What are your views on this situation?

[Anonymous]

So I am in a 4 year relationship with this guy. He is always busy and I hardly see him. He dosent call or text sometimes for days. He would tell me he is coming to see me then wen i call him it goes to voicemail or the phone is off. The phone has been off for a day now so I know that he is using his other phones. He has another number but I dont know it he never uses it to contact me. The number that I have he dosent uses it as often as the other one. He would tell me he wants to sex my friend after I posted her picture once. We had plans to try for a child but he didn't even show up on the days he says he's busy and thats more than one occassion. Yet he keeps pressing that he wants a child. I simply dont understand where this relationship is going.

[SueShe]

This "relationship" is toxic as it is a one-way street with no future for you.

Anyone that is in a relationship and that has the need to have a secret phone number and a second phone that the partner is not aware of or that the partner is not allowed to know is indicative of a someone that needs to hide something.

Basically, he is keeping you warm as a backup body for fornication but he never had (and never will have) the intention to have a child with you. This is an illusion. Everything in his behavior says "I am a cheater and I am not trustworthy".

Do the only right thing and that is to sever this toxic relationship. You can only lose by keeping it.

[Asker]

We actually tried a few other times and it never happened. I am strting to feel as if God spared me. He just says the worst type of things to me sometimes then blame me for my reaction through ignoring me.

[Asker]

When i text him and said he keeps disappointing me he simply read the message and didn't replied.

[SueShe]

It looks as he does these things to punish you for something and by ignoring you or your messages, he wants you to feel as the culprit for his behavior.

You owe it to yourself to end that farce and to seek for someone that deserves you.

[Oliverlogan263]

Wooow, that's wild. Your boy is being super shady for sure. A few red flags that stand out:

- Him being so flakey and hard to contact is sus. Who needs that many phones and to go off the grid unless they're hiding something?

- Hitting on your friend is so not cool. Major disrespect.

- Saying he wants a kid but then flaking on your plans? Seems like he just wants to trap you but isn't serious at all.

This guy is not acting right as your boyfriend at all. I'd be questioning what else he might be up to when he goes dark like that. You deserve way better than someone who plays games and makes you feel insecure! 4 years is a long time too.

I'd say confront him straight up and see how he reacts. Pay close attention to if his answers add up or not. Might be time to let this clown go if he can't start treating you with respect. Plenty more fish in the sea who won't put you through this stress! You got this.

[Asker]

Thanks he didn't reach out to me for four days then I ringed him to ask wats up and he said he dosent want to see or talk anyone when he is stressed then he says he's going on a call so he will call me back and he hasn't. I haven't even seen him in a month and he hasn't even mentioned coming to see me. Then his phone is off again. I think am getting tired of this as apparently he dosent care.

[Oliverlogan263]

That's kinda messed up that he keeps blowing you off like that. Saying he's stressed so he doesn't wanna talk to anyone is BS. If he really cared about you he wouldn't just totally disappear for 4 days without checking in at least. And the fact he said he'd call you back but then didn't is just lame. You definitely don't deserve to be treated like your feelings don't matter. He should make time for you if you guys are in a relationship. Him not seeing you for a whole month and not even making plans to is a red flag. Sounds like he isn't really committed to being with you. As hard as it is, I think you gotta let him go man. You'll find someone who actually wants to be with you and puts in the effort. Don't waste your time on this dude if he doesn't care.

[Avicenna]

Doesn't sound like much of a relationship to me. You should break up with him. Whatever you do, do't get pregnant by this guy. I bet he has other women.

[Decoded93]

You should move on, you sound like a dedicated and lovely girlfriend, it's time to find a guy you deserve!

[In_Trance]

Have you asked him where the relationship is going?

[Asker]

Yes and he would reply and says he wants a future with me. But he says to be patient as he has a lot of work to complete.

[In_Trance]

So what do you not understand?

[Asker]

Well I just wonder if i should just be patient or this is unacceptable behaviour

[In_Trance]

If the roles were reversed would you want someone to be patient with you or would you want them to give up and walk away at the first sign of adversity?

[Asker]

Its not at the first sign of adversity I get that people be busy but a phone call is not that hard an entire week without a phone call plus making someone wait on u and ur not coming n dont even bother to call isn't that just unfair?

[Anonymous]

Why are you even bothering?