Why did he ghost me?

[Anonymous]

So I (19F) was seeing this 20yr old guy as a friend and he showed interest in me. I immediately told him I was not ready to be in a relationship rn because I just got out of a relationship, but he didn't mind and so we continued texting and getting to know each other. We both started liking each other and flirting with each other. We even said that we like each other. Keep in mind, we're not in a relationship. We're not dating. Yet.

Then one day I told him that it's best to wait officially to date so as to take it slow because im still healing and moving on with my ex. Keep in mind we have been getting to know each other for 1 month only. Then this is where he got sad/upset. He said he didn't want to love me anymore because he didn't want to wait. He said it hurted him. I told him "I'm sorry, you don't have to wait for me. I understand your feelings and how you feel. I do really like you and I do want to be with you when I'm ready. But i respect in whatever decision you make. Just please don't leave without letting me know" Then a few days later, he blocked me everywhere.

What should I do? Did I mess up? I was going to ask him out on Christmas or new year's day...

Please give your honest but friendly opinions! Thanks!

[Staximus]

You put him on the back burner because you're not over your ex. Basically saying you still care more about your ex than you do about him. You were just leading him on. Go back to your ex if he was so great or move on with your life already.

[Asker]

No.. don't say that:( I wasn't leading him on, I genuinely had romantic feelings towards him. I wanted to wait to be in a relationship because I didn't want him to be a rebound relationship. I just got out of a relationship a few months ago.

[Staximus]

You're not over your ex, it's been long enough. You're just making excuses now and he feels like he can't compete with your ex or he's not good enough for you. So basically you screwed up

[Staximus]

It's not fair for you to expect him to just wait around until you get over your ex

[Asker]

Okay yeah... I might have screwed up but not dating him sooner. I just thought it was too quick to get into a new relationship after a breakup that happened in October. I don't want my ex back, I was just still hurting. But I honestly never forced him to wait for me. He just wanted to. I just simply told him I liked him too and was interested in him too and to take things slow if we both wanted a serious relationship. But then it looked like he changed his mind.

[Staximus]

You're still hurting=you're not over your ex. Not wanting to date=you rejected him. It's pretty simple.

[Asker]

I don't understand then.. for a whole month, why was he engaging with me and told me he didn't mind waiting since the very beginning when I told him I wasn't ready for a relationship?

[Staximus]

After a month you didn't want to date him, that's long enough to figure it out. How much longer is he supposed to wait until you do want to date him?

[Asker]

I told you I wouldn't get into a new relationship so fast, especially when I'm healing. It's just not good to do that. I need time for myself too. What I'm curious about is why he stayed for that long, only to leave in the end when he knows already that I'm in the process of healing. I was going to ask him out on Chrismas day or new year's day. But I guess I know now, I waited too long and I was too late.

[Staximus]

If your ex was abusive then that's one thing. If he wasn't then there's nothing to heal from

[DarkWinterNights]

I think it’s pretty clear what happened. He moved on.

[KittygosMeoWW]

Who cares, he ghosted so go find someone better and when he reaches out (which they usually do) lead him on then ghost him back.

[bededazzle]

no you communicated well. you did nothing wrong

[Asker]

Really? Then why did he ghost me? I was really looking forward to date him.

[bededazzle]

we don't know that. look, all that matters is you have your own boundaries and you communicate them when needed. you acted like an adult and did this. he chose to vanish instead of communicating. none of us will ever know why he did this, but if he did so willingly, does that sound like a good boyfriend?

[Asker]

Yeah, you're right.. I always thought it was my fault. Thank you so much.

[bededazzle]

yeah stop thinking that lol

[Asker]

Yeah lol I'll stop

[blackcowboystudbrady]

Maybe he thinks you're a spook !!!

[Asker]

Sorry what does spook mean?