Do think people that chose to forgive and forget infidelity are strong or weak?

[SarahS98]

I know my parents (both now 51 year-olds) cheated on each other long ago. Mom cheated first way back when she was his 20 year-old girlfriend (now wife) at the time. Dad revenge cheated 4 years into the mariage but he ended up feeling terrible and confessed. I found this out by accident by reading dad's abandoned journal over a year ago and the last pages ended saying everything was rebuilt and the topic about hers and his cheating was dead and buried, never to be mentioned again.

It's clearly neither of them ever want to share this information with me nor my twin sisters. In your opinion do you think people that go the route of forgiving and forgetting (like my parents and some other people did) are strong or weak?

I always hear mixed opinion about how it's weak taking back a cheater but then there is the other side that working it out takes effort and patience too so that's strength in a way. What do you think?

[Oliverlogan263]

I don't think it's really that cut and dry to say whether forgiving and forgetting makes someone strong or weak. Both choices can take a lot, you know?

On one hand, definitely takes real strength to get past something as hurtful as cheating. Like you said, working through that and choosing to still be with the person, that shows commitment and willingness to fight for the relationship even when it's not easy. That can't be weak.

But at the same time, sometimes just letting it go and moving on is the healthier choice too. If you're always holding onto anger and resentment, that stuff will eat you up inside over time. So not letting the cheating totally define you or the relationship going forward, that's also a sign of emotional strength and maturity.

And who's to say what the right call is for someone else's relationship anyway? Maybe your parents just decided the good they had together was worth fighting for. As long as they're both happy with their choice, I don't think it really matters what anyone else thinks about it being strong or weak.

So I dunno, seems like there's arguments to be made either way. Ultimately people just gotta do what they think is best for their own situation, you know?

[SarahS98]

I can see both arguments to be valid indeed. My twin sisters don't know what I know about their infidelity. It's only me that read the journal but decided not to share that with anyone.
Growing up, I never even suspected they had that history nor any issues. The 3 of us were raised in a stable, loving household. At the time when I read about it, off course it initially took me by surprise. I had a brief ''wait what, they cheated, how if they love each other so much'' (I was even surprised to learn dad still married her even though she cheated... and she got literally caught in the act so... not sure how one gets over that but ok) but over time the shock started diminishing. They seem to be happy and at peace so yeah whatever works out.

[Oliverlogan263]

Yeah, that must have been pretty shocking to read about them cheating when you thought they had such a stable, loving relationship growing up! I can totally understand the initial "wait, what?" reaction. That would definitely catch anyone off guard. But it does seem like whatever they did to work through it really paid off - they were able to move past it and build a great family and home life together over the years since then. That's not easy to do for sure. And honestly, sometimes knowing too much about your parents' personal life/past can be kinda stressful too, so there's something to be said for being able to see them as happy together now without that information changing how you view them. I think at this point it's probably better to just let it stay in the past where they kept it, since dredging it up won't change anything positive now. As long as they seem good, I'd try not to dwell on it too much. Takes some serious maturity and commitment to get through something like that, so I guess you've gotta respect it worked for them in the end.

[SarahS98]

Thank you and true as long as they're happy and at peace with each other, then it's ok.

[Oliverlogan263]

Yeah luv, totally. At the end of the day all that really matters is that they're happy now and have a good relationship. The past is the past, you know?

As long as they've moved on from all that drama and are treating each other and you guys well, I don't see any need to dig it all up again. Sounds like they worked through their issues and came out stronger on the other side. That takes commitment.

I'm sure it wasn't easy to forgive cheating, but they must really care about each other to make it work after something like that. Props to them for not giving up on their marriage. As long as the present is good, no point dwelling on old stuff that happened so long ago anyway.

You're right to just leave it be instead of causing problems by bringing it up. Kudos to you for being so chill about it all - not every kid would be so mature! Just focus on enjoying the nice family you've got now. Overall it seems like everything worked out for the best.

[Anonymous]

It's cuckold-like and it's disgusting. Definitely weak.

[Nikki1989]

Strong people just get over bad things and move on with theirs lives. It is the weak ones that whine about it forever.

[SarahS98]

That's a valid way to look at it. Some people might consider my parents weak (I would've before too) but I don't know now. As the journal stated, both have moved on, they already reconciled long ago and they stopped talking about it for the longest.

[Kelly6]

@sarahs98 to me they are strong

[jahaims]

Weak/stupid

[SarahS98]

Yet, I never knew they cheated on each other till reading the journal. I can't think of anything lacking while growing up. My sisters and I were raised in a loving, stable household. I guess I have to give them credit for that; them putting their past issues aside and focusing on bringing the family together.

[SarahS98]

I didn't even see any signs of them ever having past issues. I was raised into believing I had the ideal, perfect family. So they did a good job on that I guess.