How do I know if I’m in love with my husband of 15 years or my affair partner of 8 years?

[Anonymous]

No sarcastic comments, I’m really confused. I honestly don’t know who I love.

[Billlewis]

I'm with Molonski2, whose opinion is just below. Don't let yourself be coerced into an unfavorable position. Continue to date them both and set aside sufficient time for meaningful intimacy with both men. Continue to love them both, until one of them helps you decide.

[Asker]

That’s what we both want, but it’s mentally draining at times having two separate lives.

[Billlewis]

'We' being yourself and your male lover?

[Asker]

Yes. He says all we can be is what we are, he won’t leave and neither will I, so he says all we can be is this, and that if there wasn’t anyone standing in our way everything could be different. He loves his wife, I love my husband, I think. I’m just so confused of what I feel atm.

[Vesuvius87]

You probably don't love either of them. You love the routine, your idealized ''happy, secured marriage'' based on lies and the forbidden thrill of having an affair partner you can run away from and forget your responsibilities.

It seems like the profile of a broken woman that likely feels empty and miserable with her life.

[HelpfulWoman]

Obviously not the husband... Fucking duh.
But being trashy doesn't equal you love the other trash that willingly helps someone cheat. So probably neither.

[OlderAndWiser]

If you don't know who you love, then you don't love either of them. This is one of the consequences of your actions. I hope that you don't have any children from this marriage.

[Apple1996]

Its possible to live multiple people at the same time. You probably love both of them

[Twalli]

It's possible to love them both. If you're considering leaving your husband then you need to consider this. Most people cheat in the attempt to find something that they aren't getting from the person they are already with. Come up with a list of what each partner gives you. Look at the things your husband offers you that your affair partner doesn't. Decide how important thise things are. If you leave him, you won't have them anymore.

[molonski2]

Just keep it going with both , its pretty easy to be in love with two at the same time.

[Asker]

It felt easy at the beginning, but saying bye to the affair partner and not knowing for sure when I’ll get to see him again is beginning to hurt like hell.

[molonski2]

Of course it would , its 8 years of your life..

[molonski2]

The other thing you could consider , is fessing up to the long term husband and all 3 of you move in together , this way you can have them both legitimately.

[molonski2]

All these people who declare " Hollier than Thou values " and declare " You dont love either " , must be just wonderful wonderful people , who have simply never lived real life. Ever seen how many affairs happen in the church? Jesus himself had multiple partners and loves , either that or just living a lie , this is how life is..
A mixed up bundle of grey.

[Asker]

I would love to openly have both, I love my husband and I love my affair partner, both o. Completely different ways and different reasons. Loving a second person hasn’t took anything away from the first, it feels almost like having a second child… where new love just grows for the second without lessening the love for the first. We aren’t religious in anyway, so we aren’t feeling like we are committing sins. We both say it feels right when we are together, even though we know society says it’s wrong. I would love to have an open relationship but my husband really isn’t the type to share; if there was even a slight doubt he’d allow it I’d go for it but he will not be open to the idea.

[molonski2]

Id tick that answer if I could , very well put , and very true.

[Anonymous]

There’s a reason you fell in love and married your husband, a reason you stood before your family, friends, and God and vowed that you would forsake all others. There’s a reason you chose him, and I wonder if those reasons are what you are experiencing with your affair partner. Does being with your affair partner ever remind you of the excitement you felt when you were dating your husband? If so, I think you’re in love with your husband.

[jahaims]

You aren't in love with either. If you loved your husband you wouldn't be a cheater and if you loved the other person you wouldn't be married. You are just a broken, trauma driven person. Probably not even capable of love.

[Asker]

Yes I have wondered if I’m unable to feel love. I know I care about them but I’m unsure if either is love. I don’t even feel bad for what I do, he’s married also and I feel no remorse. I did have a troubled childhood, not that that’s an excuse but maybe watching my alcoholic father beat and abuse my mother daily has gave me a warped perception of love. The guy I’m having an affair with was groomed as a young teenager by an older woman, and so his perception of love may also be warped. But we seem to find a middle ground and comfort with each other. I know it’s wrong, but I don’t feel it’s wrong.

[boggboss]

Well u clearly don't love your husband so I'm not really sure what your asking

[es20490446e]

If you don't know who you love, you love neither 😌

[Luckycharms12]

Well wouldn't have that problem If didn't have an affair.

[Anonymous]

No sarcastic comments? Well if you're going to tie my hands.😆

OK, "you don't love either". Good luck!

[Jmmmfi4]

WELL AREN'T YOU JUST A HORRIBLE FUCKING PERSON