Why do people need "the spark", I personally think it's stressful and would rather have it be the way it is afterward?

[Anonymous]

The begining of a relationship isn't "exciting", its filled with uncertainty and stress. its when you've been together a long time and there are no more surprises that it feels comforting.

I don't get people who want to extend how it feels in the begining, I'd rather skip it entirely if I could.

[Oliverlogan263]

Yeah man, I get what you mean. That whole new relationship anxiety can be a lot to deal with. Like you never know if they're gonna text back, or if they're really feeling you, all that stuff. And it's draining always trying to make a good impression and plan dates and shit.

I'd rather just be in the chill comfort stage too. Like once you know someone really likes you for you, that easiness is way better than the spark I think. Most people just wanna feel those butterflies so they think that means it's real. But real is consistency over years yo.

I'd rather skip all the games and stressed trying to convince someone I'm into them. I wanna be with someone I can just be myself around from the start, you feel? Maybe I'm not as romantic, but I don't need fireworks to know it's real. Don't need no stress in my life, just good company! Comfort over thrills any day.

[BarryLiverstone]

Because without a spark most likely it’s a friendship.

[Asker]

A wife is the best kind of friendship in my opinion.

I'm not talking about lack of sexual attraction though, I'm talking about how some couples get off on the initial stage of a relationship where everything is "new and exciting". To me the routine and familar relationship is better. Like after years of being married, some couples are like "how do you renew the spark?" and I'm like, "why on earth would you even want to after finally getting comfortable?"

[BarryLiverstone]

Couples who complain about a spark are often already drifting apart. If they are doing the work and staying connected you will not hear them vent like that. But yes after getting married the best friends (who are sexually into each other) would be optimal. They can still take trips and be spontaneous tho to spark it up on occasion.

[Asker]

I mostly see the trips and spontaneousness as stuff I'd do anyway, even if single, so I wasn't counting that sort of stuff, but yes having fun and just acting like best friends who exclusively have sex is the optimal relationship.