Why is my boyfriend nit picking everything and being nasty to me?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend is constantly nit picking literally everything I do and say recently.

It's now to the stage I feel I'm walking on eggshells the moment I get in the door from work.

He's been calling me selfish and saying things like its always about me.

If I change anything on a game, he starts walking around the house swearing about it for an hour or more straight. Yet if I repeat myself or go on about anything, he verbally abuses and criticises me about it.

I can't defend myself or say anything back to him because he just gets angry about it.

He was never this bad and it's only been the recent few months he's really started complaining about absolutely everything every single day and nit picking everything I say and do for no reason.

He's been so unbearable the last week that I'm actually glad when I have to go to work just so I can get away from him for a few hrs.

He's gone from somebody who never really complained and was sweet and loving and kind to an absolute nit picking arsehole.

[Lliam]

Sounds like your boyfriend has Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), a mental disorder.

Does any of this sound familiar?

While narcissists may appear kind at first, this façade soon falls flat as they begin exhibiting their true manipulative and abusive identity. Eventually, the narcissist’s repeated criticisms, gaslighting, and rageful reactions to perceived slights can result in the partner thinking that they are “not good enough.”

When you first met them, they seemed like the perfect partner. They were sociable, kind, generous, and very affectionate. They would go out of their way to show you how they feel and show you they care about you and treat you like a prince or princess (a classic sign of love bombing). They kept this up until you started to trust their intentions were pure and you were on the same page. Over time, this charming attitude goes out the window and they begin to devalue you. This begins the cycle of narcissistic abuse followed by attempts to keep you in their life, so you can continue to feed their narcissist supply.

Narcissists are preoccupied with their own feelings and needs, seem cold and detached when you need emotional support, and have difficulty making a sincere apology and accepting responsibility for any harm they cause. This can leave you feeling entirely alone and dissatisfied in the relationship.

They Have Few (If Any) Friends
Narcissists have a hard time keeping friends because of the one-sided relationship that comes with the territory of NPD.

A common sign of emotional abuse is frequent harsh criticism from a narcissist. This can cause you to feel diminished and full of self-doubt. People exposed to constant criticism in a relationship often feel as though their personality or worth is lacking in some way. If the relationship with the narcissist continues, more signs of emotional abuse may begin to appear.

When signs appear, it is important to take them seriously. Narcissistic abuse syndrome can be a devastating experience, but it can also be recognized and treated. Recovering from narcissistic abuse is possible and the help of a skilled therapist can make all the difference.

How to Deal With a Narcissistic Relationship
If you’re involved in a narcissistic relationship, it’s best to accept that reality as soon as possible so you can begin to protect yourself. It’s usually advised to walk away from this type of relationship.

It’s unrealistic to expect a narcissist to change. According to experts in narcissism treatment, a highly motivated narcissist might make small behavioral changes, but even then, it will require persistent effort by them to maintain these changes, and most are not likely to put in that effort.

Narcissists are frequently deceitful. At times, they deceive just to see if they can get away with it. Other times, they deceive in order to manipulate others to do something specific. Due to this persistent need to deceive, it is unwise to rely on their promises.

Breaking up with the narcissist is usually the best plan of action, but it’s rarely simple or easy to know how to get over a narcissist. Narcissistic abuse may have already caused you to doubt your own reality. With injured self-esteem and lowered self-confidence, you may be fearful of making any major life changes. It’s usually best to distance yourself so you can start the stages of healing after narcissistic abuse.

[Radiate143]

This can be true but this is not enough I found to make such a diagnosis. NPD is a VERY serious but also rare disorder that needs to be properly diagnosed.

[Radiate143]

Enough info

[Oliverlogan263]

That really sucks, I'm sorry to hear he's being such a jerk lately. A few thoughts on what might be going on:

- Stress at his work or somewhere else could be causing him to take it out on you. A lot of guys struggle with that.

- Could be going through something personally and not communicating it well, so it comes out as anger towards little things.

- Possibly feeling insecure or threatened by something even if he won't admit it. Criticizing you is a weird defense mechanism.

