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I'm a 49m in a 2yr relationship. My girlfriend is 43. When I bring up this topic every one (my friends or her friends) look at me and respond..."you're nuts"!
Here goes,
I am very secure straight male and attractive. I used to be a male stripper in my 20's and I've seen everything and done everything.
Now my views on sex is very different/teflon. I would talk about if my girlfriend were to go out and get laid, my response to that is.."was it good"? Or if she were to flirt and explore... sex or not... I'd simply light switch my feelings and exit the relationship.. no questions asked. My circle views me as heartless or to non shalaunt about this. Me? I wouldn't lose an ounce of sleep.. am I I normal?
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
2Opinion
You may not always attach emotional intimacy to sex, the act in itself is just a means to an end. It’s when having sex actually means something to your girlfriend that you put your foot down, to which I’d say that’s a mindset to actively unlearn. Why? Because it’s a trap for any woman. Unless she were a prostitute, sex isn’t happening without some sort of connection and flirtation even if it’s a drunk one night stand, but for you that is the dealbreaker. So why not just make no sex outside the relationship your standard instead?
Absolutely,, I agree.. if my girlfriend did have sex or emotional cheating, I'm done... at the same time I would be naive to think that my relationship was above all others.. myself.. I just know banana peels are everywhere..
I see what you’re saying and don’t get me wrong, it’s totally appropriate and fine to have boundaries within your relationship. However, you want to be fair about what you’re asking and this just seems to be, well, unfair. Like if she were to have casual sex, you say you’d ask if it were good, yet if she felt something for the guy then you’re done. Of course I could be misconstruing what you mean and feel free to correct me, but if I am right then this should definitely change. Also, nothing about your statement told me that you place your relationship above others so I wouldn’t worry about that aspect. You aren’t acting holier than thou, it’s just this one area that could use adjustment.
I think I can understand; the difference being if she put strictly sexual interest in another man vs including a flirtaceous and/or emotional interest. Your method and capability is rare, but not necessarily sociopathic. One who has seen a lot of something can get better control of their mind.
Ty,, my mentality goes like this.. obviously I enjoy sharing my life with so's.. and that's exactly it.. I choose to share my life for all the rewards that come with relationships... however,, I'm out in seconds when I smell deceit,, no rearview mirror..
You're welcome. That makes sense to me.
Further thought- it is a lot to ask someone to show no attraction to another. As long as you were to do the same for her and you said so, it still seems fair to me.
O trust me... for me, I have a bachelor's degree in psychology and crisis conflict.. my communication is nothing but honest, open, non judgmental and finally real... I've used all approaches known to me to have my views and boundaries listened to. With a knod of her head I knew right then she was engaged in the conversation. No way later saying "I didn't understand:... as for my leniency towards infidelity?, I am not at all... what. I am , how I process it is my own nemesis,, banana peel moments happens. But if there were micro cheating brewing.. then that's not an "oops".. myself? i come across as ruthless or odd when, how I respond to this.. basically.. all the best.. am I cold?
No, not cold, just cautious.
I think you're spot on right, Sir. Once the ego is removed from the equation, we're left with what we had from the start -- that sex is merely a symbolic gesture, unless of course you're trying to reproduce. All of the angst and hand wringing over sex really has nothing to do with sex at all, but with the fragility and vulnerability of the person's ego that's engaged in participating in it.