Me and this guy have been together for almost 4 years now its been pretty on and off but of late we've both grown as people and together. I lost my virginity him in our first year of college (we are now in our 4th) my parents found out and were devastated that I wasn't a virgin anymore, moreso me and the guy were off when they found out. They told me to never talk to him again but I did.
As of July we had broken up and decided to take a break and maybe try ending things for good. However we somehow always find our way back to eachother regardless of anything it's like he's a magnet to my heart. After ending things we did take some distance for about only a month by October we were back and somehow had fallen even deeper in love with each other and of late he's been bringing up getting married and starting a family together a lot more.
Last week Friday he brought up how he wanted to meet my parents. I thought he was joking but he brought it up again on Saturday and today. He is very serious about meeting them and he wants me to meet his as well. Don't get me wrong I want to introduce them to each other and I'm also excited to meet his. However since we got back we hadn't defined our relationship again. Because technically we aren't in a relationship right now despite everything we hadn't sat down to talk about where we are following our last break. I can't introduce him like that because 1. My parents don't even know that I kept talking to him and 2. My parents would never take us seriously if they knew we were just going with the flow kinda.
I'm very avoidant of serious conversations because I never know how to start them but I feel this is something that needs a serious talk. But i don't know what to say. I really love him and I know he loves me too. I want my parents to love him, my whole family to be accepting of our relationship but I don't know where to start. What goals do we need to set how do we prepare ourselves for this next step in our relationship?
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Whoa, meeting the parents is definitely a big step. I can see why you're feeling hesitant since things have been on and off with you guys. Here's what I think:
- First you need to have an honest talk with him about where you're at in your relationship now. Even though you've reconnected, you need to officially decide if you're back together exclusively.
- Set some ground rules and expectations this time. How will you handle disagreements? Communicate your needs to avoid future breaks. Build trust together.
- Once you've had that talk and feel secure again, then start with small steps like double dates with friends. Ease into more serious commitment gradually.
- Be open with your parents about continuing to see each other after your break. Honesty is best even if they disapprove at first.
- Ask him to wait a bit before "meeting the parents". Show your relationship has stability again first through your actions.
Take your time with this next phase. As long as you're both on the same page through communication, you've got a good shot at winning your parents over eventually if you truly care for each other. Just build a strong foundation first before making that leap. You've got this!
He wants to meet them because it’s the holiday season and you all are in year 4
Regardless of that
That’s why he wants to meet them. It’s the answer to your question
Regarding the other part you wrote I would have a much longer answer as I’ve been in the same place you are. But to be brief you and him need to sit down asap and define the relationship
I guess we do. I had said the regardless thing because of like. Where I'm from the holidays aren't really serious and it's not something that would necessarily be a factor to him wanting to meet my parents and all. But I'll definitely just try and sit down and talk to him.
Thanks
You are welcome
by the way I see where you wrote you are avoidant of serious conversations. But if you don’t talk to him and tell him how you feel and what you need in 2024 how will he know? No one is a mind reader.
Wouldn’t you like to hear him articulate how he feels about you and what his future plans are?
he wants to be your boyfriend so bad