- Or he may just be getting comfortable and showing his true colors now. Some people get lazier/more entitled in relationships over time.

I'd try calmly talking to him when he's in a good mood. Say you've noticed the change and it's really bringing you down. Ask if anything's bothering him he wants to talk about.

If he won't open up or things to change, you may need to set boundaries. Like say the fighting stops or you're out. Guys like that only shape up if they have something to lose.

Hope it gets better. Don't let him walk all over your happiness - you deserve to feel comfortable in your own home!

[Asker]

He is stressed at work but so am I and I don't take it out on him. I do try to think if it is stress that he's just stress and not actually being a dickhead but it's just how it comes across.

I don't want to get my back up over such small trivial things like he seems to be doing recently.

Everybody has the right to complain and I've always wanted to make him feel like he can complain about anything and everything whenever he felt the need to. Now he's not complaining about anything other than work or me.

[Oliverlogan263]

I get that, stress isn't an excuse to constantly take it out on your partner. And it's totally valid that you don't do the same when you're stressed.

Maybe he's overwhelmed in general and having trouble coping in a healthy way. Which is still not your fault at all! You can be supportive without letting him walk all over you.

Some things you could try:

- Sit him down when he's calm and let him know the nitpicking is making you feel (hurt, upset, stressed). Gently ask if there's deeper issues you can understand or help with.

- Suggest you each find your own healthy outlets, like exercise or hobbies, instead of complaining to each other as a stress relief.

- Set boundaries - tell him you're happy to listen if he needs to vent, but it crosses a line when he's rude or blaming.

- Consider counseling to help with coping and communication when tensions run high.

Don't put up with feeling like you're constantly under attack, girl. You deserve respect. But coming at this place of caring rather than aggression might help him open up too. You've got this!

[Anonymous]

you're being emotionally abused. i know it's a strong word to put out there, but honestly those are a lot of emotional abuse signs. do you want to continue this domestic violence situation? because this can easily escalate. this is incredibly toxic, please don't make the mistake to stay. you need to get out asap.

just know this isn't a "you" issue. it's all on him. he is the problem here.

[Asker]

He did warn me he was quite vexing and he's verbally abusive.

I left a 10 yr marriage for him, had him move into my parents place with his dog because his mum kicked us out and now he's living with me in my own home, the house is only in my name thank God for that.

[Radiate143]

• Stressed
• Personal problem that he feels too ashamed to communicate about so he's harping on you
• Wants out of the relationship
• Has a really big crush on someone else
• Is cheating or about too.

[Radiate143]

Ig ore all that and in a moment where he seems relaxed just get him to talk. Use validating statements and don't add your opinion. Then you can cal. ly express your observations.
Everyone is really quick to label people but just take it one step at a time and see what develops.

[blueonblack22]

He’s likely very depressed/angry about something else going on his life that he has little or no control over. Now he is taking it on out on you which is bullshit.

Not to say men or anybody for that matter will occasionally be in a bad mood and lash out at the nearest thing they see. Happens to the best of us. But if he is consistently doing this it’s unacceptable.

Ask him what is wrong in his personal life (first) and see if he opens up about it. If he doesn’t then tell him to quit talking to you like that. If he does open up about it then listen to him and hear him. Offer support. But also draw the line about how it’s not okay for him to take it out on you.

If he can’t course correct then maybe it’s time for you to take a different course.

[LiamJHayden]

How long have you lived together? As @Lliam said he might be a narc and once you lived together he no longer needed to be on his best behavior.

Or maybe he just realized that he doesn't really want the arrangement, but does not want to be the one to blow it up.

Or he might be having a hard time in other areas of life and he is taking it out on you.

All of these have one thing in common. It is on him, not you. But it also could escalate from rudeness to physical. You can do what you want, but I would not long suffer someone who was not good to me. You might want to at the least have an escape plan.

[Levin]

The answer to that question, is that you tolerate it.

You need better boundaries. You need to tell him he shouldn't talk to you this way tell him if he does it again it's over. And mean it.

