What does it mean when someone states "you dont love me, you love the idea of me"?

[Anonymous]

[IslaTheWitch]

It's when the other person feels that how you see them doesn't match them.

Some years ago, a guy was trying to get close to me. We worked for the same company but in different departments, and he had seen me only during official meetings when I was "officially dressed up" and presented stuff to the C-level.

He liked the Isla, who never existed in the first place, because the real Isla wears tactical boots, cargo trousers and khaki or green t-shirt.

I started to work for a different company before the situation began to be bothersome...

[Asker]

Thank you. I get what you're saying. What threw me off was when our mutual friend & I were talking after the break up & I'd told her he'd said that. She chuckled & said "Oh, he used THAT line? Wait until I see him. Sweetie, he's used that line on the 3 women before you." Craziest part is, myself & the 3 women before me all broke it off with him, so where's the real issue? Just saying. If he would be his true authentic self all the time & stop putting on a facade, then the women he's involved with would know & see who he is & could make a conscious decision to be involved or not & there wouldn't be this back & forth dance, heart's wouldn't be broken, feelings wouldn't be hurt, there'd be no feelings of betrayal & he wouldn't find himself being kicked out on his ear--like. with me & the 3 women before me!

[IslaTheWitch]

It's true that if people wear masks and do not show their real selves, it is hard to love their true selves if we don't know it.

[Asker]

That's why his comment threw me off
Like Bro, we've been together & living together 7 YEARS. I've rolled with everything you've presented to me & watched your mask slip the past 4 years & still stayed!
The straw that broke the camel's back was when he was screaming & cussing & I told him not to talk to me like that. he came back with "I can talk to you & everyone else any way that I want to & there's nothing you or anyone else can do about it." Oh really? Well, you're correct Sir, you DO have a right to say whatever you want. However, I bet you'll never say that to a MAN because he'd bust your jaw, but because you clearly see women as less than creatures, you'll say some disrespectful mess like that. Well, you're going to meet the right one & catch her on the right day & say some mess like that & she's going to take a cleaver & split you to the white meat & you're going to have an entirely different perspective on life! And at that. point I said I was done, give me my house keys, pack a bag & get out. He really thought I was joking until. i went & got his duffle bag & packed him clothes & started waking him to the door. He understood playtime was over.

[Anonymous]

It is one way men avoid the real issues.

[Asker]

I broke up with him & he said that. 15 minutes later he's trying to get me to have sex!! The nerve! I also found out he's used that line on the 3 women before me!🙄