i lack the experience or i'm emotionally constipated or something else - i've explained this kind of thing to various people, i have 2 close single friends who feel very similarly to me which is nice to have some understanding, but it's hard to explain this to people in a relationship because it's hard for me to understand anyways - honestly, i don't need to be in a relationship to define myself and you don't have to if you don't want it, sometimes it works out sometimes it doesn't, just do what you like in life and don't let people get you down too much

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Ugh I feel you. I came from a big Asian family and at every single family gathering these family members would bombard me with questions asking when I’m gonna get married etc. I normally just go “if you want to pay for the wedding then I’ll get married tomorrow.” Or “then you better find me a decent groom first”. But it never stops, even when I’ve introduced them to my boyfriend, they still pressured me to have kids and get married lol So it’s better that you just ignore those questions tbh, just smile and nod.

ZackBan · Accepted Answer

Yeah we all hear that at one point or the other. But you shouldn't "defend" yourself, there's nothing to defend it's your life your choice.

These people disregard the fact that marriage is a big commitment, pouring resources into a shared home, bearing children which is not just a finger snap, then raising them which is not a finger snap either.

So if you do all that just to please a relative there's a serious problem. A commitment like that should be done on your own terms when you feel the time is right and the other person is the right person

Freeman403 · Accepted Answer

If someone isn't what others want them to be, the others become angry. Everyone seems to have a clear idea of how other people should lead their lives, but none about his or her own.

When someone judges you, it isn’t actually about you. It’s about them and their own insecurities, limitations, and needs.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

Defending yourself suggests that you accept the attack as being valid. Why not just respond with a comment that the other person has no right to attack you?

Sonorous · Answer

I wouldn't say anything to them. I'd ignore them. They likely don't care what I say & will just use it against me instead of trying to understand me.

LaFemmeFatale_1 · Answer

I haven’t met anyone who has judged me for that, I have only met people who were surprised I was single. But I took that as a compliment

glennos89 · Answer

Let everyone judge it the way they want, they don't know what you have a been going true to be in the position where you are today being single! So he has no rights to judge you in the first place 🤷‍♂️

-Maybe you choose to be single intentionally because off bad experiences in the past...

-It can also be that love hasn't worked out for you because you didn't meet the right one yet...

Next time instead of trying to defend yourself, throw a question back at him asking if he is perfect in every way and if not.. you tell him he should need to go fix that first before judging others 🤷‍♂️

WindAtMyBack · Answer

There is nothing to defend. Seriously, there is nothing to defend. It doesn't require any kind of response.

Even at my age I run into this. Some people are constantly trying to set me up. They don't understand or accept that I'm OK with being single.

DaySpring · Answer

Humility .  Just tell the truth and that you're trying.  Don't try to qualify to them or lie to yourself. You might have all these things wrong with you but you're trying. You're trying to change and do and be better. If people still want kick you then they must be perfect.

Billlewis · Answer

I wouldn't try to defend myself; I'd just admit that they were right.

love_conquers_lust · Answer

Ask them if they have anyone in mind. That shuts a lot of them up pretty quick.

If they call your bluff and it’s someone you don’t like, ask them if THEY would go out with their suggestion. If they use some bull shit excuse like they can’t because they’re taken or they say they would, compare it to their current spouse.

As you might have guessed, I had this conversation before. Ultimately, it’s your preference. I’ve typically responded “I don’t have to do shit.”

zagor · Answer

I wouldn't feel any need to defend myself. I may have made some bad choices at times but I don't consider that one of them. I would be like, meh, just didn't happen.

But no one ever says things like that to me anyway. Which makes me wonder - maybe it's painfully obvious why I'm single LOL.

Starrrboy · Answer

If that even happens in the first place then you should work on your boundaries.. tell them to just fuck off or maybe you can practice the art of being passive aggressive and take a shot at them.. and trust me with this type of people who just can't keep it to themselves , it's sooo easy lol

abbyjgriffin98 · Answer

I've actually never had an issue with someone judging me for being single. But if someoneasked me why I wasn't and started judging me for it, I would say, "Because I feel like it, now mind your own."

DollarBillcheapman · Answer

All we have is your age range. Not enough information to formulate answer. Why are you single? Do you want to be taken? Is it family pressure? But traditionally yes women have an earlier expiration date for reproductive viability. Most want a partner to streamline the process. You don't have to participate. But you'd be in a thought provoking minority

catarecute · Answer

i am single. i don't say anything to insulting or judgmental people because they are often mentally unstable and can't take what they dish out. i don't want to be responsible if those weirdos kills themselves.

Anonymous · Answer

I don't I could give less than a damn what someone thinks of my marital status. But I guess if I needed to I'd say "you're right I'm not married, but that also means I'm not getting divorced either. Or potentially worse in a loveless marriage". Some people who are married sometimes only wanted you to be married just so you can be as miserable as they are.

Marriage is NOT a status symbol. And those that treat it like it is are fools.

GOOSEBOY78 · Answer

id be like: AND? whats it got to do with you stickybeak? id eat a bowl water with a fork before i care about your opinon.

Sasha0426 · Answer

Thankfully, I never had this said to me before. I have very supportive friends and family. Would they be happy for me if I got married one day? Absolutely. But, they’re not the pushy kind.

jahaims · Answer

Why would I have to defend being single? If someone is trying to put me down so they feel better I would point that out then try to help them.

DextroShade · Answer

Just straight up tell them that you plan to die alone and be eaten by your cats, I promise you they will be speechless.

Extraterrestrial1999 · Answer

I wouldn't need to defend it, because it's not embarrassing. I would just say, it's not the time for it.

Juxtapose · Answer

"If you're so concerned about it why don't you help me out?"

Sparkie460 · Answer

Just say " YOU LIVE YOUR LIFE, I'LL LIVE MINE". You don't have to defend yourself to anyone

Anonymous · Answer

I have more important things to spend my time on than wasting my money and time on women.

cloud9vortex1234 · Answer

I wouldn't defend it because I wouldn't care what they think.

LivingExample · Answer

It is My Life and I have the Right to Live it anyway I want!

Tstrbrainer · Answer

Unless it's a family member, you don't even have to pretend to listen to them

Anonymous · Answer

There is nothing to defend it is what it is

Luckycharms12 · Answer

I'd say it's my choice simple

DreamLife7 · Answer

Why do you even care lol?

Anonymous · Answer

I wouldn't.

How would you defend being single against someone who was judging you for it?

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How would you defend being single against someone who was judging you for it?

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