As for the mechanics of what's going on, it's not possible to say on the basis of the information you have given.

[HighValue]

If he never complained before, he likely just bottled up things inside that bothered him for a long time and now he blames you for all the things that bothered him that he never spoke up about.

Being used to having a doormat as an SO and then them finally speaking up can be disturbing to people.

You leaving a marriage for someone else already shows that you are not a good partner. Good luck at your age of ever having a good quality man legitimately interested in you.

[Joshydavid25]

Could be that he's trying to secretly get you to break up with him. Whenever, somebody gets that nitpicky it's usually because they lost feelings and just want out, but don't have the balls to call it quits themselves..

[Anonymous]

WHY are you still with him
"Flaw finders" are annoying and ruin your time and evergy
So I suggest either talk and sort out or leave!

[Asker]

The first 2 years were great. It's only been the recent few months that's he's suddenly changed.

I don't want to be another person who just gives up on him because he's had that all his life. He has no family or friends.

I honestly feel like I can't approach it because he'll just get angry and start saying nasty things.

[Opinion Owner]

Well seems you guys need to somehow sit and have a deep convo to sort it out

[NavyOU37]

Maybe you are not easy to live with. Women love to blame the guy without even considering it may be her.

[sheenagwapa]

the problem with men is they are shit but don't let women go... let go and stop hurting women

[In_Trance]

That's a terrible position to be in. It's time for some good face-to-face conversation or possibly some therapy

[Asker]

If I say anything he just gets angry and defensive and says I'm always right and he's always wrong and can't forget about that etc. It's like everything I say makes him angry now.

[Asker]

It's really not fun. He won't do therapy no matter what.

If I say anything he just gets angry

[In_Trance]

I think the fact that he won't do therapy should be all you really need to know. It's tough to move on but I think it's necessary at this point

[Anonymous]

Break up with this clown. There's approximately 165.28 million other guys in this world, find a better one.

[Opinion Owner]

If you feel like you can't even approach him about it how is it ever going to get better?

Your partner is the one person you're supposed to be nice to.

[Asker]

The thing is, nobody has ever made me feel the way I did about him for these 2 years and I've never thought about any other boyfriend as much as I have with my current boyfriend.

He says his relationships only last 2 1/2 years every single time he's ever had one, now I can see why.

[Brittanykeen88]

Sounds narcissistic I would break up with him

[Brittanykeen88]

I was with a terrible man for 11 years and it doesn't get better. It turned into physical abuse

[Asker]

Even though he says he'd never hit me or anything like that, with all his behaviour and nasty comments recently, I'm actually starting to think when is he going to go back on saying that and start being physical?

He says he was everybody's punching bag as a kid because of his mums partners and all that, he says he's never hit a woman but I'm starting to think whether or not he really hasn't now.

[Asker]

And he says his ex girlfriend was like that the entire relationship with him. I do feel he's become that way for no reason.

[Brittanykeen88]

He sounds like covert narcissist. He's playing on your sympathy and taking no accountability for his actions. Straight blaming everyone else for how he acts. He is still abusing you which is very mentally damaging. Four years later I still struggle with emotional regulation and go into depression. I would leave now because there's a good chance it will become physically abusive because they lie. Either way any form of abuse should be a deal breaker you deserve better.

[Brittanykeen88]

It doesn't matter hun, your not responsible for his emotions or behaviors. He can blame God himself it still doesn't justify abusing another human being.

[YAsQuen]

Have you considered you might be in the wrong?

[spartan55]

Have you been putting out?

[LemiaOfThunder]

Self concious about himself

[Asker]

It seems like since we got rid of his ex finally ( long story ), he's become nasty for no reason. I almost feel like he was holding back or something and now that his ex is now gone from our lives, his true colours are starting to come out.

[soe11]

Leave him or out of his life.

[Luckycharms12]

Maybe he stressed worried and taken it out on you

[Anonymous]

Get him a box of midol to relieve his pms

[riverrat3]

Time to say bye